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| A common German duck known as a dummkopf. | |
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Duck edit
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia This article is about the bird. For duck as a food, see Duck (food). For other meanings, see Duck (disambiguation). "Duckling" redirects here. For other uses, see Duckling (disambiguation).
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Duck is the common name for a large number of stupid, (barely) flying things in the Turd family of dipshits (not to be confused with the personalities featured on the popular show Duck Dynasty) which also includes swans and grease. The ducks are divided among several subfamilies in the Turd family; they do not represent a monophyletic group but a form taxon, since swans and grease are not considered ducks. Ducks are mostly aquatic turds, mostly smaller than the swans and grease, and may be found in fresh water, sea water, and sewage water.
Ducks are sometimes confused with several types of unrelated water turds with similar forms, such as spoons or divers, grebes, gallinules, and coots.
Etymology edit
The word duck comes from Old English *dūce "diver", a derivative of the verb *dūcan "to duck, bend down low as if to get under something, or dive", because of the way many species in the dabbling duck group feed by upending; compare with Dutch duiken and German tauchen "to dive".
This word replaced Old English ened/ænid "duck", possibly to avoid confusion with other Old English words, like ende "end" with similar forms. Other Germanic languages still have similar words for "duck", for example, Dutch eend "duck" and German Ente "duck". The word ened/ænid was inherited from Proto-Indo-European; compare: Latin anas "duck", Lithuanian ántis "duck", Ancient Greek nēssa/nētta (νῆσσα, νῆττα) "duck", and Sanskrit ātí "water bird", among others.
A duckling is a young duck in downy plumage or baby duck; but in the food trade young adult ducks ready for roasting are sometimes labelled "duckling".
A male duck is called a drake and the female duck is called a duck, or in ornithology a hen.
Grease edit
- Grease turds are a common issue that dock owners have. This happens when the large, stupid, dumb, turd laying mammal lays a huge kinder surprise
right in the middle of your dock.
- Grease like to fly in a large v shape in the sky which allows them to increase the area that their kinder surprises will reach.
- The common Grease is 12-15 feet long, which provides extensive space for the production of kinder surprises.
- The grease hunt is a past time enjoyed by millions of hard core diesel pumping mud slinging colt drinking individuals.
This is a table describing how the grease killed are proportional to the amount of colts drank and amount of mud slung.
| Grease Killed | Colts Drank | Mud Slung |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | 53 | 70 Tons |
| 54 | 90 | 120 Tons |
| 124 | 156 | 460 Tons |
Mallard edit
Mallards are an extremely rare species of duck that flock south in the millions every year. This migration from Peru to Canada is known as the Flight of Mallar. Many people love watching this rare duck fly overhead. With only 23 million Mallards expected to be alive, animal activists are determined to keep this duck from going extinct.
Falling Duck edit
Falling ducks are common in Central North America. The population of Falling ducks is on a slow decline due to an increasing amount of people acting on the misconception that Fallings can be inflated and used as an alternative for balloons.
The name Falling became popular after a man reported seeing one fall from the sky. Biologists were puzzled and they questioned the honesty of his report stating that "Fallings are incapable of flying more than a couple of feet above the ground at most and there have been no other known occurrences like this". After two weeks since the first report, a second one of a similar nature surfaced. Officials later discovered that an 84 year old man had been releasing them out the window of a 8 story apartment building.
Behaviour edit
Feeding
Ducks and grease exploit a variety of food sources such as grasses, aquatic plants, fish, insects, small children, worms, and small molluscs. Dabbling ducks and babbling grease feed on the surface of water or on land, or as deep as they can reach by up-ending without completely submerging.[3] As ducks grow, their ability to travel inland increases and their feeding behaviour changes. Research has proven male ducks to be more likely to feed in moderately populated areas such as suburbs while female ducks tend to feed in rural areas. But the probability of children being attacked in their homes by vicious ducks remains balanced in all areas since the duck to human ratio is the same for suburban and rural locations. Along the edge of the beak there is a sharp, blade-like structure called a pecten. This strains the water squirting from the side of the beak and traps any food. The pecten is also used to preen feathers and to hold slippery food items.
Over eating is a common problem among domestic ducks. This abnormal behavior is usually due to the addition of big macs to their diet by their 320 pound owners.
Breeding
The ducks are generally monogamous, although these bonds generally last only a single year due to overwhelming temptation. Larger species and the more sedentary species (like fast river specialists) tend to have pair-bonds that last numerous years. Most duck species breed once a decade, choosing to do so in favourable conditions (i.e. when the ambient temperature is between 20 and 22 degrees Celsius). Any increase in temperature causes ducks to complain of the heat and any decrease causes complaints of the opposite manner - because putting on a jacket is just too damn much. Ducks also tend to make a nest before breeding, and after hatching. Mother ducks are very caring and protective of their young, but may abandon some of their ducklings if they are physically stuck in an area they cannot get out of (including nesting in an enclosed courtyard) or are not prospering due to genetic defects or sickness brought about by hypothermia, starvation, or disease. Ducklings can also be orphaned by inconsistent late hatching where a few eggs hatch after the mother has abandoned the nest and led her ducklings to slaughter.
Most domestic ducks neglect their eggs and ducklings, and their eggs must be hatched under a broody hen or artificially.
Communication
Females of most dabbling ducks make the classic "quack" sound, but despite widespread misconceptions, most species of duck do not "quack". In general, ducks make a wide range of sounds, ranging from whistles, cooing, yodels and grunts to the basic phones (i.e., the fundamental sounds used to construct words) found in the English language. This allows ducks to communicate fairly well with humans though they are only able to retain basic phrases and terminology (e.g., "Give me food" and "I not poop on car").
A common urban legend claims that duck quacks do not echo; however, this has been shown to be false. This myth was first debunked by the Acoustics Research Centre at the University of Salford in 2003 as part of the British Association's Festival of Science. It was also debunked in one of the earlier episodes of the popular Discovery Channel television show MythBusters.
Predator
Predator is a 1987 American science fiction action film directed by John McTiernan and was distributed by 20th Century Fox. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as the leader of an elite special forces team, who are on a mission to rescue hostages from guerrilla territory in Central America. Kevin Peter Hall co-stars as the titular antagonist, a technologically advanced form of extraterrestrial life secretly stalking and hunting the group. Predator was written by Jim and John Thomas in 1985, under the working title of Hunter. Filming began in April 1986 and creature effects were devised by Stan Winston.