Talk:Working on a Dream Tour/GA1

Latest comment: 13 years ago by Kitchen roll in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer:  Kitchen Roll  (Exchange words) 22:20, 8 July 2010 (UTC)Reply

I'll be reviewing the article in the next few days or so. At first read through it looks good, but have spotted some issues. I know a fair bit about the subject of the article, so I hope this will help in the review.  Kitchen Roll  (Exchange words) 22:20, 8 July 2010 (UTC)Reply

OK, thanks. Look forward to the review. Wasted Time R (talk) 02:51, 9 July 2010 (UTC)Reply

Is it well written?

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The lead

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  • “Even more unlike all his previous tours, Working on a Dream Tour ... ” --> “the Working on a Dream Tour”
    • Fixed.
  • “The final leg of the tour featuring Springsteen often playing one of his classic 1970s or 1980s albums all the way through, another first.” --> “Often, during the final leg of the tour, Springsteen played one of his classic albums from the 1970s or 1980s all the way through.”
    • It's important to keep in that this was the first time Springsteen had done this. I changed it to "The final leg of the tour often featured another first as Springsteen played one of his classic 1970s or 1980s albums all the way through."
      • Lead section looks good.   Done

Ticket sales

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  • “The two each New Jersey and Philadelphia shows sold out in about an hour” --> “All the shows in New Jersey and Philadelphia sold out in about an hour”
    • It's important to keep in the number of shows, since the difficulty of selling out depends on how much you're selling. I changed it to "The pair of shows in both New Jersey and Philadelphia sold out in about an hour." although that's still a little clunky.
  • “the Springsteen people” isn’t very encyclopedic. Who are “the Springsteen people”?
    • Changed to say Springsteen's management.
  • “where tickets are sold on the secondary market” --> shouldn’t this be in the past tense “where tickets were sold on the secondary market”
    • Done.
  • “Springsteen's organization, as well as record companies and promoters, do hold back substantial numbers of tickets from public sales and making supply of them even tighter, especially for New Jersey shows.” --> ”Springsteen's organization, as well as record companies and promoters, held back substantial numbers of tickets from public sales and made their supply even tighter, especially for New Jersey shows.”
    • Done.
  • “In March 2009, Springsteen manager Jon Landau” --> ”In March 2009, Springsteen’s manager Jon Landau”
    • I think the existing form is allowable, as a compound adjective. Putting it into your form means putting in commas around "Jon Landau" and the commas already pile up later in the sentence.
  • “When Springsteen's fall Giants Stadium shows were ... ”. Does “fall” mean the shows happened during autumn? To reduce ambiguity the months should probably be given instead.

The show

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  • “Springsteen performed a couple of public rehearsal shows at Asbury Park Convention Hall before beginning the tour proper.” --> “Springsteen performed a couple of public rehearsal shows at Asbury Park Convention Hall before he began the tour properly.”
    • This sense of "proper", meaning "in the strict sense of the word" and used immediately following the word in question, can't be used in the adverb form (see dictionary.com entry #7 here). So I think this is correct as it is.
  • “Once the first leg of the tour proper began with the consistent show opener "Badlands"” --> “Once the first leg of the tour began properly, “Badlands” consistently opened the shows”
  • “featuring the two added singers”. Does the two added singers refer to Curtis King and Cindy Mizelle? If so, it would be better to name them here.
    • Have done so.
  • “Nor was the prior album Magic given any due, with only "Radio Nowhere" included.” --> “Nor was the previous album, Magic, given any due, with only "Radio Nowhere" included.”
    • Done.
  • “Van Zandt said that the emergence of the recession theme was in part what led the show in a direction away from showcasing the Working on a Dream album.” --> ”Van Zandt said that the emergence of the recession theme was in part the reason why the shows were led away from showcasing the Working on a Dream album.”
    • Reworded to make it even shorter.
  • “While wife Scialfa was nowhere to be seen in Europe, their son Evan appeared and played guitar during encores of a number of shows.” The way this is written implies she’s Jay Weinberg’s wife.
    • Clarified who she is.
  • “Lofgren continued his practice of often opening shows with national songs played on accordion.” --> ”Lofgren continued to open shows, playing national songs on accordion.”
    • Done.
  • “Apart from the album playings, Springsteen's kept setlists flexible during the third leg”. Springsteen’s --> Springsteen

Band members

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Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

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Itinerary

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The show

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Critical and commercial reception

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Broadcasts and recordings

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Tour dates

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  • Whole table needs sources.
    • I figured this would come up. Tour dates listings are a borderline violation of WP:NOTDIRECTORY. I never include them in tour articles I start, but lots of other editors like them and put them in, at which point I don't try to remove them. The dates listing at least can be sourced, via one entry for the first two legs at the Springsteen official website and another entry there for the third leg. But there's no sources for the attendance figures, and I think those are really excessive in terms of minor detail. However, I don't feel like hand-editing 85 rows of table entries to pull out those columns. So until somebody does, I've commented out the entire section. Wasted Time R (talk) 01:39, 11 July 2010 (UTC)Reply

Is it broad in its coverage?

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Pass

Is it neutral?

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Pass

Is it stable?

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Pass

Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

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Pass

Result

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Really interesting article and a good read. It goes on hold until the above comments have been adressed. Thanks  Kitchen Roll  (Exchange words) 15:57, 10 July 2010 (UTC)Reply

Right everything's done. I'm more than happy to pass the article.  Kitchen Roll  (Exchange words) 17:41, 27 July 2010 (UTC)Reply