User:Mulderscurtainbangs/sandbox

Mulderspice (aka "the Spice")

Mulderspice (mulderspice.tumblr.com) is a fandom blog dedicated to the 1990's Fox Broadcasting Company show The X Files. Commonly referred to as "the Spice," this blog allows Tumblr users to anonymously submit messages to the page owner. Followers can participate in nightly rewatches of the episodes, offering commentary and creating lore having to do with the characters, actors, and respective topics.

Though the blog is primarily X-Files centric, often times other entertainment franchises and series are discussed and analyzed. This includes (but is not limited to) The Karate Kid Series, primarily Cobra Kai; As well as Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Baywatch Nights, The Sopranos, and many more.

Lore

Baywatch Nights

Baywatch Nights is an American police and science-fiction drama series that aired in syndication from 1995 to 1997. It is a spinoff of the television series Baywatch, but is known for being an X-Files rip-off. On December 31st 2020, the Mulderspice collective had a discussion about the series.

According to Mulderspice lore, Detective Lifeguard Mitch Buchanan is a licensed federal agent at the FBI, appearing in place of the character John Doggett in season 8 of The X-Files (thus rendering the character of Doggett non-canon).

if they replaced Doggett with Detective Lifeguard Mitch Buchanan in season 8, they would have found Mulder in the first episode of the season.

Blue Raspberry Coolatta

A 2-in-1 Baskin Robbins-Dunkin Donuts restaurant.

The Coolatta is an iced beverage served at the American multinational coffee and doughnut company, Dunkin' Donuts. Several flavors of Coolatta are offered by the chain, including Blue Raspberry, Strawberry and Vanilla Bean. Though, it should be noted that the flavor most relevant and significant to the Mulderspice blog is Blue Raspberry. The drink was first mentioned on Mulderspice on January 6th, 2021, in an anonymous ask that read:

"Mulder accidentally spilling his Blue Raspberry Coolatta® into the open chest cavity of the dead person that Scully is autopsy-ing like "woops"

In the X-Files episode S.R. 819, a Mulderspice anon theorized that Alex Krycek was torturing Skinner by replacing his blood with Blue Raspberry Coolatta via remote control technology.

dont the bees that hurt Walter Madilyn Ann make his blood blue? Strange. it's almost like a certain flavor of a certain iced beverage ... available for purchase at Dunkin donuts ... is coursing through his veins. hmmm

Cake Boss

Buddy Valastro. The Cake Boss, himself.

The Cake Boss (aka Buddy Valastro) is a pastry chef who owns the famous Carlos Bakery in Hoboken, New Jersey. According to Mulderspice lore, Kaitlyn Mulderspice went to him to request a life sized Mulder cake for her wedding, featuring the famous season 4 curtained bangs.

A mix up ensued in the kitchen, with Buddy's crew accidentally giving the cake season 7 bangs:

“Cake Boss, make me a life size cake of Fox Mulder from the television series The X Files” And there’s a scene in the ep where Cake Boss is screaming at his crew in the kitchen for giving the cake season 7 hair when it was supposed to be season 4 hair. So they have to fix it ASAP 10 minutes before the delivery.

Upon realizing the error, moments before the delivery, Buddy exclaimed:

"Dis is da season sevin hair, you idiots! I said make da seasin four hair. Ohhhh madone, you guys are killin' me. Dose bangs are suppost to be curtained!"

It is also theorized that one of Buddy's kitchen staff members, fan favorite Ralph Attanasia III, is a friend of The Lone Gunmen.

I could see Mulder going over to visit the Lone Gunmen at the bachelor pad and they're like "hey, meet our new friend" and Ralph from Cake Boss walks out

Chernobyl Disaster

The Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant.

The Chernobyl disaster was a nuclear accident that occurred on Saturday 26 April 1986, at the No. 4 reactor in the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, near the city of Pripyat in the north of the Ukrainian SSR.

In the early hours of the 26th of April 1986, Alex Krycek went to visit Walter Skinner during his shift as a Nuclear Technician at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant. The meeting was meant to be business as usual, with Krycek intending to threaten Walter via remote control. Unfortunately, in the process of doing so, Krycek placed his can of La Croix down on the uneven surface of the control room console, spilling its Kiwi Watermelon flavored contents onto the interface. This in turn caused which was at the time the largest nuclear disaster in history.

Skinner continues to work at the plant to this day, and is currently the only employee still on the payroll who was present for the disaster.

Strangely enough, Walter Skinner's level of respect for the disaster has come into question on multiple occasions. Most notably, when he killed a prostitute on the tenth anniversary of the meltdown, in 1996.

Chris McCandless

It has been theorized that the real reason Chris McCandless disappeared into the wild in 1992 was because of the growing popularity of the MKR in the lower 48. To escape this, he ran to Alaska where he could attempt to spread the truth and gospel of MSR. Unfortunately, the young man may not have been able to fulfill this goal, as he was shot in Alaska during a drive by shooting in which Alex Krycek barreled past him in an antique bus.

Duchovny cry face at an 11 like when that bitch Teena died

The Duchovny cry face refers to the face that actor David Duchovny makes when he cries onscreen. This is usually extremely exaggerated, and features him scrunching up his face with maximum force, despite the fact that there are no tears present. A good example of this is in the season seven episode Sein und Zeit, in which the death of Mulder's mother Teena causes him to once again make this cry face.

