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A Brief Treatise On Why Tax Evasion Should Be Punishable By Death

A rusty thumbscrew, used for extracting confessions of tax evasion by Saint Ebenezer Scrooge

Taxes are holy systems created by our Lord and Holy Savior, Saint Scrooge the Rich, the first tax collecting saint of the Church of Perpetual Poverty. Tax evasion is a sin unto Saint Scrooge (the Rich), and should be punishable with death via drowning in burning alcohol. This crime is too horrific for most people to even think about, a crime too brutal, cold, and psychopathic to be compared with any other crime. It should be punished by a death most brutal and cruel. The citizens of the Church of Perpetual Poverty are unanimously agree. Tax evasion is a crime equal or greater to treason, but receives barely any punishment.

When thumbscrews failed to work, Saint Ebenezer Scrooge was forced to resort to less tasteful methods of extracting a confession

History of Killing Tax Evading Criminal Masterminds

Since the late 1860s (around 1867 and the invention of trees), the British government has worked tirelessly to prevent the rightful and justified wholesale slaughter of all tax evaders by the hands of the true church, the Church of Perpetual Poverty. The British secret services, known commonly as the Mole-People, have protected tax evaders and viciously prevented our holy Church of Perpetual Poverty from enacting their God-given right to eradicate tax evaders from our holy country, the United States of America.