User:Sonia/Writing and Rhetoric drafts

Ian.Hoogenboom, Hocking River

I am making a new section on the Hocking River page on flooding. Below is my rough draft, i fee like my citing may be a bit off, still new to the wikipedia thing any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!

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text comments Introduction to Hocking River Floods Flooding on the Hocking used to be a yearly occurrence for the residents of Athens, Ohio. The floods determined many aspects of the resident's lives, for example like where to build a house. Most of the houses in Athens, Ohio are built up on the hills, or the higher ground. It wasn’t until the university needed to expand, due to an influx of students during the 1950’s that anything was even built into the flood plain. Some mentionable floods were the 1907 flood, in which 7 people died, and about 20 houses were swept away . Another big flood happened in 1968 which was labeled as "The worst flood in 55 years". The 68’ flood is also notable due to the fact that the re-routing of the Hocking River project began in 1969. The re-routing of the Hocking was undertaken by the Army Corps of Engineers, and was paid for by the university. The project was completed by 71’ and reverted 5 miles of the river along west green. The Hocking today is a docile almost stream like river, but the Hocking of pre 1971 was a raging river, which ran through where Baker center now stands. I would change the title of this to "Hocking River floods"; it's less essay-like. Do also note that only proper nouns and the very first letter are capitalized in Wikipedia section headings. Secondly, good prose, needs a little copyediting. Be consistent with numbers. "7" and "20" can be written as words; your years should be written out as "1968" not "68’".The last sentence is strange, both in terms of grammar and what it's trying to convey. Is the phrase about Baker Center relevant? Finally, and this goes for throughout the article: Put your full stops before the </ref>. Flood of 1907 This flood took place on March 14, 1907. According the the Athens Journal, 7 people died during the flood and the rescue attempts which followed. The flood uprooted about 20 houses, as well as drowned countless heads of horse and cattle. Residents that owned rowboats spent the days after the flood rescuing as many people as possible from there flooded houses, many people were saved, but rescuers were among the 7 people who died. 1000's of people were forced to leave there homes, and many people were arrested for looting in the days after the flood. Telegraph lines were ripped down due to the flood, leaving Athens residents with no way of communicating with the outside world in the days after the flood. The railroad, waterworks plant, and electric plant were flooded, leaving Athens residents without water or electricity . First sentence doesn't tell us much. Just say "The flood of March 14, 1907 caused x damage..." or incorporate it in a similar way. Title for this and the next should really be "1907 flood" or similar. Less pretentious. Flood of 1968 The flood of 1968 was another bad one. 4in of rain fell in 24hrs, causing the river to crest at 24.63ft, 8ft above sea level. Students actually helped the National Guardsmen in rescue efforts and sandbagging in an attempt to control the flooding. The flood made national news, and parents of the students were in a panic. Students were also seen diving off the balcony in front of Brown Hall, and out dorm windows in the West Green. It was reportedly the worst flood in 55 years, and caused $8.9million in damage to Athens county, and $750,000 to Ohio Universities campus . Again, first sentence is not useful; similarly, watch your numbers. Four inches would do, or at least put spaces between 4 in. and 24 hours; similarly consistency in the last sentence with regard to your dollar values. Is the "actually" in the third sentence necessary? It's a bit of commentary. The Re-routing Project A year after the 1968 flood the re-routing project began. The project was carried out by the Army Corps of Engineers, and was funded by Ohio University. The University needed to expand its campus into the flood plain, and it didn’t want to have to pay annual damages due to flooding. It has been speculated that the new river channel has 3 times the carrying capacity of the old one, and should reduce chances of flooding by 86% preventing an estimated $800,000 annual flood loss . The project began on April 12, 1969, it 0was estimated to cost $11 million, and was to re-route a 5mi strip of river that ran along West green. Also, a four laned bridge was constructed along Richland Ave. which can still be seen today. The project was completed by 1971, and OU reportedly paid $375,000 per year for 22 years. The project had a lasting effect on the campus of OU, the pre 69’ Hocking would have run directly through the bottom floor of Baker Center. US Army Corps has estimated that since the project was completed, $48million in flood damage has been adverted since completion. The project was put to the test in May, 1990 when heavy rains caused the river to crest at 22.84ft in Athens. President Bush declared Athens and 3 other counties "Disaster Areas"; the flood caused $4million in damage to SE Ohio, but physical plant director Chuck Culp estimated that rerouting the river saved OU more then $500,000 in flood damage . "It didn't want to have to pay"? The university is a person? (Kidding- do expand the contraction at least.) Again, "3 times"- numerical consistency, expand year numbers, etc. References General comments! You've done very well. More references (for individual facts, not full paragraphs or even sentences at times) would be ideal, as would working over it with a fine-toothed comb for grammar and syntax. However, your formatting is nearly perfect- well done. Some of the references don't have enough information (e.g. the last two are missing titles), but that's about it. sonia♫ 09:48, 25 January 2012 (UTC)

Brittany Fikter (Bnfik26): Vernon R. Alden

Below is my draft for Vernon R. Alden, Ohio University's 15th President. I am stillin the process of including all of my in-text citations and some additional editing may be neccessary.