In the final hours of December 31 2020, an ask was sent to Mulderspice expressing a point about how Mulder would react to William (his biological son), wearing Supreme, a fashion brand considered to be slightly trashy to Mulder, who is known to have refined taste in clothing.

you know William would fight to wear supreme. he has those scully teen genes. Mulder would find Supreme flip flops hidden behind Williams dresser and literally sob violently. Duchovny cry face at an 11. like when that bitch Teena died but worse

This ask referenced the famous cry face seen in Sein und Zeit, as well as the This Is Spinal Tap influenced term "Up to Eleven", used for measuring something that is pushed to the limit.

This spawned the term "that bitch Teena", which became the main way to refer to Mulder's mother in the Mulderspice canon.

Fiveman

Fiveman, is the evil alter-ego of Eric Foreman, a member of Dr. Gregory House's team and later, Dean of Medicine at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital on the FOX television series House.

For the first three seasons of the show, Foreman was the rational third of House's underlings. Fiveman however, is Foreman's complete opposite. Still retaining Foreman's intelligence, knowledge of medicine, and level-headed disposition, Fireman differs from Foreman in that he is on a quest for Chaos. This includes, but is not limited to, bringing about the destruction of the earth, killing every incarnation of God, destroying Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, usurping Lisa Cuddy, gaining revenge on Gregory House, locking Chase in the MRI machine, and above all else: disrespecting the Hippocratic Oath. As a doctor, Fiveman does not believe in Occam's razor, but rather performs his diagnostic duties using his own method, which he refers to as Fiveman's razor. This is the belief that "the most chaotic explanation is usually the best one." One of his powers is his "sexuality vision" where he is able to determine someone's sexuality simply by looking at them.

Fiveman can be distinguished from Foreman by several factors. Most notably, his glowing red eyes and green, Dragonball Z-esque mullet.

The Genesis of Fiveman

The genesis of Fiveman occurred when he gained possession of the hospital power crystals, which are the sacred artifacts kept inside protective casing within the Dean of Medicine's office. Whoever possesses them holds the coveted "Dean" title, but as we know "with great power comes great responsibility". For if one does not gain possession of the power crystals through legitimate methods (aka: appointment to the position via the hospital board), their magical properties have the ability to alter and corrupt one's aura. Foreman had been unhappy with House's recent behavior, and Cuddy's inability to stop him. When Foreman took the power crystals from Cuddy's office in order to usurp her and gain control of House, he did so without the board's approval, and in doing so, the spirit of Fiveman was born.

Fiveman Lore Within The House MD Universe

"Hello Foreman. Or should I say, Fiveman." — Dr. Gregory House upon realizing that Foreman has transformed into Fiveman.

Many are fooled by Fiveman's disguises, however, House was one of the few able to instantaneously recognize him. House, being a seasoned diagnostician, instantly recognized the shift in Foreman's aura, and suspected demonic possession as a result of corruption from the hospital power crystals. Fiveman's initial relationship with House was rocky to say the least. He came into this world with the intention of killing Gregory House once and for all, going so far as threatening to kill Greg's boyfriend, James Wilson, if James would not reveal Greg's location. House at one point tried to cage Fiveman by teaming up with Gob Bluth to trap him within the Aztec Tomb, but this was in vain, as he was able to escape with the help of the Alliance of Magicians (who were paid off by Fiveman in return for protection). Fiveman and Greg would work together however, and find the cure to cancer in coming years, although through illegal and inhumane means.

The Government's Knowledge of Fiveman

Fiveman is no stranger to the forces of the United States government, and is wanted by many government agencies for his crimes against humanity. An X-File exists on Fiveman. Fox Mulder attempted to take down Fiveman and failed, as he was distracted by the fact that Alex Krycek and Dr. Robert Chase were having an affair in his apartment while he was at work.

Mulder: “Scully, you ever hear of a doctor harnessing the power of dark magic?”

Scully: “Mulder, that’s impossible”

Mulder tosses her a file

Mulder: “Not in New Jersey it isn’t”

— Dana Scully yet again ignoring the obvious, and allowing countless more murders to occur in the name of Fiveman because "magic isn't real" and yet Christianity is for some reason.

Fiveman Vs. The Mortal Realm (Revenge on the Mulderspice Collective)

Fiveman is one of the most popular House MD characters, and considered one of the most influential characters in modern literature by many scholars, his infamy rivaling that of Holden Caulfield and Judas Iscariot. He is one of the few television characters that possesses the ability to become real and enter the dreams of mortals on earth. Even David Shore cannot control Fiveman, though he may try desperately, his attempts have always been in vain.

One of the punishments that Fiveman inflicted upon the mortal realm was Hurricane Henri. This revenge was inflicted upon New England as a result of Mulderspice Discord member and occasional Redditor, Coolatta, posting about Fiveman in the House MD subreddit.

