Template:Did you know nominations/Daniel J. Hilferty

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Fuebaey (talk) 16:58, 8 January 2015 (UTC)

Daniel J. Hilferty edit

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... that Independence Blue Cross CEO Daniel J. Hilferty first realized he "was a pretty good leader" based on his community and civic success in a project improving playgrounds as part of the Jesuit Volunteer Corps?

- ALT1... that Independence Blue Cross CEO Daniel J. Hilferty first realized he "was a pretty good leader" while improving playgrounds with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps?

Created by Alansohn (talk). Self nominated at 22:49, 2 December 2014 (UTC).

Dan arndt (talk) 05:50, 4 December 2014 (UTC)

The article is new enough (created 2 December 2014)

The article is long enough (only just)

The article is neutral & cites its sources. There are a couple of instances where the article closely paraphrases or copies the wording from the cited references that will need to be addressed.

The hook however is too long and too wordy

@Alansohn: Striking original hook as being too long. Could you address Dan's close paraphrasing concerns and propose another hook? Fuebaey (talk) 18:53, 6 January 2015 (UTC)

I've added an ALT1 hook that addresses the length issue. I'm not sure what the specific close paraphrasing concerns were, but I reviewed the article and updated as appropriate with modified wording and additional content and sourcing. Alansohn (talk) 19:05, 6 January 2015 (UTC)

ALT1 is good and everything else checks out. The additional info now ensures the article is long enough as well.Dan arndt (talk) 02:08, 7 January 2015 (UTC)