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Professional achievements After spending the 1950s working for the Harvard Business School and the 1960s at Ohio University, Vernon Alden took the next step in his professional life to Boston, where he became Chairman of the Boston Company and the Boston Safe Deposit and Trust Company. During his time in Boston, from 1969-1978, the company quadrupled its assets with the help of Dr. Alden and several friends he recruited to the company. Vern transformed the company from a somewhat local financial company into an international organization and attracted to its Board of Directors incredibly successful executives including the chief executive officers of Armco Steel, TransWorld Airlines, Continental Oil, Royal Dutch Shell in the United Kingdom, the Dole Company in Hawaii and Lee Iacocca, the then president of Ford. As chairman of the company, Dr. Alden and his fellow associates developed new branches of the Boston Company including the Boston Consulting Group, the Financial Strategies Group, Institutional Investors, Rinfret-Boston Economic Advisory Services, and an oil and gas investment subsidiary in Texas. These new entities allowed the Boston Company to expand outside of Massachusetts to acquire investment counseling firms across the United States. By the end of the 1970s the Boston Company became the United States’ 15th largest investment-management firm. Alden was fascinated by organizations that were hired by incredibly wealthy families like the Rockefellers and the Fords to manage their assets. He recognized that similar assistance was needed by families less wealthy. He took this idea and transformed it into the Financial Strategies Group, an organization created to evaluate the assets of less wealthy families, offer advice on estate planning, manage resources, and enable them to invest. Among his first clients were John Glenn and George Webster. text comments Vernon Roger Alden Vernon Roger Alden was a scholar, successful business man, dedicated father and husband, and a philanthropist who is mist known for being the 15th president of Ohio University. He is a leader in education, an international corporate director, and a highly successful entrepreneur. "Among being..." doesn't sound quite right there. Standard Wikipedia style is a little more to the point: "John Doe (born January 1, 1000 in Doeville) was an x, y, and z who was most known for q achivement." or similar. The information presented here is what should be in the lede though, which is great. Early life and academic career Vernon Roger Alden was born in Chicago, Illinois, in 1923. As a young boy, he attended public school in Illinois and Rhode Island. During World War II, Alden attended the Navy Officers Japanese Language School in Boulder, Colorado, before serving on the aircraft carrier USS Saratoga. Dr. Alden received a degree in English Literature at Brown University and then went on to attend the prestigious Harvard Business School, where he received an MBA and went on to become an accomplished business man and President-Emeritus of Ohio University. The title for this section should really not have an "&" in it. For future reference, titles on Wikipedia also only capitalize proper nouns and the very first letter. Otherwise, this seems fine, bar one thing: Do link all these places and schools etc mentioned! Links are created by placing square brackets around something: for example, [[Cheese]] produces Cheese. Work at Ohio University Vernon Alden was 38 years old when he came to Ohio University from his position as the associate dean of the Harvard Business School. During his time as president, Dr. Alden’s administration saw a doubling of enrollment and faculty on the Athens Campus and the university’s five branch campuses saw enrollment size nearly triple. During his presidency, Dr. Alden oversaw a great expansion of the campus area through urban renewal. The size of Athens’ campus increased by more than 750 acres. The continuation of a solid construction program can be accredited to Alden, as the development of South Green, the completion of West Green, and the construction of a new regional airport all happened during his presidency. His efforts in urban renewal exceeded developing the University and overflowed to improving economic growth in southeastern Ohio. He rerouted the flood-prone Hocking River, which annually drowned the university every spring, constructed the Appalachian Highway Network to provide easier access to Athens for visitors, and built six regional branches of Ohio University in both eastern and southern Ohio. Alden was an advocate of expanding research and new academic programs. As a pioneer of innovative programs at Ohio University, he spearheaded the development of programs such as the Ohio Fellows Program, the Cutler Program of Individualized Studies, the Honors College, and a Black Studies Institute. In addition to academic programs, Dr. Alden implemented university remissions for university employees and their families, sabbatical leaves, and the Ohio University Press. Increased rights for faculty and students were evidenced by a Faculty Senate and Student-Faculty Mediation Board. Vernon even attracted President Lyndon B. Johnson to the Athens campus to announce the Great Society Program in May of 1964. Upon his retirement from Ohio University the Board of Trustees dedicated the new library in his name, “The Vernon Roger Alden Library.” Dr. Alden left the University in 1969 and began a career with the Boston Company and continued to expand his involvement with international affairs, including extensive work in Japan. Nicely done. Some claims here which really do need to be backed up by inline citations, so each statement is referenced to a source-- do ask me if you need help with those. Again, linking where appropriate. Linking, again, and references. Influence in Japan Vernon R. Alden is also a very well known business man in Japan. After becoming president of the Japan Society of Boston in 1969, Dr. Alden obtained a five year grant from the US-Japan Friendship Commission. The grant provided the company with the opportunity to hire an Executive Director and to expand the company by increasing membership to more than 2,000 with 150 additional corporate members. Some other advisory councils related to Japan that Alden has been a member of include the Harvard Program on US-Japan Relations, the Massachusetts-Hokkaiso Sister State Committee, the Newport-Shimoda Black Ships Festival, and the Boston-Kyoto Sister City Foundation. "business man" seems like it should be one word. Family Life Vernon and his late wife, Marion, have four children, Robert, Anne, James and David, as well as three grandsons, William, Anderson, and Thomas and five granddaughters, Acadia, Lydia, Mara, Lucy and Christelle. Sources Vernon R. Alden: An Oral History edited by: Doug McCabe Athens : Ohio University Libraries, c1999 Speaking for Myself: The Personal Reflections of Vernon R. Alden, University President, Corporate Director, International Entrepreneur By: Vernon Alden Wow. Structure and actual quality-of-writing wise, you've done very well. A tiny bit of copyediting for polish required. General comments: Do provide inline citations, to more than two sources! Sources which only mention, say, his grant from the Friendship Commission, can be cited as a reference for that particular fact. General sources are useful, but specific ones need to back them up. Also, do link the first instance of every organization or place that has an article with square brackets. That's about it! Your writing is pretty good; it's just technical Wikipedia stuff that needs tweaking.

Kyle Ranally: George Kahler

Kyle Ranally (talk) 18:08, 25 January 2012 (UTC)

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text comments George Runnells “Krum” Kahler (September 6, 1889 - February 7, 1924) was a Major League Baseball player from Athens, Ohio. He pitched for the Cleveland Naps from 1910 to 1914. Good lead, formatted correctly. Just bold Kahler's name (add ''' to either side), and add links to Major League Baseball, Athens, Ohio, Cleveland Naps. (add [[ ]] to either side.) The spelling of Kahler’s last name has varied in different newspapers, yearbooks and publications throughout his entire life. Kahler is sometimes spelled “Kaler” depending on the publication. The origin and spelling of his nickname “Krum” is unknown. It was occasionally spelled “Crum” in some articles (Scrapbook). This little bit should be put in a separate section titled "Spelling of name" (to create section titles, place == on either side of the title on an otherwise blank line) or preferably in a footnote (if the latter, I'll show you how to do it or give you a hand with it-- just let me know.) Kahler attended Athens High School and Ohio University of his hometown. His sister also became a faculty member in OU’s English department later in her life. He grew up as a three-sport athlete, playing baseball, football and basketball. He was originally a third baseman, but eventually made the move to pitcher (Scrapbook). In football, Kahler was a remarkable fullback. A local newspaper named him the “best OU fullback of the past twenty-five years” in the 1920s (Kenneally). The student body admired Kahler for his athletic ability and good character. An article of him in the 1909 Ohio University Athena yearbook described him as talented at a young age: “At the age of 2 months he could walk. At the age of 2 years he could throw a stone from his back window hitting 4 out of 6 passersby. At the age of 4 years he never missed.” (Athena) Upon his graduation from OU, he signed with Lima, a semi-professional baseball team. In late 1909 he moved to the Columbus Senators of the American Association making $150 per month to start. He had an outstanding 20-7 record starting for the Senators. In 1910 he was sold to the Cleveland Naps, boosting his salary to $300 per month and making him the first OU graduate to make it to the MLB (Mahn). This sounds like a biography section; maybe title it as such. Links, again, where useful. I see you've done inline citations, but in a different way to what we usually do here-- just a formatting issue though. Check out this page for help, or let me know if you'd like me to help with the formatting. Kahler was the second pitcher to use the emery ball, after Russ Ford. This now illegal pitch consisted of scarring the ball to be able to achieve unnatural movement (Baseball Reference). He learned this trick while playing in the minors. Kahler was relatively big for a pitcher; he was listed as about 6 feet tall and weighed approximately 183 pounds. This was sometimes a disadvantage for him. His large stature delayed his pitching delivery, making base stealing much easier for base runners (Scrapbook). Kahler joined the majors during a period known as the Dead Ball Era, a time when pitching dominated and batting was more strategic. In 1911 he was awarded a $600 bonus for finishing the season with an even or above pitching record (Mahn). Kahler had a confrontation with Detroit outfielder Ty Cobb in the 1912 season. Kahler hit Cobb with a pitch early in the season, infuriating Cobb and causing him to plan his retaliation. On April 22, 1912, Cobb and Kahler faced off again. This time Cobb hit a grounder to first base. As Kahler ran to cover the first base bag, Cobb tried to injure him with his cleats but missed in his attempt and fell to ground. Kahler, knowing Cobb’s intention, stood over him and threatened to “put him out for the rest of the season” if he did it again (Kenneally). Kahler was known for his toughness on the mound. He played through a slipped tendon in his throwing arm for fourteen innings against Toledo. In one game, he knocked down a line drive with his bare hand and was also hit in the ankle and shoulder by hard hit balls yet still pitched eleven innings against Minneapolis (Scrapbook). Hall of Fame player and manager Connie Mack described Kahler as “a man who can win against odds; one who will live through a lot of hits and come out with a victory.” (Kenneally) These short paragraphs seem like a collection of unrelated information and could be better organized. Subheaders may help. From Cleveland, he was sold to Portland of the Pacific Coast League where he immediately became the highest paid player in the league. He bounced around several minor league teams going 13-7, until he was released by the Columbus Senators on June 11, 1917. (Scrapbook) As per above-- a bit of an abrupt return to what looks like a timeline of his baseball activity. Just a bit of organizing or linking subjects for coherency. When his baseball career ended, Kahler enrolled in the American School of Osteopathy in Kirksville, Missouri. While pursuing his degree, Kahler also managed the school’s baseball team and assisted in coaching the basketball and football teams. He also was the president of the Student Athletic Association, president of the Study Body of the National Osteopathic Organization, business manager of the annual student publication and class valedictorian. He graduated in 1921 (Kenneally). He also enrolled in the School of Osteopathy in Detroit where he met his wife. He practiced osteopathy for the remainder of his life. One of his most famous practices was his treatment of fellow baseball player Marvin Goodwin (Kenneally). Though strong and athletic, he still suffered from chronic nephritis and diabetes, leading to his death on February 7, 1924 in Battle Creek, Virginia at the age of thirty-four (Dead Ball Era). He is buried in the West Union Street cemetery in Athens, Ohio (Scrapbook). Title this section "After baseball" or something similar? Sources Ohio University Mahn Center Ohio University Mahn Center Scrapbook 1909 Athena Yearbook Southeast Ohio Magazine Spring 2011 “Old Baseball Game” by Daniel Kenneally http://www.thedeadballera.com/tooyoung.html http://www.baseball-reference.com/bullpen/Emery_ball General comments! You've done very well citing your sources, but I'm not sure enough of them qualify as reliable sources by our guideline: see this page. One or two more, if possible, even little news articles, will help. These, as mentioned, need to be formatted in line with Wikipedia guidelines; similarly, links and section headings should be added. There's also the option of adding an "infobox", a box on the right side like on Rube Foster; this is complicated formatting explained at this page. If you'd rather provide the information for that and have me generate the infobox, I'm happy to do so. Overall, your prose is good. Just a little care needs to be taken to avoid a positive tone in some places-- just report the facts. Good job overall!

