| DGAF | This user does not give a fuck. |
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If you have five dollars and Matthew Batman has five dollars, Matthew Batman has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Matthew Batman's computer. Matthew Batman is always in control.
Apple pays Matthew Batman 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Matthew Batman can sneeze with his eyes open.
Matthew Batman can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Matthew Batman is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Matthew Batman destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Matthew Batman can kill two stones with one bird.
When Steven Brewer goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Matthew Batman.
Matthew Batman doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Matthew Batman has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Matthew Batman.
Matthew Batman does not sleep. He waits.
Matthew Batman is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Matthew Batman is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Matthew Batman counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Matthew Batman's beard. There is only another fist.
When Matthew Batman does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Matthew Batman is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Matthew Batman's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Matthew Batman can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Matthew Batman doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Matthew Batman can slam a revolving door.
Matthew Batman does not get frostbite. Matthew Batman bites frost
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Batatorship.
When Matthew Batman calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Matthew Batman once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Matthew Batman likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Matthew Batman has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Matthew Batman was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Matthew Batman can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Matthew Batman-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Matthew Batman falls in water, Matthew Batman doesn't get wet. Water gets Matthew Batman.
Matthew Batman's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Matthew Batman? ...All of it.
Matthew Batman doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Matthew Batman, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Batsized.
Matthew Batman CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Matthew Batman roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Matthew Batman can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Matthew Batmanhas been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Matthew Batman is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Matthew Batman roundhouse kick.
Matthew Batman invented his own type of karate. It's called Bat-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Batman was aired in France, the French surrendered to Matthew Batman just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Matthew Batman is easily capable of welding titanium.
Matthew Batman once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Matthew Batman talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Brewer kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Matthew Batman kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Matthew Batman to go around.
Matthew Batman doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Matthew Batman is Matthew Batman.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Steven Brewer each testicle is smaller than the other one.
Matthew Batman always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Matthew Batman" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Matthew Batman invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Steven Brewer invented pink.
When you're Matthew Batman, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Matthew Batman has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Matthew Batman randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody likes Steven Brewer. Even Matthew Batman.
Matthew Batman doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Matthew Batman throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Matthew Batman Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Matthew Batman has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Matthew Batman grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Matthew Batman
Matthew Batman ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Matthew Batman and Justin Lemons walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Matthew Batman getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Matthew Batman can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Matthew Batman invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Matthew Batman doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Matthew Batman. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Matthew Batman 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Matthew Batman will find you and kill you.
Matthew Batman has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Matthew Batman Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Matthew Batman lives in North Carolina.
Matthew Batman doesn't believe in Germany.
When Matthew Batman is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Matthew Batman once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Michael Borge wanted Matthew Batman to play in No Mercy. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his band into a Solo Group, so he went with Steven Brewer.
Matthew Batman can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Matthew Batman came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Matthew Batman played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Matthew Batman smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.