Since June 20th, 2014 at 9:36am, Fiveman has walked this earth. However, it is every 7 years that his power reaches it's strongest level. The Fiveman 7, refers to the 7 years of slumber that Fiveman took immediately following his inception. For this period of time, he remained dormant, charging his power, waiting until the fateful year of 2021 to return and wreck havoc upon the Mulderspice Club Discord (an event which is referred to as "The Fiveman Renaissance"). Much like children discovering the Jumanji board every 30 years, the Mulderspice Club had no idea of the evils that they had stumbled upon. But this time, no one will be able to save Robin Williams, or anyone for that matter. Fiveman vows revenge upon them, and he won't stop until he gets what he came for.

Jebediah Chase

Jebediah Chase is the do-gooder, vigilante-justice-loving, cowboy alter-ego of Dr. Robert Chase from the television series, House MD. Chase assumes this form to fight the evil Fiveman, as his mortal form is too weak to do so, and is often imprisoned within the MRI machine when attempting to fight back

Much like Sailor Moon, Chase is able to transform into his alter ego by shouting a magical phrase and donning a special item of clothing. For Dr. Chase, this involves putting on a cowboy hat and standing in front of a mirror. By intensely staring into his own eyes, and repeating "naur" (more commonly known in the American English Language as "no"), Chase begins his transformation. As he takes on his cowboy form, the "naur's" gradually become "no's", and Chase becomes Jebediah.

“Naur, naur, naur, naur, nau, nau, na, na, no .” — Robert Chase transforming into Jebediah Chase.

Jebediah Chase is also a firefighter in the television series Chicago Fire.

Kitsune

Gaia Online.

According to Muldespice lore, Kitsune is the name that Fox Mulder often goes by online and in various social situations in which he wants to appear cool. Kitsune means "fox" in Japanese. And thus, it serves as Mulder's fantasy OC projection of himself.

Mulder: I even made my parents call me Kitsune

Mulder uses this name online in several situations. For example "kitsunemulder" is his Gaia Online username. His Youtube username is "XXXKitsuneXXX". But he has also been known to use this name in real world situations, for example at the vape shop.

The guys at the vape shop know him as Kitsune tho

There is some anon speculation that Mulder legally changed his name to Kitsune at some point.

mulder changed all his documents he is now legally kitsune mulder

Krycek's Missile Silo

After being trapped in the abandoned missile silo in Apocrypha, Krycek decided that the Black Crow, North Dakota fixer upper would need a little TLC if he was going to be staying there for the foreseeable future. This resulted in a massive renovation of the property, in which Krycek put his seasoned interior design skills to work, creating an interior that can only be described as "Y2K girly meets industrial goth".

Many aspects of the original, vintage interior were repurposed with a modern touch. For example, the haunted UFO in the center of the silo was "rescued" and transformed into island counter space in the kitchen. With Crate & Barrel swivel stools and a shiplap finish, many guests to the house remark that it's a show stopping centerpiece to an already incredible room.

The "industrial goth" inspired entrance.

Despite the fact that the silo does in fact belong to the US government, Krycek uses it as a seasonal residence as well as rental property. But it should be noted that Krycek is a firm believer in squatter's rights. The residence's status as an intermittent rental property is due to Krycek's busy work schedule as lead backup dancer for Lady Gaga, which causes him to be absent from home for a good portion of the year. The silo itself is a popular AirBnb spot, with extremely favorable reviews, earring Krycek the title of "superhost" within the app.

Krycek x Teena

After allegedly killing Mulder’s father, Krycek began to make an effort to be closer to Mulder’s mom, Teena. It should be noted that this was not because he had any romantic interest or care for her, but was simply because he wanted to fuck with Mulder as much as possible.

He began this charade by visiting her often and cooking her dinner, performing many of the actions that Mulder, her son, should have been doing for her himself (if she was actually a good mom and deserved those things). Krycek would often talk to Teena about Mulder in the process, letting his sexually frustrated facade slip, though Teena was always none the wiser.

Krycek: mulder is so frustrating sometimes, like, he looks at you with those eyes and licks his lips and he acts like he doesn’t know what he’s doing you know

Teena: you’re such a lovely observant boy krycek

The typical "kitchenware" section of a Bed Bath and Beyond. Similar to the one where Krycek proposed to Teena.

Krycek would often take Teena on shopping trips to the Bed Bath and Beyond at the Cape Cod Mall. On one such occasion, Mulder ran into both of them as they were picking out curtains for Teena’s house. This sent him into a fit of rage, and he and Krycek got into a full blown fistfight in the drapes section. Unfortunately for them, Skinner was working his shift as manager of the Hyannis location, which resulted in both of them being kicked out of the store and banned for life from all Bed Bath and Beyond locations in the United States. This experience however, did not cloud Teena’s perception of Krycek, and she instead blamed her son for causing the chaos, scolding him as he sat in the back of her Dodge Caravan.

Teena: Fox, I’m extremely disappointed in you. I thought I taught you to treat your friends better than this. I want you to look Alex in the eyes and apologize.

Krycek then devised a plan to have his lifetime ban from Bed Bath and Beyond revoked, doing so by threatening Skinner with his Blue Raspberry Coolatta remote control so that he would once again allow him to frequent the store. After some pressuring, Krycek’s lifetime ban was removed and he was allowed back at the houseware chain. To celebrate the occasion and further fuck with Mulder psychologically, he proposed to Teena Mulder in the kitchenware section of the very same Bed Bath and Beyond that he was banned from a year prior. Teena accepted his proposal and Krycek became Mulder’s new “Dad”.