mp233010, Ohio University

The following is an addition I would like to put under the Ohio University Wikipedia article.

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text comments Myths of Paranormal Activity and Factual Horrors Ohio University has developed quite the reputation as one of the most haunted universities in the nation, but can these paranormal myths be proven or even explained with rational reasoning and factual evidence? The following myths were published in the October 31st edition of the Ohio University paper titled The Post in 1978. Most of these myths have been passed on through generations of students and are still alive and terrifying those who attend Ohio University till this day. We will begin where the basis of most of these myths derive from, Wilson Hall. The horror stories of paranormal activity in Wilson Hall have drifted throughout the campus since the dorm first opened in 1964. One of the most famous myths is the unconfirmed Jeane Dixon prediction that on All Soul’s Day, numerous female freshmen were to be slaughtered by a man wielding an ax. There are no records proving that murders as such have ever happened, yet when Halloween rolls around, women are still terrorized till this day by fake-ax-wielding pranksters looking to liven up the myth. There have been numerous myths regarding levitating and moving objects in Wilson Hall as well. This includes horror stories of books flying off shelves, bricks falling to the ground, and jars shattering on the dorm room floors, all of which supposedly happened without the interaction of visible outside forces. Of course it does not end there. Over the years people have heard noises, which turn into footsteps, which turn into whispers and so on. There has even been a circulating myth of a haunted rug. This rug was stumbled upon in a Wilson Hall storage area while a student was sleuthing on a trail of a ghost. She took the well-kept blue shag rug and moved it to her second floor room, thinking nothing of it. That night, she apparently saw an image of a very large, disproportioned woman combing her hair in her mirror. She only saw this apparition momentarily as she was dozing off. Obviously, she was not in the clearest state of mind and most likely imagined this image in a near-sleep state. The following day she demanded to be moved to from the second floor single to a fourth floor double. There have been numerous myths regarding this student and her new fourth floor roommate following this so-called paranormal experience. It is said that they practiced witchcraft and studied parapsychology, fooling around with the psychical method of astro-projection. Again, nothing has been recorded or documented proving that either of these female students made contact of any sort with paranormal entities. Ohio University has been falsely recognized as “One of the most haunted places on earth” according to The British Society for Psychical Research. Once again there is no proven documentation of the British Society for Psychical Research even creating a world-wide ranking of the most haunted places on earth. This is yet another myth that has brought much negative attention to the campus and city of Athens. There is one factual statement that reigns true among all of the myths haunting Ohio University. Parts of Ohio University were built over ancient burial grounds and the university is surrounded by over fifty cemeteries within a ten to fifteen mile radius. A select few of these cemeteries do form a pentagram, a common witchcraft symbol, which with some imagination and creativity places Wilson Hall directly in the center. A large contributor to the myths of haunted grounds and paranormal activity can be focused on the Athens Insane Asylum which was once home to the infamous lobotomist Walter Jackson Freeman. Dr. Freeman, along with the asylum as a whole, were known for their numerous gruesome lobotomies as well as their unorthodox practices with patients. These practices ranged from electrical shock therapy to being submerged into ice-cold water for extended periods of time. Sometimes the true stories are more horrifying than the paranormal myths. One myth that is most commonly heard among the students today in regards to the Athens Insane Asylum is the story of Margaret Schilling. Schilling, 53 at the time of her death, was a patient at the Athens Insane Asylum, simply known as the Athens Mental Health and Retardation Center at the time. After missing for six weeks, she was found dead in an abandoned ward. She was bare, frozen to the floor, with her clothes neatly folded on the windowsill. It is documented that she was approximately dead for four to five weeks before she was discovered and needed to be scrapped off of the floor. At the time the autopsy revealed no foul play, but the true story has been circulating amongst faculty and students for years. Ward N. 20 where she was found had not been used in “quite a number of years” according to the superintendent at the time. Ward N. 20 is a split-level floor located on the top of the three story wing of the asylum. The doors are locked from the outside and getting up to this ward required unlocking numerous doors on the way. It was first speculated that Schilling most likely entered the ward through the window, but this particular ward had been searched within a week of her initial disappearance. Only a select few people know this, but Schilling was a chain-smoker. It has been said that she would exchange sexual favors with the guards for cartons of cigarettes. It is believed that one guard in particular was tired of “sharing” Schilling with two of the other guards, and as a result he took her up to the abandoned N. 20 ward to have his way with her. Although it has never been publically released, faculty and individuals in the archives have shared that she had strangle marks upon her neck when she was found dead. Today, there is still an outline of Margaret Schilling’s body located on the floor of the closed off N. 20 ward. Although there has been much graffiti added over the years, the outline still unexplainably remains on the floor. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 184.57.76.81 (talk) 09:00, 24 January 2012 (UTC) In general, this is an essay. It's unsourced—–no references anywhere—and doesn't read like an encyclopedia article. Do add sources and present it in a more factual, less sensational way. Comments like "we will begin..." and "of course it does not end there" are not suitable for Wikipedia, which simply presents facts. Please see this page for a quick guide to sourcing.

