Wikipedia

Template:Did you know nominations/Yokneam Moshava

< Template:Did you know nominations
The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by — Maile (talk) 21:46, 4 October 2016 (UTC)

DYK toolbox

Yokneam Moshava edit

(
)
  • Comment: I've chosen this fact, because it has an English source while for the rest of the article I only found Hebrew sources.

5x expanded by Bolter21 (talk). Self-nominated at 15:05, 6 August 2016 (UTC).

  • @Bolter21: New enough, long enough, article seems neutral to me. You need a few things first, though: QPQ is required, and there's no citation on the matching sentence in the article ("The ma'abara turned into a town..."). I'm also going to suggest an ALT1 that flows a bit better: Raymie (t • c) 22:08, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
First of all, I like that ALT and I made a small research. So the local council existed since 1950 at the earliest (accroding to the only English source) and at some point, the local council, including both places, had 4,000 residents (which brought me to the conclusion it turned into a town, which apparently was not supported by sources, although probably happened) and in 1967 the moshava left the local council. So if I remove the "turned into a town", it would make sense.--Bolter21 (talk to me) 23:02, 13 August 2016 (UTC)
My issue was simply that there's not an inline citation in that sentence, that's all. Raymie (t • c) 04:29, 14 August 2016 (UTC)
  • I"ve now recieved a message on my talkpage that there are issues in the nomination.--Bolter21 (talk to me) 16:41, 28 August 2016 (UTC)
@Yoninah: Having considered reviewing this article, I feel this nomination could really do with your expertise (if I understand your area of expertise correctly). It could also do with some copyediting. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 05:24, 6 September 2016 (UTC)
  • Hi, @Bolter21:, I did a preliminary edit. But I'm finding the grammar hard to understand, and more copyediting is needed. Why are you calling it "lands"? In English we call a tract "land".
  • The Yokneam Website and the Haaretz article both say the moshava was founded in 1935. This fact should appear clearly in the lead.
  • The section "Acquiring the lands" goes around in circles. If the Lebanese families owned the land, what were the Arab villages doing there? Maybe you should write the facts in chronological order so the reader can follow the history. The same goes for the section "Early years". Please break this section into smaller paragraphs and talk about each topic (Jews arriving, problems with authorities, Beduin sharecroppers refusing to leave) separately and in logical order.
  • In the section "After the establishment of Israel", several points are unclear. Levinger was the head of what, the local council or the ma'abara? It's unclear what was split into what in the third sentence.
  • I understand this is a start-class article, and not as developed as the Yokneam article. But I think you should describe the resident profile – is it an all-Jewish settlement, or do Arabs also live there?
  • IMO neither hook is hooky or interesting to foreign readers. You could inject a little more juice into it this way:
  • ALT2: ... that in 2013 the mayor of Yokneam Illit called for the rural village of Yokneam Moshava to be annexed to his city because it was blocking the city's ability to expand? Yoninah (talk) 19:34, 7 September 2016 (UTC)
  • In Hebrew we refer to the land in the plural form adamot when refering to land as a property and not just "land", anyway I"ll remember now that when I translate "lands" to English I"ll remove the s.
  • The date of establishment is located in the first line of the "first years" section as well as in the infobox. In localities of Israel we usually don't write the date of establishment in the lead. Are you sure it is necessary?
  • The Lebanese families lived in Lebanon, but they owned the lands as well as many other lands in Palestine. Inside those lands there were usually sharecroppers who paid taxes to the land owners. I"ll split the sections now or tommorow.
  • Levinger was originally the head of the moshava. After the establishment of Israel the ma'abara was created and a local council (which is a status given only by the ministry of interior) was created. The local council included both the mosava and the ma'abara (probably so the moshava will take care of the ma'abara) and Levinger who was already the unofficial head of the moshava was appointed as head of the new local council. (If it helps understand, a local council sometimes cover several localities and in this matter, the moshava and ma'abara acted like two neighborhoods under a single municipality whose head was Levinger). I couldn't phrase the split well, there was the local council which included the moshava and ma'abara and in 1967 the ma'abara became a single municipality and the moshava joined another municipality (Megiddo Regional Council) Maybe you can phrase it better?
  • Well, in Israel there are "Jewish localities" and "Arab localities" while there are around 10 cities with mixed populations and there are no small mixed villages (with the exception of Neve Shalom). My point is that all of the Jewish localities articles do not spesify that all of the residents are Jewish because there are almost no mixed localities in Israel.
  • I like that hook, no problem with it.--Bolter21 (talk to me) 21:50, 7 September 2016 (UTC)
  • @Bolter21: thank you for the work you did on the article. It reads much better now. Could you just add at least one citation to the first paragraph under "Acquiring the land" per Rule D2? Thanks, Yoninah (talk) 21:29, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
  •  Done--Bolter21 (talk to me) 21:35, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
Thank you. Since I wrote ALT2, calling on another reviewer to review it. @Raymie:? Yoninah (talk) 22:20, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
  • This article is a five-fold expansion; it is long enough and was new enough when nominated. ALT2 is interesting and acceptable and has an inline citation. The article is neutral, and the Hebrew sources prevent me from considering whether there are any copyright issues. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 05:41, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
Are we good to go?--Bolter21 (talk to me) 12:07, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
@Bolter21: Yes. Now we'll wait for someone to promote it to the queue. Yoninah (talk) 19:38, 1 October 2016 (UTC)
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Template:Did_you_know_nominations/Yokneam_Moshava&oldid=742637055"