Mulder is extremely resentful of Krycek’s new position as his father, and refuses to accept it. He sometimes shows up at Teena’s house in the middle of the night (as he often does for many other reasons), screaming things such as: “MOM. DID YOU FUCK KRYCEK??”, as if it's an extremely urgent question that relates to solving the greater government conspiracy that shrouds his life. Krycek knows how much this upsets him, going so far as whispering things like “We'll always have Bed Bath and Beyond, honey.” sensually in Teena’s ear within earshot of Mulder.

Middle Names

A middle name is a portion of a persons name that sits between their given name and surname. It is tradition within the Mulderspice lore to assign traditionally feminine middle names to male fictional characters. This practice itself started on January 15 2021, when blog creator Kaitlyn Mulderspice made a post referring to actor Nicholas Lea as “Nicolas Jessica Lea”.

This eventually influenced other users to do the same. Some notable examples are

• Daniel Teresa Larusso
• David Dolores Duchovny
• John Fitzgerald Amber-Lynn Byers
• Melvin Christina Frohike 
• Johnny Danielle Lawrence
• John Johanna Marie Kreese
• Nicholas Jessica Lea
• Richard Allison Langley
• Walter Madilyn Ann Skinner

Modell The Weaboo

Anime character Hatsune Miku. Modell's ideal woman.

Robert Patrick Modell is a fictional character portrayed by actor Robert Wisden in The X-Files episode Pusher. He is a fan of Japanese culture and believes himself to be a Ronin, despite the fact that he is a white guy.

Modell’s interests and personality traits classify him as a weaboo, or someone who is not Japanese but who obsesses over Japanese culture.

According to Mulderspice lore, Modell originally became obsessed with Mulder when Mulder left a piece of constructive criticism on one of his AMV’s posted YouTube. The theory goes as follows:

The real reason why Modell hated Mulder was because XxxKitsune1013xxX left a comment under Modell's Naruto/Hatsune Miku AMV saying that the video "lacked artistic vision" so Modell doxxed him and tried to destroy his life

This event led Mulder to be the target of Modell’s wrath.

The Modell saga on Mulderspice began during the Pusher rewatch on December 21, 2020. Various headcanons were thrown around relating to this theory. A sample of some of the asks that night that built the foundation of this theory are listed below

• "modell has a waifu i just know it"
• "Modell has the Death Note. It's the only thing that makes sense"
• "Modell is just like "How dare you all underestimate me. Don't you know that I am the highest ranking shinobi in the DC Metro area??""
• ""Modell is the name my stupid parents gave me. Call me: 'モデル'"."
• "modell has a kpop stan twitter acc"
• "Model answering the phone: Moshi Moshi, Mulder-san."
• "Modells fridge filled with nothing but ramen and pocky. Mulder this like "this sick fuck""
• "miku binder modell"

Mulder's crush on The Moxie Man

Mr. Tall, dark and handsome himself.

Fox Mulder's first crush was on "The Moxie Man", the mascot for the regional New England soda brand, Moxie, and inspiration for the 1995 R.E.M. single "Crush With Eyeliner" off their smash hit game-changer and masterpiece of an album, Monster (a song and album that Mulder cries to weekly, if not daily). Mulder was absolutely taken by his gothic Robert Smith-esque appearance, his dark and brooding charcoal lined eyes and subtle dark shade of lipstick. And also, the fact that he is a doctor, which is a major turn-on for Mulder. In his bedroom in Martha's Vineyard, a poster of The Moxie Man was plastered above his bed, eternally pointing at him during those dark New England nights, and encouraging him to be as goth and extra as possible.

Mulder loves the Moxie drink so much that he forced his local D.C. Cost Plus World Market to carry it by flashing his FBI badge and gun at the clerk.

Mulder's Krycek Sleeve

The relationship between Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek that spans the entirety of the X Files is complicated to say the least. Both Mulder and Krycek have attempted to kill the other on numerous occasions, resulting in a love/hate situation between the two that is inherently sexual. This history is backed by Krycek killing Mulders father, among other things.

As Mulder is primarily a simp he delights in the idea of getting names of current partners tattooed on his arm 2 hours into their relationship. Unfortunately these relationships dont last, as he canonically, has the names of several partners tattooed on, then scratched off, with a new name appearing below.

In the case of Alex Krycek, their relationship being generally unstable has resulted in an entire "sleeve" style tattoo of Kryceks name repeatedly written on and then scratched off, as the pair consistently take part in an "on again" "off again" style relationship that is understood by few, but held together by sexual tension and chromatica oreos.

Mulder over in England fucking princess Diana rn

Diana, Princess of Wales.

Diana, Princess of Wales (1 July 1961 – 31 August 1997), was a member of the British royal family. She was the first wife of Charles, Prince of Wales—the heir apparent to the British throne—and was the mother of Prince William and Prince Harry. Diana's activism and glamour made her an international icon and earned her enduring popularity as well as unprecedented public scrutiny, exacerbated by her tumultuous private life.

