Talk:The Doo-Wops & Hooligans Tour/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 14:40, 18 April 2019 (UTC)

Lead

• were announced in October 2010. Dates for the rest of the tour were announced later → The second sentence is kind of unnecessary in the lead
• North American → North America
• Who is Donnis?
• I quite got lost with the "Hooligans in Wondaland" thing; is this an extra tour prior to the Doo-Wops & Hooligans Tour or a segment or... ?
• The Doo-Wops & Hooligans Tour received a generally positive to mixed reception from music critics → This sentence doesn't read very well

Background and development

• to support Mars' first studio album → to support Mars' aformentioned first studio album (to be concise)
• for additional dates added to the North America leg of the tour.[4] Paradigm was announced as the tour's producer. → for additional dates added to the North America leg of the tour,[4] and Paradigm was eventually announced as the tour's producer. (for more flow)
• Wasn't it Paradigm and AEG who produced the show (according to the lead)
• The first setlist → What should "the first" mean here?
• other artists on arena tours. He decided instead → other artists on arena tours, instead deciding
• Monáe → You need to mention her full name here and link her
• fan base → fanbase
• including some of the same songs as well as others that were not played much in 2010. "Runaway Baby", "Liquor Store Blues" and an encore including "Lighters" and "Talking to the Moon" were added to this new setlist → including a part of the same songs as well as others that were not played much in 2010, such as "Runaway Baby" and "Liquor Store Blues"; an encore including "Lighters" and "Talking to the Moon" was also added to the new setlist
• the Hooligans in Wondaland tour → this appears out of the dark and very sudden without prior mentioning

Outcome

• Fail — I have only reviewed two selected sections, but already there several issues are visible which I think can't be solved that easily and not in the time period given for GA status. Apart from grammatical errors, short sentences (lack of flow) and some fancruft here and there (e.g.: "Mars' energy and the skill of his performances", "which showed some impressive, James Brown-inspired footwork") we also have several connection issues, with information and terms appearing out of the sudden without context (making it hard for, e.g. non-Mars fans to understand surtain aspects). I suggest taking this to the Guild of Copy-Editors, and renominate eventually. Cartoon network freak (talk) 16:46, 20 April 2019 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.