Talk:Unbreakable (Janet Jackson song)/GA1
Latest comment: 6 years ago by Aoba47 in topic GA Review
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 18:52, 25 January 2018 (UTC)
- Grabbing this for a review. It may take me a few days to get to this just so you know. Aoba47 (talk) 18:52, 25 January 2018 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- Please add ALT text for the infobox image.
- I do not believe that the citation in the lead is necessary as that information should be present and cited in the body of the article.
- For this part (and made available for digital download on the same day), you need “was” in front of “made”.
- For this part (and to Urban adult contemporary radio on October 5, 2015), I do not believe that “urban” needs to be capitalized.
- I do not believe that “instrumentation” requires a link.
- I would paraphrase the quotes in the second paragraph (i.e. “funky”, “breezy”, “relaxed”, and “rich”).
- For this part (and towards the end the beat is pulled back), add a comma after “end”.
- This part (Described as a love letter to her fans, lyrically the song finds Jackson) is rather awkwardly phrased. The way that the beginning phrase (i.e. Described as a love letter to her fans) is set up literally means that the song describes itself as a love letter to fans so that will need to be corrected. Also, I do not believe that the “lyrically” transition is necessary as it only disrupts the flow of the sentence. This part of the sentence needs some major revision.
- Background and release
- I would link “Janet Jackson” upon the first mention in the body of the article.
- How is this part (During the video announcement, an instrumental of the album's first single, "No Sleeep", was previewed, and later the full song was released on June 22, 2015.) relevant to this article? It seems more appropriate for the articles on “No Sleeep” and the parent album.
- I am not sure how certain parts of this paragraph are relevant to this particular article, such as mentioning “The Great Forever”. I understand providing background on Jackson’s absence and her return as important to understanding the song’s lyrics and message, but I would prune out any unnecessary details that would be more appropriate for the article on the parent album.
- Composition and lyrics
- Please add ALT text for the image.
- I would be more descriptive in the image caption.
- Again, I do not believe that “instrumentation” requires a link.
- For this sentence ( Its pre-chorus is "full of rich harmonies that give a retro—dare we say Jackson 5—vibe," noted Fuse's Mark Sundstrom), I would move the critic attribution to the front of the sentence as I believe it would flow better that way.
- I do not believe that Fuse should be in italics.
- I would rephrase this sentence (Towards the end, as described by Music Times' Carolyn Menyes, "with a knowing wink, Jackson gives a spoken outroagainst some finger snaps.) as it reads rather awkwardly.
- I am not a fan of this sentence ('Hello. It's been a while. Lots to talk about. I'm glad you're still here. I dedicate myself to you. I hope you enjoy,' she says, directly addressing the listeners who have waited so long for a taste of new Jackson music.), primarily for adding the attribution in the middle of the sentence almost like a work of fiction rather than an encyclopedic entry. I would revise this to make it reader more clearly.
- Critical reception
- Move up the link for “music critics” as the term “critics” was used in a previous section.
- There is a lot of great information here, and it can be quite difficulty to write this type of section, especially when the song comes from such a well-known artist like Janet Jackson, but I believe that this requires more structure. Right now, it is quite overwhelming and reads like a random assortment of critics and quotes without any true sense of order. I would use this resource (Wikipedia:Copyediting reception sections) as a guide when thinking about structure.
- Chart performance
- Is a separate section for this really necessary? Could be it combined with the “Critical reception” section to form more of a “Reception” section.
- Live performance
- I would rephrase the section to “Live performances” as she has performed this more than once on tour.
- Is there any more information on this? Reviews? Descriptions of the performance? I would imagine there would be at least a little more of substance on this.
- Credits and personnel
- Please add this section heading for the credits. Right now, the credits are lumped under the “Live performance” section.
- Release history
- I would combine the two tables together.
- References
- I believe that the entries for the work/publisher entries need to be linked for every reference. For instance, Billboard should be linked in Reference 3.
- Add an accessdate for Reference 3.
- Final comments
- You have done a wonderful job with this article. Oddly enough, this is actually one of my favorite albums from Janet Jackson (I am probably in the minority on this though), and it was fascinating to read more about this particular song. I have a great deal of respect for your work, so I hope you find these comments at least somewhat useful. I will be more than happy to pass this as a GA once my comments are addressed. Have a great weekend! Aoba47 (talk) 01:53, 27 January 2018 (UTC)
- Please let me know on here when you have address the above comments. I just have a few more very minor comments to add and then, this should be ready for promotion. Aoba47 (talk) 02:30, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
- All
Done Alex talk 03:35, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
- All
- Second run-through and final final comments
- I would paraphrase this quote ("almost a cappella ballad") in the lead.
- I believe that the "Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis" caption requires a period as it is a full sentence.
- Reference 32 is missing the writer's name, access-date, and publication date.
- For Reference 12, I do not believe that "Stream" should be in all caps.
These are the only comments that I have for this article. Once everything is addressed, I will pass this as a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 04:14, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
- Verdict
- Thank you for your patience. I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 14:18, 28 January 2018 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.