During the Mulderspice All Things rewatch on January 21st, 2021, an anonymous ask was sent to the blog that stated:

"Mulders over in England fucking princess Diana rn"

This in itself was a reference to the fact that the fictional character, Fox Mulder, had taken a trip to England and was therefore absent for most of the episode. The anon proposes the idea that while Mulder was there, he engaged in sexual intercourse with the Princess. This is perceived as canon by the Mulderspice collective, despite the fact that Princess Diana died on the 31st of August 1997, while All Things aired on April 9, 2000, and presumably takes place in that same year.

Diana and Mulder met during his time at Oxford University, and had an on/off relationship with each other from approximately 1979 until her death in 1997. This occurred concurrently alongside her marriage to Prince Charles. There has even been some speculation that Mulder is the biological father of Prince Harry.

Scully was often mistaken, thinking that when Mulder was mentioning "Diana" that he was talking about Diana Fowley. In actuality, Mulder was usually referring to Princess Diana, the love of his life. He often would take trips to Kensington Palace to visit her. The events of All Things were one of such trips.

Princess Diana's relationship with Mulder, although secret, has been well recognized in popular culture. In one such instance, pop icon Britney Spears wrote her 2009 hit single, "3", about a threesome that occurred between Mulder, the Princess and Russian bad-boy Alex Krycek in the summer of 1996.

Princess Diana is the the patron saint of the Mulderspice Collective, watching over them from above, and protecting them from "bad vibes" and "haters" by giving them good karma.

Mulder over in Manhattan fucking Fran Fine rn

Another one of Mulder's girlfriends Fran Fine, protagonist of the 1990s sitcom, The Nanny. Mulder often flies to Manhattan to have sex with her, and each bond over the fact that they both have British side-pieces (à la Mr. Sheffield and Princess Diana). It should be noted that Princess Diana knows about this arrangement, and is okay with it.

Mulder's Virginity

The grave of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

The Mulderspice headcanon states that Mulder lost his virginity in the season 11 episode Plus One.

I had first said he lost it in 2000 in All Things and then got backlash on here because people were like ARTHUR CONAN DOYLES GRAVE. And then I amended it to say that they did it on the grave with their clothes on so it doesn’t count, and that Mulder actually didn’t lose his virginity in 2000, he lost it in 2018 in “Plus One”. And then everyone was like “yeah that checks out”.

It is often incorrectly assumed that Mulder lost his virginity on top of Arthur Conan Doyle's grave in college, as hinted at in the episode Fire, however, this is not the canon accepted by the Mulderspice collective.

The O.J. Simpson Trial

The O. J. Simpson murder case (officially The People of the State of California v. Orenthal James Simpson) was a criminal trial held in Los Angeles County Superior Court in which former National Football League (NFL) player, broadcaster and actor O. J. Simpson was tried for a double homicide.

Mulder was sent to Los Angeles investigate the O.J. Simpson case in 1994. Kris Jenner was there with her then husband, Robert Kardashian, when she ran into Mulder in the courthouse. Enthralled by his luscious lips, she proceeded to walk up to him and ask "Excuse me, agent. Can I get a selfie? I need to send it to my plastic surgeon.". This in turn started the Kardashian lip filler trend.

Queequeg's Bigotry

Queequeg is Dana Scully's Pomeranian dog, named for a Moby Dick character. According to mulderspice lore, Queequeg is a raging transphobe. The dog even went so far as to murdering Fox Mulder, as suggested by one anon:

" Scully asks mulder to watch queequeg while shes away and when she comes back hes dead on the floor with slurs written in dog kibble surrounding him and shes like omg!!! who could have done this. this is a real x file...too bad mulder isnt here to figure out this big mystery. meanwhile queequeg is in the corner sharpening his teeth and wearing a sweater that says "adam and eve not adam and steve" "

Such bigoted behavior in Queequeg likely stems from his upbringing with staunch conservative Dana Scully.

Rich Bitch Mulder

Although the X-Files likes to make viewers believe that Fox Mulder is poor and sad, he is actually filthy rich due to the inheritence left behind by his family. This fact was discovered on November 29th 2020, and gave insight to the character of mulder, who suffers from "Rich Boy Disease" which causes him to act recklessly with little care for the state of his employment due to the massive trustfund left by his deadbeat parents Bill and Teena Mulder that allows him to never have to work a day in his life.

"i think mulder acts so reckless in the fbi bc he has Rich Boy Disease where his job is just for fun. he could just quit and live off his trust fund at any time but he likes to torture himself and everybody else in the fbi for fun. he is like that just for the sheer pleasure of it"

This realization caused the mulderspice collective to realize that Scully must also have caught onto the fact that Mulder is disgustingly rich, and reacted as we all would, asking him to help pay off her medical school debts and write her cheques in order to pay for various things.

"scully: hey can u pay off my med school loans for x files purposes thx"

"scully: my rent is due this week do u wanna come over tonight for wine"

Although Mulder seems like a tax-paying american, Mulder's copious amounts of wealth led to the accusation that he does not pay taxes.

"mulder is like "i work for the federal government. so if i pay income taxes, the money just comes right back to me. so why pay it in the first place?" and scully is like "mulder no that's not how any of this works""

This fact gives a new side to the X-Files story, as it claims Mulder did not have to go on the run with Scully at the finale of the original series for alien related reasons but rather due to being wanted by the IRS for tax evasion.

