Talk:USS New York (BB-34)/GA1
Latest comment: 10 years ago by Tomobe03 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Tomobe03 (talk · contribs) 19:51, 3 June 2013 (UTC) I'll review this article shortly.--Tomobe03 (talk) 19:51, 3 June 2013 (UTC)
MOS:
- No disambiguation links (no action required)
- External links are all fine (no action required)
- There are several duplicate links in the article. Redundant ones should be removed per WP:OVERLINK. Those are: 5"/51 caliber gun, Empire of Japan, United States Pacific Fleet, USS West Virginia (BB-48) and USS Texas (BB-35).
Prose:
- I would suggest changing
... 16 5 in (130 mm)/51 cal guns...
to "sixteen 5 inch (130 mm)/51 cal guns" or "16 five-inch (130 mm)/51 cal guns" to improve readability (avoid consecutive numerals). - Ditto for
10 3 in (76 mm) guns
andShe had expended a total of 60 14-inch (360 mm) rounds
- these and the one above are no dealbreakers - merely suggestions. - There's an inconsistency in the prose that should be checked and mended: "Design and construction" section specifies that
... turrets had an elevation of 15 degrees, but this was increased to 30 degrees during an overhaul in 1939.
The statement is contradicted in "Inter-War period" subsection which saysShe saw another modernization in 1940–41 where her main battery elevation was increased from 15 to 30 degrees.
- How about changing
... but the Japanese aircraft crashed 50 yards (46 m) from the ship and the ship received only superficial damage...
somehow to avoid "from the ship and the ship" - that particular construction seems awkward. - I found
she along with 70 ships were used in bomb tests
odd-sounding, would "she was used in bomb tests along with 70 other ships"?
Referencing and other criteria are met. There are very few issues left to tidy before passing this nom. Nice work.--Tomobe03 (talk) 10:11, 6 June 2013 (UTC)