Talk:The Tale of Benjamin Bunny/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 18:45, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

Lead

• I think the lead is about a paragraph too short to adequately summarise the article. There's nothing about the book's illustrations for instance, or about the book's structure, given Potter's distaste for conventional beginnings and endings, and her publisher's dislike of the way Benjamin ends.

I've expanded the lead with another paragraph. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

• "The Times Literary Supplement gave Potter's illustrations the thumbs up ...". I'm unconvinced that "thumbs up" has an appropriate encyclopedic tone, particularly as you've considered it necessary to link to a rather poor article explaining what the phrase means.

Used the review's "pencil perfect". Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

I think that's much better. Strictly though, that quotation ought now to be attributed in the lead, so I've added a citation. Malleus Fatuorum 13:03, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

Plot

• I'm not at all sure of the value of the picture of a rabbit in this section.

Discarded the image. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

• "Benjamin's father enters the garden looking for his son, drives the cat away, and frees Benjamin and Peter, giving them both a sound before taking them home." Giving them both a sound what?

Switching, but ended the sentence with just "frees Benjamin and Peter." Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

Composition and publication

• ".. to cut the interpolation of Mrs. Rabbit's profession from Peter Rabbit and to insert it at the beginning of Benjamin Bunny where it creates setting and the conception of a rabbit world not only parallel to the human one but one that is complete unto itself." This almost identical to the image caption, no need to say it twice.

• "She rewrote several other passages including twice rewriting the passage depicting Mr. McGregor's discovery of the cat locked in the greenhouse." This probably ought to have been mentioned in the Plot section (how did the cat end up in the greenhouse?), otherwise it seems to dangle a bit.

Made mention in the Plot. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

• "Much to her embarrassment, Potter realized "muffettees" was misspelled ...". What's the context? What does "muffettes" mean?

It's a muff worn at the wrist and I've entered this in the text. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

Illustrations

• "Scribbled or not, the work is of the highest quality with the sketches of onions and red carnations (which were dropped as the frontispiece) being chief examples." I'm not quite following that. How many sketches of onions and red carnations were there going to be on the frontispiece? More than one?

Critical reception

• Seems a little short. Were there no other reviews?

These two are the only ones mentioned in the sources. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

Critical commentaries

• The image caption "Br'er Rabbit wins by cunning; Potter's rabbits win by pure luck" is almost identical to what's been said earlier in the Background section.

Deleted image. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

• I'm not altogether sure I understand what this section is getting at. Are the opinions expressed in it from one person or from many? Who are they? Would it not be better to merge this section with the previous Critical reception, especially if no more reviews can be found?

Clarified and merged. Susanne2009NYC (talk) 03:36, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

I'm putting this article on hold to allow time for these issues to be addressed. Malleus Fatuorum 21:47, 24 August 2010 (UTC)

I think this is fine now, another nice addition to your charming Beatrix Potter opus. Malleus Fatuorum 13:15, 25 August 2010 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.