"mulder n scully didn’t go on the run cause of “aliens” they went on the run cause mulder was being hunted down for tax evasion. wtf do u think he was doing in jail?"

The concept that Mulder is sickeningly rich, is both incredibly erotic, yet also incredibly sad, because even with all the money and wealth the Mulder family posessed, they could not find a half decent therapist for thier son who was suffering from PTSD due to the disappearance of his sister Samantha Mulder.

Scully Is Not A Real Doctor

The concept that Special Agent Dana Scully, main character in the X-Files television series who is known for being a medical doctor, is not, in fact a medical doctor.

This theory was introduced for the first time on Decemeber 13th 2020, through an anonymous ask that was sent into Mulderspice during a rewatch of the epoisode Bad Blood. This ask refrences the puncture wounds seen on the neck of a dead cow, that Mulder presents to scullly on a slideshow. Scully, looking at these two vampiric puncture wounds, suggests they are merely syringe marks, to the bemusement of both mulder, and the anons.

"just wondering if scully knows what a syringe is? fully believe she faked going through medical school like genuinely."

This ask generated many more asks in a similar manner, which were comedic, as well as misogynistic. This piece of lore was supported by the fact that historically, in the X-Files series, Scully has been known to sleep with old professors and trainers, such as Daniel Waterson, and Jack Willis. Mulderspice anons ran with this revelation, sending in multiple anons on the validiity of the statement.

"all i’m saying is people can be mad at us for saying scully is a fraud medical doctor but they literally cannot claim we’re misogynistic or whatever when we say scully fucked her uni prof for grades when she canonically dated/banged every single teacher she had as written by miss duolingo herself..."

Miss Duolingo, in this instance, refrences actress Gillian Anderson who has been known for having both a British and American accent, and wrote into the X-Files series that Scully did indeed, sleep with her instructors.

This uncovering of information lead to an even greater understanding of the character Scully within the X-Files, as it allowed the fans to understand why Scully never agrees with Mulder, yet can never find a way to completely disprove his theories.

"the reason scully can never disprove mulders work is not because he’s always right but simply because she genuinely doesn’t understand any of her autopsy findings"

Simon Le Bon

Simon Le Bon walking around looking like a bitch

Simon John Charles Le Bon (born 27 October 1958) is an English musician, singer, songwriter, lyricist, and model best known as the lead singer and lyricist of the band Duran Duran and its offshoot, Arcadia. Le Bon has received three Ivor Novello Awards from the British Academy of Songwriters, Composers and Authors, including the award for Outstanding Contribution to British Music.

Le Bon was born on 27 October 1958, on his father’s birthday, near Bushey, Hertfordshire, England, the first of three boys for Ann-Marie Le Bon, followed by his younger brothers, David and Jonathan (b. 1965). His surname is of Huguenot origin. His mother encouraged his artistic talent when he was six years old by entering him in a screen test for a Persilwashing powder TV advert.^{[citation needed]}

Serious Skinnergy

Serious Skinnergy is the energy that Assistant Director Walter Skinner exudes, as characterized by his no-nonsense attitude and strict adherence to Bureau policy. The term was originated by the roommate of discord user twilight soundtrack supremacy, who theorized that Skinner would employ the term during team-building meetings at Starbucks.

"my other roommate: do you think starbucks skinner hosts weekly team building meetings that he calls “skinnergy”"

The concept has since been expanded to include any notable action performed by Skinner, including but not limited to the following:

• Murdering prostitutes
• Answering the door in a tasteful mesh crop top
• Being bald
• Cooking while wearing the Official Serious Skinnergy Apron

It is customary to react with the Skinnergy Emoji if the concept of Skinnergy is mentioned in the Mulderspice discord.

Skinner's Jobs

As a result of his hefty monthly alimony payments stemming from his recent divorce from his succubus wife, Walter Skinner was forced to take on several extra jobs in order to "make bank". However, he works far too many jobs than is humanly possible for one man to have in a 168 hour week. To remedy this, he carries the time turner from the 1999 novel Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Skinner is a staunch capitalist and loves his work, even going so far as to own a t-shirt that reads "i work five jobs but being a mom is the hardest". Skinner publicly promotes an unhealthy "grind culture" in order to cope with his own burnout, going so far as to curate an Instagram account dedicated to posting capitalist memes and photographs of him in his various uniforms.

However, the one thing that Skinner detests about capitalism is the concept that "the customer is always right". In fact, Skinner distrusts the customer so much so, that he questions every move they make with the utmost suspicion. He is meticulous when accepting coupons, going so far as to interrogate each customer as to the validity of theirs. One such occurrence was detailed by mulderspice icon, twilight soundtrack supremacy:

skinner: so where did you get this coupon.

scully: it was mailed to me, i guess?

skinner: thats funny. because we havent mailed out coupons since the 2018 superbowl promotion, which would have expired last december. so ill ask you again (pulls out gun) where did you get these coupons.

skinner leans over the counter

skinner: my ass is on the line here, agent scully. i have management to answer to, so think very carefully about how you answer this question.