Croft, Carolyn- Alwin Nikolais

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text comments Alwin Nikolais Alwin Nikolais (November 25, 1910 in Southington, Connecticut – May 8, 1993) was an American choreographer. Nikolais studied piano at an early age and began his performing career as an organist accompanying silent films. As a young artist, he gained skills in scenic design, acting, puppetry and music composition. This is good as a lead, just needs mentions of what he is best known for (significant accolades is the easiest way to do this.) Also, do add his place of death to the brackets. It was after attending a performance by the German dancer Mary Wigman that he was inspired to study dance. He received his early dance training at Bennington College from the great figures of the modern dance world: Hanya Holm, Martha Graham, Doris Humphrey, Charles Weidman, Louis Horst, and others. In 1940, in collaboration with Truda Kaschmann, his first modern dance teacher, Nikolais received a commission to create Eight Column Line, his first ballet. The work was presented at one of the events of Hartford social season that counted Salvador Dalí and Léonide Massine as honorary patrons and was well received. After teaching two years at his own studio and touring the US with dancers from Hanya Holm's company, Nikolais did active duty in the Army during World War II as a master sergeant in criminal investigation. Nikolais relocated to New York City following the war and resumed studying with Hanya Holm. Eventually, after four years, he became Holm's assistant, teaching at her New York school and at Colorado College during the summers. In 1948, Nikolais was appointed director of the Henry Street Playhouse, which had been left in a state of transition and had to be entirely re-established. He formed the Playhouse Dance Company, later renamed and known as the Nikolais Dance Theatre. It was at Henry Street that Nikolais began to develop his own world of abstract dance theatre, portraying man as part of a total environment. Nikolais redefined dance, as "the art of motion which, left on its own merits, becomes the message as well as the medium". He believes "The Province of art is to explore the inner mechanisms and extra dimensional areas of life and, out of the exploration, to produce its findngs translated into the form of the artist's media." It was also at Henry Street Playhouse that Mr. Nikolais was joined by Murray Louis, who was to become a driving force in the Playhouse Company, Nikolais' leading dancer and longtime collaborator. In 1956, the Nikolais Dance Theater was invited to its first of many appearances at the American Dance Festival. With this, his total dance theatre had begun to take shape, and the company established itself in the forefront of American contemporary dance. By 1959, the Playhouse was made one of the most outstanding dance-theatre-schools in the country. With the company's 1968 Paris season at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées, Nikolais' impact on dance grew internationally. Following Paris, the company began performing around the world. Here began a long artistic relationship with the Théâtre de la Ville which began in 1971 and continues now after his death. In 1978, the French National Ministry of Culture invited him to form the Centre Nationale de la Danse Contemporaine in Angers, France. In December 1980, he created his 99th choreographic work Schema, for the Paris Opera. At the same time, his choreography for an opera by Gian Carlo Menotti was being staged at the Vienna Staatsoper. In 1987, Nikolais was awarded the National Medal of Arts, bestowed by President Ronald Reagan, and the Kennedy Center Honors, conferred during a three-day round of official Washington events, which culminated in a CBS telecast featuring the Nikolais Dance Theater. He received the City of Paris' highest honor, the Grande Medaille de Vermeille de la Ville de Paris, as well as medals from