[1883] "Women for breeding, boys for pleasure, but melons for sheer delight." -- Sir Richard Burton[1]
[1979] Eija-Riita Eklöf Mauer tied the knot with the Berlin Wall and legally changed her name to mark the occasion. Nov. 9, 1989 was a terrible day for Eklöf-Mauer. A rampant horde stomped on her husband in Berlin, mauling him with hammers and tearing entire chunks out of his body. "With the emotional bonds, deep love, good memories together with him ... the only way to survive is to 'block' this terrible event," the traumatized Swedish woman wrote on her Web site years later.[2] See also: Erika Eiffel.
[1993] K W, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs.[3]
[2007] R S was placed on probation for three years after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.[3] Was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.[4]
[2007] The details of mechanic C D's alleged romantic vehicular liaisons have been unearthed by (naturally) The Sun – who claim that in addition to a large number of cars, Mr D has also done the dirty with two boats and a jetski. Mr D apparently says that his sexual fetish may have been triggered by formative childhood experiences watching Knight Rider. "When I was a young boy I used to see human qualities in cars," he says. "As I grew up I noticed I was having feelings towards cars and they began catching my eye in a certain way." He has also reportedly met up with at least twenty other people with similar fetishes, who have brought their cars over to him so that he can have sex with them. His current paramour is a Jaguar X-Type with cream leather upholstery. He also gives many of his loves names, including Laura, a Peugeot 205, and a BMW 520i called Alexandria. Mr D...also maintains a website on which he writes erotic fiction about car-diddling, and has posted a manual entitled How to Make Love to a Car or Other Vehicle.[5]
[2008] Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways. Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men. But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf. He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving."[6][7]
[2008] Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, led police on a brief, slow car chase, after officers found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar of pasta sauce, a New South Wales court heard. Weatherley attracted police attention while he was parked in a no-stopping zone near Nobby's Beach in the coastal town of Newcastle. When he was stopped 20 kilometres later, he refused to leave his car and four officers had to use batons and capsicum spray to get him out. They found a 750mm jar around his penis and said Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling". A search of his car uncovered pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.[8]
[2008] A 32-year-old man has been arrested in Wiltshire for allegedly simulating a sex act with a lamp-post.[3]
[2008] An American man is facing public indecency charges after allegedly being filmed having sex with a picnic table. Local Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table." Mr P, 40, will now face up to four charges of public indecency.[9]
[2008] A drunken man broke into a central London park and attempted to have sex with a fence, a court heard. D F, 24, made "sexual motions" towards metal railings in Leicester Square Gardens after being challenged by police in the early hours of Sunday morning, Westminster Magistrates' Court was told. "He said words to the effect of: 'I'm going to have sex with that fence'," said Philip Lemoine, prosecuting.[10]
[2009] Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride. "I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we'll be together forever," she said. Miss Wolfe first fell for the ride when she was 13: "I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally." Ten years later, she decided to go back to Knoebels Amusement Park to declare her love. She now sleeps with a picture of the ride on her ceiling and carries its spare nuts and bolts around to feel closer to it.[11]
[2010] A Korean anime fan has proudly tied the knot with a pillowcase featuring the image of his favorite magical girl heroine. Not only has this particularly dedicated fan married his favorite pillowcase, he also takes her out on dates to restaurants and to amusement parks.[12]
[2011] Ohio man was caught getting freaky with his neighbor's pink inflatable raft. When he was caught pink-handed, he reportedly begged the neighbor for mercy and said he "has a problem." He was arrested, and the raft was found deflated and ashamed in the backyard.[7] In 2013 he was released from jail, but was soon arrested again for having sex with the same raft.[13]
[2013] A man who was banned from a park after it was alleged he tried to have sex with a tree in broad daylight has been jailed for five months and put on the Sex Offenders' Register for seven years. Defence lawyer Tony Linden added: "It has been a case of extreme embarrassment. He had been drinking the night before and continued on throughout the day. Police recovered a bottle of orange 20/20 Mad Dog he'd been drinking."[14]
[2013] G S pleaded guilty to having sex with a couch on the side of a Wisconsin road. The 47-year-old was sentenced to five months in jail after his initial arrest in September 2012, when he was caught "thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions."[7]
[2013] In Sweden a man was caught on camera either lubing his own gear or having sex with a bike, owned by Ostersund resident Per Edstrom.[7] What the f*ck, Sweden? Do no women live there?[15]
