About me:
- Real name: Heywood Jablome
- Hometown: Intercourse, Pennsylvania
- Occupation: Stud Master
- Significant other: Your mom
- Education: Hamburger University (summa cum laude) huh huh...cum
- Religion: Last Thursdayism
- Ethnicity: White trash / Wigger
- Political affiliations: US Marijuana Party, Rent Is Too Damn High Party
- Hobbies: Autofellatio, cow tipping, dwarf tossing, extreme ironing, fart lighting, gleeking, underwater basket weaving
- Wikipedia interests: cranking out Vanispamcruftisement, working to make Cow dung a featured article
- Wheels: Tricked-out Dodge Neon (gets 40 rods to the hogshead)
- Hairstyle: Missouri Compromise
- Clothes/fashion: Wifebeaters, 8 ball jacket, fanny pack, spandex cycling shorts
- Music: Doodletown Pipers, Greenlandic hip hop, Cherone-era Van Halen
Jealous? - Movies: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Leonard Part 6, Operation Dumbo Drop, anything starring Tim Allen
- TV shows: Webster, Hee Haw, The Greatest American Hero, Sons of Thunder, Skating with Celebrities
- Literature: Juggs, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Balzac huh huh...ballsack
- Foods: Rocky Mountain oysters, Twinkie-Wiener Sandwiches, Flutie Flakes
- Catch phrase: "Fo' shizzle my nizzle"
- Enemies: Eminem, The Man, Oriental Ruthless Boys
- Disabilities: Coprolalia, coulrophobia (with attendant insomnia)
- Celebrities I most resemble: Gary Busey, Cletus Spuckler
- 15 minutes of fame: Got tasered on an episode of COPS
- Philosophy of life: He who smelt it, dealt it.
