Template:Did you know nominations/Garuda di Dadaku
- The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Carabinieri (talk) 17:47, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
Garuda di Dadaku edit
... that in Ifa Isfansyah's debut film Garuda on My Chest, he realised that the film belonged to children?
- ALT1:... that Ifa Isfansyah's debut film Garuda on My Chest, described as "a dreary soap opera that doesn't belong on the big screen", was seen by over 1.2 million people?
- Reviewed: Cat Daddy
Created/expanded by Crisco 1492 (talk). Self nom at 01:56, 16 May 2012 (UTC)
Passes size and date check ok, no plagiarism concerns from English sources (AGF for foreign language sources), both hooks interesting and suitable length, well written and referenced - good to go.Richerman (talk) 22:27, 17 May 2012 (UTC)- Thanks for the review! — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:28, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
- ALT2 You're welcome. Can I suggest that the first hook should read ...that whilst making his debut film Garuda on My Chest, director, Ifa Isfansyah realised that the film belonged to children?
- Sounds good. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:47, 17 May 2012 (UTC)
With all due respect, I think ALT2, like the original hook, does not accurately reflect what Isfansyah is quoted as saying in the article. It's not that the "film belonged to children" as in children in general, but it belonged to the child actors in the film: that when allowed to act naturally, rather than being constricted by his direction, the results they produced were better.
- Also, while I know we don't have to reflect the balance found in the article in the hook, which uses the worst review as its middle clause, ALT1 doesn't give quite enough context. 1.2 million isn't a lot here in the US, but I gather it's rather better for Indonesia, so the balance of high attendance vs. bad review doesn't resonate as well to readers where it sounds like the movie had bad reviews and modest attendance. So, suggested variants for the two are:
- ALT3: ... that Ifa Isfansyah's debut film Garuda on My Chest was described by one reviewer as "a dreary soap opera that doesn't belong on the big screen", but compared by another to Bend It Like Beckham?
- ALT4: ... that director Ifa Isfansyah concluded while shooting his debut film Garuda on My Chest that it belonged to the child actors making it?
- The wording for ALT4 might need a bit more work. BlueMoonset (talk) 00:20, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
- Indonesia has maybe one or two locally-produced films annually that pass the one million mark, so yes, quite good. ALT5 ... that director Ifa Isfansyah concluded his debut film Garuda on My Chest belonged to its child actors?
- ALT5 is shorter — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:44, 18 May 2012 (UTC)
- Also, while I know we don't have to reflect the balance found in the article in the hook, which uses the worst review as its middle clause, ALT1 doesn't give quite enough context. 1.2 million isn't a lot here in the US, but I gather it's rather better for Indonesia, so the balance of high attendance vs. bad review doesn't resonate as well to readers where it sounds like the movie had bad reviews and modest attendance. So, suggested variants for the two are: