Talk:Thomas S. Monson/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by Nikki311 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
Hello. I'll be doing the GA review for this article. I've only skimmed it so far, but here are the initial things that jumped out at me:
- There are a couple of instances where stand alone years are wikilinked, but shouldn't be. 1959 --> 1959
- I don't see the point for the subheading (Books by Monson) under the heading Works. It seems a little un-necessary as the sentence explains it, and there isn't another heading for works not by him.
I'll go through the text in the next few days when I have some more time. I'm putting the article on hold for now. Nikki311 03:43, 4 July 2008 (UTC)
Here's some more specific suggestions:
- The image captions are complete sentences, so they need periods at the end.
- "Monson would often spend weekends" - try to avoid "would + verb" --> "Monson often spent weekends"
- "On October 7, 1948, he married Frances Beverly Johnson in the Salt Lake Temple. Today, he and Frances have three children: Thomas Lee, Ann Frances, and Clark Spencer." - it sounds awkward to suddenly use the present tense in a sentence surrounded by the past tense. --> "On October 7, 1948, he married Frances Beverly Johnson in the Salt Lake Temple, and the couple eventually had three children: Thomas Lee, Ann Frances, and Clark Spencer." - or something like that
- "He would bring them gifts" --> "He brought them gifts"
- "As an apostle of the LDS Church, Monson worked in many areas of the world and in many capacities." --> "As an apostle of the LDS Church, Monson worked in many capacities all around the world." - less wordy
The article will be on hold for seven days to allow for improvements. Nikki311 16:08, 6 July 2008 (UTC)