Hi, I believe that all issues you've pointed out are now addressed . Also glad for this article to be your first GAN review. λNegativeMP1 03:48, 1 January 2024 (UTC)Reply
Looks good. Hope I didn't make you do too much copyediting. ~ A412talk! 06:03, 1 January 2024 (UTC)Reply
I refer to [1] as the "old revision".
Refs as of [2] revision.
"Tilted Towers" was a city location -- is there a better term than "city location"? I get what you mean, but putting the words together like this makes it look like a specific term of art, but sources don't appear to say this.
Most important part of this was "location" since that's what it is in-game so I've shortened it to that.
"criticizing its popularity for causing a disruption in gameplay." -> "criticizing its popularity for causing disruptions in gameplay."
Done.
Design:
"and was located in the center of the map next to Loot Lake" -- I'm not convinced the Loot Lake part is meaningful to people who haven't played Fortnite, and the "center of the map" part is important but could be expanded on better.
Removed the Loot Lake mention, but not necessarily seeing how "center of the map" can be expanded upon.
"Due to their size, each building provided an advantage to players that had sniper rifles in their inventory against others players across the map" -- Assuming this is mostly based of the Eurogamer source, which actually mentions sniper rifles, I don't think the source says this and the sentence is a bit awkward. "Due to their height, each building provided an advantage to players that were able to stay on their rooftops and had sniper rifles in their inventory against other players in the location" is closer to what the source says.
Done.
"with the vast majority of players landing at Tilted Towers" -- is this sourced?
The direct wording no, but I think the whole part of the Eurogamer source describing Tilted as the "Great Attractor" could be enough to imply this. Either way, I've reworded it.
"combat in the location was often frantic" -- What's the source for this? The Eurogamer source says the opposite. "Tilted Towers tends to be distance kills and attrition. It is tense - is this possible? - without being energising and exciting."
Reworded to say tense instead of frantic.
"Landing at Tilted Towers was considered be a risk-reward due to the loot available at the location, and usually provided players with enough loot to reach the end of the game." -> "Landing at Tilted Towers was considered to be risky due to its popularity, but rewarding as the location provided players with enough loot to reach the end of the game."
Done.
Development and history:
"one of the largest locations on the Fortnite island" -- Is Titled Towers small or large? The Design section calls it "small", the old revision calls it "large", and this section calls it "one of the largest".
This is a case of source inconsistency (specifically from 11) that I don't necessarily know if I can dispute. I have reworded though to be a more direct quotation.
"It was created to becomparable to the existing city locations Pleasant Park and Retail Row" -- "be comparable" is two words, and this is very imprecise. What do you mean by "be comparable"?
First part was a basic grammar mistake, but I've changed the sentence the say "be similar".
"and players believed that the meteor was going to strike Tilted Towers" -- I think "speculated" is the more accurate term.
Done.
"and prompting them all to visit the location and honor it" -- "and causing players to visit the location to see what was happening" is more source-accurate.
Done
"When the meteor made impact, it ended up destroying a different location, Dusty Depot, instead and leaving Tilted Towers untouched except for one building" -- Does the source mention the "one building"? It seems to just say Tilted Towers was untouched. Also, the wording is a little too in-universe. "However, in May 2018, an update to the map revealed a different location, Dusty Depot, had been destroyed by the meteor instead."
Done.
"In this new map was Tilted Towers, which was frozen and covered by snow until January of the next year, where it defrosted and made a full return to Fortnite after two years of absence." -> "Tilted Towers reappeared in this new map after two years of absence, but was frozen and covered by snow until January 2022." Also, what does "frozen and covered by snow" mean? Was it inaccessible? Was it a snow-themed overlay? Worth clarifying.
Fixed.
"During Chapter 3 Season 2, an in-game war between in-game factions known as the "Imagined Order" and "The Seven" resulted in the destruction of several buildings in Tilted Towers, which were reconstructed by the Fortnite community" -- this mixes plot, gameplay, and RL pretty hard. Were the buildings permanently destroyed in matches of Fortnite? Were the factions players or NPCs? How did the community reconstruct them? Was it in-game? Were they destroyed and reconstructed in a process that occurred during the season?
Tried to clarify this better.
General comment on this section: Is it possible to consistently use months, chapter/season numbers, or update numbers? It uses all three, and it's hard to follow.
Changed it up a little bit to consistently use Chapter/Season numbers and months/years.
Reception and legacy:
"with most of them criticizing its popularity making gameplay difficulty" -> "with most of them criticizing its popularity making gameplay difficult"
Fixed.
"They furthermore described the typical gameplay experience in the location to repetitive as a result" -- Not sure what "to repetitive" means here.
Fixed.
"Upon the locations destruction" -> "Upon the location's destruction"
Done.
"They furthermore described the locations destruction" -> "They further described the location's destruction"
"alongside four other new locations" -- is this important enough to mention in the lead?
Removed.
A lot of Development focuses on how it's been repeatedly added and removed in various incarnations. Maybe the lead should mention this.
Mentioned.
Words to watch:
"Tilted Towers is notorious for being the most popular location in Fortnite: Battle Royale". I think "notorious" needs to be sourced, or a less strong word used, in the three sources only the drum gun appears to be described as "notorious".
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
Ref 24 and 31 appear misformatted. Refs 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, 11, 13, 16, 17, 23, 27, and 29 all appear to have author bylines available but are not referenced as such.
Fixed.
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
Ref 5: Can you explain why "How Players Play Games: Observing the Influences of Game Mechanics" is a reliable source? This appears to be a conference proceeding of 12th ACM International Workshop on Immersive Mixed and Virtual Environment Systems. Generally, conference proceedings are not peer-reviewed.
Removed.
Ref 6: According to VG/S, Destructoid requires author reliability. Can you explain why Brett Makedonski is reliable?
Makedonski was a staff writer at the site for seven years before leaving in 2021. According to his LinkedIn profile, he was the sites managing editor. He seems acceptable enough to cite for a small fact that the other sources seem to imply and an opinion.
