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Untitled
editI think fact and sources wise you are doing well but I would change part of the section about the book, because some of the sentences sound a little awkward especially when you add why the author was included in opening gates. Maybe you could a critical reception or influence section to explain her importance in a more organic way.
Below is the revised first peer critique that I posted on Blackboard:
This is a very good article. I didn't find many typos, but there was some phrasing that could maybe use some revisiting - "bared child" vs "bore child. Overall really good! I think that the structure and outline of your article is good and easy to follow. I think that it would be good to discussion more about the revolutions impact on her writing as well as possibly create a new section that expands on what other factors influenced her writing. I'd don’t know much about your author but perhaps she focused on certain themes in your book. It might be nice to see some more focus on what influenced her to write about those specific topics. My only suggestion is that since you have a section dedicated to her book, maybe you could include a quote or passage from it and then describe how it expresses a "sense of release" and "euphoria." -Adora
Hi Zabada,
Great job with your second draft! I'm glad to see that you tried some of the suggestions I gave you last time. Although, they didn’t jive quite well, the idea that you are doing different things with your writing speaks volumes! Like, I said before you have a great outline. I think the addition of you going into further detail about her themes in the book - 'sense of release and euphoria' and French integration - gave better context and support for this Wikipedia article. Also, I think your article would benefit if you looked at simplifying some of your sentences. For example, in the first section, it takes three sentences to explain how she was taken of school at age 12 and married without her consent, when really it should only take one. While I like that you are connecting Bittari's life to other Arab authors, I'm confused why you wrote about her. I think it would be nice to write a little about Huda's life relevance to Bittari's life. Perhaps something along the lines of "While child marriage was common practice, it was thoroughly discussed and resented by many women, most notably Huda."
It would be nice to restate that O, My Muslim sisters, Weep is her only book under that section. Other than that, I think you did a really great job of conveying the impact Bittari had on literature!
Adora Adatiger96 (talk) 21:57, 12 October 2014 (UTC)