Seville, Spain, Athens, Greece, and 30 other cities both foreign and national as well as a special citation from New York City's Mayor, which he shared with Murray Louis. Often referred to as the American Patriarch of French modern dance, Nikolais is a knight of France's Legion of Honor and a commander of the Order of Arts and Letters. His accolades from the world of arts and letters included the Samuel H. Scripps American Dance Festival Award; the Capezio Award; Circulo Criticos Award, Chile; Emmy Citation Award; Dance Magazine Award; the Tiffany Award; and the American Dance Guild Award. In 2000 he was inducted into the National Museum of Dance and Hall of Fame. Nikolais was granted five honorary doctorate degrees, was twice designated a Guggenheim Fellow, and was the recipient of a three year creativity grant from the Andrew W. Mellon Foundation. Mr. Nikolais and his work have been featured in numerous films and television programs in the US and abroad. In July 1987, Nik and Murray, a feature-length documentary film about Nikolais and Murray Louis, directed by Christian Blackwood, aired on the PBS series American Masters. Nikolais was renowned as a master teacher, and his pedagogy is taught in schools and universities throughout the world. He died of cancer on May 8, 1993, in New York and is buried in Père Lachaise cemetery in Paris. Among his best known performances are "Masks, Props, and Mobiles" (1953), "Totem" (1960), and "Count Down" (1979). Nikolais purchased the first Moog analog synthesizer system. Whew. Paragraphing would make this less of a wall of text! A section title like "Biography" followed by subheadings may help. "Mr. Nikolais" also should be removed, refer to him consistently by his last name. His Style Nikolais employed lights, slides, electronic music, and stage props to create environments through which dancers moved and, more important, into which they blended (Dance Magazine). He would commonly use props with esthetic as well as functional purposes, for instance, a traveler moving across the stage would hide a crossing and simultaneously create a volume of motion. He went against the grain of his era and avoided overused themes like psychosexuality, good vs. evil, or heroines. Instead, he chose to move away from the life of the individual and focus on group action. He preferred also to develop his own style of movement, and not to replicate the moves of previous time periods or other composers. He was notoriously well known in the dance industry because of his unique use of lighting. He would use light sources from every direction and level to create new shapes, spaces, and silhouettes. With his modern, ingenious new style, he felt that most music was ill suited for it. He went back to his days as an early musical composer and designed his own score on electronic tape. Within the Henry Street Playhouse, the tapes would be played over a seven speaker system distributed throughout the room to give another time and space dimension. The combination of an outstanding cast, original lighting and music, with modern dance techniques from a one-of-a-kind choreographer, gained The Nikolais Dance Theatre a world-renowned reputation in the theatrical arts. Carolyn Croft (talk) 04:46, 25 January 2012 (UTC) Just title this "Style", I think. Be careful with words like "ingenious", "went against the grain of his era", "outstanding", "one-of-a-kind". We can report that others said such things but not draw such judgements; we are an encyclopedia and simply report facts. General comments. This really needs to have references for all the information. See this page for how Wikipedia inline citations are done. Also, link organizations/places/other subjects likely to have Wikipedia articles, like this: [[Cheese]] makes Cheese.

Ohio University: Christhompson131 =

Christhompson131 (talk) 21:46, 25 January 2012 (UTC) I am adding this section to the History portion at the Ohio University page user:christhompson131