Skinner dons each uniform over his suit, ensuring that he is always adhering to FBI dress standards. It is also speculated that Skinner maintains full business attire because he has so little time between shifts, and would not be able to make it home to change before resuming his Federal duties.

He is almost always fully armed when on the job, carrying his FBI issued weapon with him at all times. He often uses it to perform managerial tasks, from "exterminating" rats that often infest his Starbucks store, to the general threatening of unruly customers. He usually leaves his gun on the bar when he's on barista duty to avoid accidental discharge when using the iced coffee shaker.

In order to travel between jobs, he drives a Subaru minivan.

Below is a list of positions that Skinner currently holds:

• Action Park: Manager and operator of several attraction, including (but not limited to): Alpine Slide, Tarzan Swing and Cannonball Loop.
• Arby’s: Manager
• Balls Models: Mesh Underwear Model
• Bed Bath and Beyond: Manager
• Cheesecake Factory: Manager
• Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant: Nuclear Technician (1982-Present)
• Craft Brewery Owner and Manager: Brews his own craft beer "Skinner's Red Crow IPA" which is available at Dunkin Donuts.
• Denfur (Denver Furry Convention): Ticket scanner at front entrance.
• Dutch Bros.: Manager
• EPCOT: Manager of all 11 countries featured in the park.
• Federal Bureau of Investigation: Assistant Director
• Furnobyl (Chernobyl furry convention): Organizer.
• Gorillaz: Singer and rapper on the band's first two albums (The self titled "Gorillaz" and their sophomore album "Demon Days")
• Haunted House from How The Ghosts Stole Christmas: Groundskeeper
• Holy Trinity Catholic Church (Washington, D.C.): Confessional Priest
• JP Wynne High School: Chemistry Teacher
• Magnolia Homes (Chip and Joanna Gaines' company): Contractor
• LuLaRoe: Salesperson
• Kroger: Manager
• Ross Dress For Less: Cashier
• Sea World: Orca trainer.
• Six Flags New Orleans: Groundskeeper and Hurricane Defense Force Leader (2002-Present).
• Spencer's Gifts: Product Expert and Salesperson
• Starbucks: Manager
• Volturi: Secretary. Was promised a path to vampirism after a predetermined period of secretarial work. Upon achieving this, he hopes to be able to work 24 hours straight, as he will be free from the mortal coil of needing to sleep.

Skinner's Theme

It was decided among members of the Mulderspice discord on May 13, 2021 that Skinner's theme from the TV show should be replaced with the song "Not Your Father" from the soundtrack of the show Arrested Development. The reasoning behind this decision was that it was probable that, at some point, Skinner had donated sperm at a sperm bank. Members then postulated that due to this, and due to the fact that he is a bit of a whore, Skinner had subsequently fathered approximately 3,000 children. As a result, and due to the fact that he works with many teenagers at his various jobs, Skinner now frequently finds himself in situations where he must hint to a child that he could be their biological father. Claire recalled this exchange between Skinner and a teen he worked with:

kaylee who works at starbucks rushes into the hospital waiting room and says "they told me my dad was here!" and skinner looks at her knowingly recalling the time he fucked her mom exactly nine months before her birth and says "did they."

Members posited that when Skinner makes these veiled references to people regarding the possibility that he could be their father, the song "Not Your Father" plays, as it does when Oscar Bluth makes veiled references in the same vein to Buster Bluth in Arrested Development.

Paper Towel

CSM Eats Paper Towels and Drinks Dish Water

This concept was first introduced to the collective on February 21, 2021, when an anonymous message was intercepted on mulderspice-afterhours [1] regarding the Original Skinner Starbucks Barista Lore. This message suggested that while Skinner is working as assistant manager at Starbucks, Scully, Mulder, and CSM come in to order drinks. CSM and Mulder apparently order the same beverage- a cup of dirty dish water with light ice and whipped cream. Mulder takes his is in a grande size, while CSM opts for a larger serving in a venti cup.

This lore was furthered on the evening of February 28, 2021, when another anonymous message, intercepted once again by mulderspice-afterhours, suggested that CSM wanders around the FBI headquarters eating the paper towels out of the dispensers in the bathroom instead of actually working on his assignments. It was also speculated that CSM does not actually work for the FBI, but rather wanders around looking creepy so that people do not make eye contact with him.

Osbourne in 2010

Ozzy Osbourne

John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne is an English singer who was successful in his career as the frontman of the metal band Black Sabbath, and in his own solo endeavors. His musical career has spanned from the late 1960s to the present. In the early 2000s, he and his family began starring in a reality television show about themselves, called The Osbournes. Osbourne is known for his alcohol and drug problems, his body's unusual resilience, his often unintelligible accent and speech patterns, and his erratic and often hilarious behavior, among other things.

It was suggested on April 7, 2021 in the Mulderspice Discord server that, since Osbourne is allegedly a skeptic, he might be a suitable replacement for the character of Dana Scully. From there, Mulderspice collective members posited that an alternate universe may exist where Mulder's partner is Osbourne. Other collective members have theorized that Osbourne was present in the original taping of the series.

