Talk:Ultralight Beam/GA1

Latest comment: 6 years ago by Aoba47 in topic GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 17:57, 19 February 2018 (UTC)Reply

Infobox and lead
  • I do not see the need for the references in the infobox (i.e. the references for the genre and the songwriters). This information should be present in the body of the article and sourced. I understand the notes, and would encourage you to keep them as they currently stand.
  • I would remove this part (, released in February 2016.) and just put the year in parenthesis after the album.
  • For this part (West first performed the song live on Saturday Night Live the day before the album's release), put the date as the album release date is not clearly specified in the lead.
  • For this part (, complete with the artists that performed on the song.), I would replace (, complete with) with just (with) for more concise language.
  • I do not believe the first half of this sentence (Although the song was not released as a single, it charted in multiple countries in 2016.) is necessary, especially considering the timing in which the song was released. It is not uncommon for album tracks by major artists to chart even if they are never released as singles. I would remove the first half, and expand on what you mean by “multiple countries”.
  • The references in the second paragraph are not necessary as the information should be present and cited in the body of the article.
  • I am not a fan of the usage of this quote "is about Kanye's faith in God. Whenever he's down or feels he can't fight any more, he searches for the light and knows, in God's hands, everything will be alright.”. It is a good quote that could be used in the body of the article, but please paraphrase it for the lead.
  • I did not notice this until doing a second read-through, but the genre "gospel rap" is not discussed in the body of the article and it is not supported by a reference. If there is not a reference to support this, then the genre will have to be removed as it would be considered original research at that point. Aoba47 (talk) 16:34, 20 February 2018 (UTC)Reply
    • I originally had a reference for that but I removed it when you said to remove refs in the infobox. The ref I had actually just says it gospel influenced, not "gospel rap". So I'll just change the genre to "hip hop" and "gospel". BeatlesLedTV (talk) 20:37, 20 February 2018 (UTC)Reply
Composition
  • I am not sure what you mean by “pious child” in the context of this sentence (The song begins with a sampled voice of a pious child from the social media site Instagram.).
  • Please use West’s full name on the first reference in the body of the article and link him.
  • Since you mention the lyrics in this section, “Composition and lyrics” would be a more apt title for this section.
  • You have Instagram linked multiple times in this section.
  • Please include the year in which Chi-Raq was released.
  • Could you expand on this sentence (Chance also comments on Spike Lee's film Chi-Raq, a film Chance has openly spoken out against.)? What are his comments/criticism of the film?
  • Please be consistent with how you refer to Chance the Rapper after you first introduce him. In this section, you reference him as “Chance” and “Chance the Rapper”. Please choose one or the other.
  • This is a clarification question for this sentence (Bieber, however, does not appear on the final version.). Was there a reason that Bieber was removed from the final version?
  • I am confused by the structure of this section. You mention the sample in the first sentence of the first paragraph, yet you do not follow-up on it until the last paragraph. I would try to be more cohesive with this as there is no reason to separate the information like this.
  • I am not sure about the use of external links (i.e. the link to sheisnatalie’s instagram page) in the body of the article.
  • Please include the year in which Counter-Strike: Global Offensive was released.
  • It seems a little odd to me to put the section about the song’s composition before the section on its recording.
Recording
  • I would think that this section should be the first one.
  • I am not a fan of the structure and tone of these sentences (As he programmed them, Watkins and Plain Pat went to Swiss Beatz's studio to get some tambourines. When they returned to the studio, West was there and was surprised they brought them. When Watkins began playing the tambourines during a run-through of the finished drum track, West loved it and wanted them in the song. Chance the Rapper was also in the studio at the time.). They read more like a story/narrative than a Wikipedia article. I would tailor this down.
  • You have Justin Bieber and Chance the Rapper linked several times in the body of the article.
  • I would remove “then” from the sentences as they do not add much for the reader’s understanding.
  • Kelly Price and Kirk Franklin are linked several times in the body of the article.
Meaning
Release and promotion
Reception
  • Again, unlink Kelly Price.
  • I would separate the reception of Chance the Rapper’s verse into its own paragraph.
  • I would include a topic sentence for the second paragraph.
  • I would remove the “Year-end lists” subsection as the information is already in the prose.
  • I would rename this section to “Critical reception” as it focuses only on the songs’ critical reception.
Commercial performance
Charts
References
Final comments
  • Good job with this; my concerns are primarily with the structure. Once my comments are addressed, I will look through this again and most likely pass it. Aoba47 (talk) 18:25, 19 February 2018 (UTC)Reply
    • Thank you so much for reviewing this! I addressed almost everything. I should have everything else done by tomorrow. I definitely agree the article needs some restructuring. It's my first GAN so I definitely don't have that much experience. Hopefully the future has more in store! Again thank you so much! BeatlesLedTV (talk) 02:29, 20 February 2018 (UTC)Reply
      • Thank you for addressing everything so far. You have done a fantastic job with this, especially considering that it is your first GAN. Please let me know if you need any help with any future GAN projects! Aoba47 (talk) 04:07, 20 February 2018 (UTC)Reply
Verdict
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.