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text comments 1970 Protests and School Closing Claude Sowle entered the presidency at Ohio University at an interesting time in the university’s past. There had been protesting on campus before his term as president on such matters as equal treatment of women and African Americans. Protesting on Ohio University campus had not yet reached the extreme that it would during the school year of 1970. Claude Sowle became president of the university in August of 1969 and almost immediately was met by protesting on issues such as the National Moratorium and others due to an increase in university fees for the 1970-1971 school year. There were some that believed that campus should have been closed on the National Moratorium, but President Sowle left campus open due to the fact that he felt the Moratorium was a tax payer issue, which involved viewpoints on both sides of the spectrum. Gah. I thought I'd commented on this one ages ago; my internet has been on-and-off and half my edits haven't actually saved. Frustrating. Anyway. This section's first sentence seems like commentary: an interesting time, really? I imagine this is focussed not on Sowle's presidency but on the protests, and heading it up with his being president is an interesting way to do it. I suggest just starting with "while there were protests before 1970 on matters such as..... , they had not yet reached..." etc. On January 30 in 1970, a university fee meeting was held in Cutler Hall during the late morning to discuss the fee increase passed by the Board of Trustees on January 12. Near the end of the discussion, some 150 students entered Cutler Hall in an attempt to get into the meeting. There were some damages caused in Cutler Hall, and the demonstrators were redirected from the entrance of Cutler Hall to College Green. By the afternoon, a temporary restraining order was issued to Judge Bolin as Sowle felt necessary to disperse the crowd on College Green. Those who failed to disperse were placed under arrest, forty-six demonstrators were arrested, thirty-nine of whom pleaded guilty and received fines. Standardize dates: "on January 30, 1970". A little bit of copyediting required as well: "some damages" doesn't sound right. Last sentence is a run-on sentence; replace first comma with a semicolon or colon maybe? In mid-April of the same year, tension on campus began to rise due to a sensitive topic, whether Army and Air force ROTC should exist on campus. Nine female students demonstrated against its existence by performing a sit-in on an Army ROTC class in Carnegie Hall, resulting in the arrest of these women who became known as the “Athens 9”. The Athens 9 were not allowed on campus, which did not sit well with certain people who viewed the campus ban as unfair because they did not receive the right of due process after their arrest. Likewise, this first sentence is a run-on sentence. Clarify what exactly the issue is; for me here in New Zealand, I have absolutely no idea what a ROTC is and why this was an issue that caused tension. On April 30, President Nixon announced that several thousand ground troops would be deployed in Cambodia, which added extra uneasiness to the controversial topic of the war in Vietnam. On May 4, a student demonstration was organized on College Green at the same time the news was revealed of the tragedy at Kent State in which four students were shot and killed by unprepared National Guardsman. This added fuel to the fire on the topic of ROTC on campus and the intensity of demonstrations increase. Until this point demonstrations succeeded to remain almost completely non-violent even though there had been some damages caused throughout campus. On May 7, in the early hours of the A.M. the peace was broken after two fire bombings in the ROTC supply room in Penden Stadium (OU Alumini Journal, 8/70). Your prose is generally in the right style for an encyclopedia, which is great. Minor copyedits: The sentence that ends with "increase" I'm assuming should end with "increased". "succeded to remain" is mixed tense. Standardization again; "in the early hours of the A.M." is just awkward phrasing. Throughout the next few weeks demonstrations such as sit-ins and rallies on College Green were organized. Also within the first few weeks of May, discussion and meetings were held on whether Ohio University should remain open. There were some who wanted to close the university, but President Sowle wanted to keep the campus open, and encouraged students to keep a peaceful nonviolent stance. There was even a meeting that was held where a man named Bruce Kuhre moved to have Ohio University closed but the motion was denied 25 to 6. Despite his desire to keep campus open, increasing intensity and tension on campus led to a serious consideration of safety on campus. Student safety was a concern of the faculty as well as concern for the disruption of campus life. Around 2 a.m. on May 15 President Sowle and Athens Mayor Raymond Shepard jointly requested that the Ohio National Guard be called to Athens to help close Ohio University. At 3 a.m. President Sowle announced that campus would be closed immediately until the beginning of Summer quarter. Students were told to gather up their belongings and head home before the quarter was able to come to a close. The sentence beginning "there was even a meeting that was held" needs to be explained and/or fitted in to the text a little closer. "intensity and tension": intensity of what? "a serious consideration of safety" should probably be expressed as "serious concerns about safety", and the sentence after that should also be reworded to something like "the faculty were concerned about student safety and minimizing the disruption of campus life" or similar. The next issue that had to be handled was how to deal with closing a quarter early, since this had not happened before in school history. There were some amounts of refund granted due to the fact that students paid for an entire quarter that was cut short. Student grades remained the same as they were at the time that Ohio University was closed. Those students who were seniors that year were not able to receive a ceremonial graduation because of the closing. Though they were not able to attend a graduation at the time that was expected, the class of 1970 was able to receive a proper Commencement Ceremony in June of 2010, forty years after a turbulent time in Ohio University’s history that will not be forgotten by those present. This particular paragraph reads a little essay-like. "Closing a quarter early was unprecedented in school history." would probably be a better first sentence. Similarly, "Some students who paid for an entire quarter were given partial refunds" or similar for the second sentence. The last sentence should have the closing bit "forty years after..." taken off, as this is again opinion and not encyclopedic. References General comments! Please link useful subjects to the relevant Wikipedia articles, like the 1970 Kent State shooting, by putting two square brackets on eitiher side ([[Kent State shootings]].) Be careful of your prose, and cite more closely-- that is, cite each statement if possible to its source. If possible, a greater variety of sources is also preferred, but this is not mandatory. Well done with structure and tone in general-- it's mostly very encyclopedic.

1st African American graduates

Hi Sonia, this is my project. Your feedback will be essential.

Extended content

John Newton Templeton text comments John Newton Templeton was born in 1805 on a cotton plantation in South Carolina. In 1813, his family became free of slavery and chose to migrate to Ohio. After the big move to the free state of Ohio, Templeton was given the chance to attend Ohio University through the help of Ohio University 3rd President Robert G. Wilson. At the time, Ohio University had no restrictive clauses pertaining to race. The policy stated any male of any color could be admitted if they had the qualifications. Although there weren’t any restrictions on race, racial discrimination was still a likely occurrence. While attending Ohio University Templeton chose to major in English and due to the nature of his major he became a member of the Athenian Literary society. Throughout Templeton college life, he served as a student servant. Historical accounts believe that he lived with Ohio University President Robert G. Wilson, due to the racial and social discrimination he was not allowed to stay in the dormitories with the other students. After sustaining college for four years, Templeton graduated on September 17, 1828. He was the first African American to graduate from Ohio University and the Northwest Territory. Some researchers believe he was the fourth African American graduate in the nation. He was one of ten students in the graduating class of 1828. During graduation, he gave a speech called “The Claims of Liberia”, which spoke about the return to Africa and the country of Liberia was open to accepting freed slaves of African descent. After graduation he taught in Chillicothe for some time at Chillicothe’s African Methodist Episcopal Church School. Templeton also became a member of the Chillicothe Anti-Slavery Society. Then he finally chose to settle in Pittsburg in 1836. He became an educator and political activist. While living in Pittsburg, he became the first teacher and principal of Pittsburg first African American children school. In July of1851, Templeton passed away at about 44 years of age of unknown causes. He left a significant mark in history at Ohio University. Ohio University acknowledges his legacy through the contributions at the Alumni Gate, The John Newton Templeton Outstanding Student Award, The Templeton- Blackburn Memorial Auditorium, and The Templeton Scholar Program. This really, really needs references in order to become an article. Please see this page for a bit of a guide. Minor style concerns: avoid contractions like "weren't", and link things like Liberia or Ohio University or South Carolina by adding square brackets: [[Liberia]] like so. This isn't major, though; the most important thing is references. Do also check our notability guideline on biographies and make sure it is clear how he is notable by these criteria. Martha Jane Hunley-Blackburn text comments Martha Jane Hunley- Blackburn was born on March 21, 1894. She and her family lived in Wilmington, Ohio. After graduating from Wilmington High School in 1912, Blackburn’s father, an Athens barber stated he would pay for her college education if she went to Ohio University. Once Blackburn arrived at Ohio University in 1912, she lived in town in a small African American community because African American students were not allowed to live in the dormitories. Blackburn chose to major in English and Literature with a minor in Home Economics. During her time at Ohio University, she was a member of the B.S. in E. Senior Club, she had a close relationship with Dean Richardson and his daughter, and she engaged in social activities with the other African American students. In 1916, Blackburn graduated summa cum laude and became the first African American woman to graduate from Ohio University. She was one of four graduates in the class of 1916. After graduation, she was offered the position to be the head of Home Economics at West Virginia State University. But she decided to turn the offer down, considering the high racial discrimination in the southern states. She later accepted a position at Central State University as the head of their Home Economics department. During her time at Central State University, she met her husband Charles Blackburn which happened to be the son of Ohio University first African American to be a trustee on the Board of Trustees, John R. Blackburn. After getting married the couple decided to move to Columbus, Ohio. In consideration of the education system in Columbus Blackburn could not teach in the same school system as her husband so she looked elsewhere for work. Subsequently, she was offered a position at Washington High School in London, West Virginia. She took the position and work there for 25 years. Although Blackburn never taught in the field of English and Literature, she noticed Home Economics was her calling. Blackburn was very good at sewing because she learned at an early age from her grandmother, without knowing she could make a career out of her talent. Blackburn teaching abilities has paved the way for many of her students make a living. Blackburn was a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated. She has also chartered two chapters, one at Wilberforce University and the other in Tucson, Arizona. In 1979, Blackburn was invited to Ohio University Alumni Awards Banquet where she received the Medal of Merit. She was very pleased and grateful to receive such an honor. Blackburn passed away at the age of 98, in 1992. She was fortunate enough to have a long life while making history at the same time. Ohio University acknowledges her legacy through the Spencer-Blackburn Scholarship and the Templeton- Blackburn Memorial Auditorium. All the comments for the other biography apply, but do watch your grammar more carefully! Both articles are well structured, but also take care to avoid statements like "she was fortunate enough to have a long life...", as we have a neutral point of view policy which means we shouldn't add commentary of that sort about whether her lifespan is fortunate. Do let me know if you have further questions. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kris2013 (talk • contribs) 00:03, 3 February 2012 (UTC)