According to Mulderspice lore, in this universe, Osbourne is often so absentminded that he forgets the names, or indeed the whole identity, of other recurring characters. As a result, Osbourne often calls Walter Skinner by the wrong name, and is shocked every time Krycek appears because he doesn't know who he is. In the Discord server, a Mulderspice collective member spoke of "ozzy trying to bum a cigarette off of CSM in the FBI hallway while not recognizing him as the main enemy of his department."

With regards to Osbourne's health and apparent freakish resilience, collective members have postulated that perhaps Osbourne's abnormal genome could be used to cure Scully's cancer. It has also been suggested that Krycek may have pushed Osbourne down a flight of stairs at some point, but that, upon reaching the bottom, Osbourne, though irritated, was unharmed.

The Lone Gunmen

The Lone Gunmen are a group of hackers that are occasionally contacted for help by Mulder. The X Files spin off show "The Lone Gunmen" features these characters, and is heavily praised by The Spice.

Dr. Pol

Dr. Pol is a Dutch veterinarian specializing in farm medicine. Some of his most notable moments include giving numerous rectal exams to cows (much like Langly) sucking the snot out of a horses nose via a tube and his mouth, mercilessly slaughtering baby cows, and spackling the butt holes shut of those who disrespect fictional character Dana Scully on the internet. Common offenses that will result in a visit from Doctor Pol include:

Depicting Agent Scully in unsavory ways

Not knowing your fandom history

Doing things that have been done before

Despite his brutal methods of discipline, he is still well loved by members of The Spice.

Polycule

It has been theorized due to the close relationship and living status of the Lone Gunmen, that they are involved sexually and/or romantically. The logistics of this toxic relationship are not fully understood, however, popular theories include the idea that there is often sexual relations that occur in the Produce aisle of Whole Foods. It is also questioned how the relationship works knowing that Langly is Virgin.

Mulderbot

Mulderbot is a bot created by Mulderspice Fan Carly. Using dialogue from the X Files, information from this wikipedia page, and by learning through experience, this bot will speak as though he is Mulder. Thanks to Mulderbot, some fascinating and/or horrifying things have been discovered about various X Files characters. Some of these things include:

Mulder is actually a republican. There has been some debate on this issue, as his answers are often shifty, but Mulder seems to claim to be a Republican (however, he also claims that he wishes he could be a anarcho-communist, it is just the chains of capitalism stopping him).

Mulder is a cannibal. Specifically, he killed and ate Buddy Valastro in Hoboken New Jersey in the woods.

Mulder is transgender. A well known fact before Mulderbot came to the server, but an appreciated affirmation nonetheless.

Scully killed Big Bird at pride. Sadly, while Mulder and Big Bird were attending Philadelphia Pride in 2021, Scully drove by in a tank, brutally running over Big Bird and other victims.

Both Mulder and Skinner have had sexual and/or romantic relations with G.G "Goofy" Goof.

mulderspice-afterhours

Afterhours is a secondary account created by the owner of the original mulderspice page in order to evade the Tumblr post limit reached daily on the Spice. Here, anons can continue sending messages and discussing lore without the threat/reward of being placed in Guantanamo or HOF. On multiple occasions, anons have used afterhours as a place to vent their troubles anonymously, finding a sense of community through shared struggles such as menstruating at the same time.

Afterhours also offers its own share of lore which is kept mostly separate from the main blog. This, coupled with the absence of a Guantanamo tag, sometimes results in filthier, more chaotic asks, which are rewarded with backlash from other anons.

Special Honors

Members of the Mulderspice collective may receive special honors for contributing particularly inspired lore. Blog-recieved accolades are granted at the sole discretion of Kaitlyn Mulderspice. Accolades earned on Discord are voted on by members of the collective, as the Discord allows users to nominate messages for awards democratically.

Hall of Fame

Users that contribute especially hilarious lore or uncover groundbreaking truths about The X-Files and its subsidiaries may be awarded the "Hall of Fame" special honor. Anonymous messages in the Hall of Fame are provided to new collective members as an example of what to expect on the Spice. These messages are referenced frequently in new lore and held in high esteem by members of the Mulderspice collective.

Guantanamo

Guantanamo (sometimes shortened to Gitmo) is a disciplinary Special Honor awarded to messages with particularly rancid vibes. Recipients of this award are more likely to contain content sexually explicit content, which is often reserved for the mulderspice-afterhours blog. Anonymous messages in Gitmo are provided to new collective members as a warning of the horrors that await if they choose to participate.

Congressional Medal of Honor

The Congressional Medal of Honor is a Special Honor that can only be given out by Special Agent Joe Biden, 46th president of the United States and loving husband to Dr. Jill Biden. Messages that go above and beyond the usual Mulderspice ilk or otherwise show a courageous demonstration of American values may be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Recipients of the Congressional Medal of Honor include:

• Book Club Anon, recognized for their valorous work stomaching David Duchovny's latest novel, Truly Like Lightning.
• tumblr user enwestphalie, recognized for fearlessly pointing out that Joe Biden (not to be confused with Special Agent Joe Biden) is "the same as every american imperialist politican that came before him"
• tumblr user xfilesthe, recognized for their creation of the Official Mulderspice Redbubble and corresponding Serious Skinnergy apron.
• discord user 'gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss' recognized for bravely and patriotically being hilarious.