Talk:Tapestry (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 00:01, 15 March 2016 (UTC)

Second on my "to review" list. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 00:01, 15 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments

• I am guessing that this was not your upload, but I would remove that non-free file unless you can tell me why it's necessary.

• I've removed it - I got it into my head that there was more discussion on that scene. Miyagawa (talk) 21:05, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• Can you add running time to the infobox?

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• This is not a necessity, but I would replace the em dashes in the guest actors part with "as"

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Nielsen ratings of 13.8 percent were received..." The phrasing of this sentence is rather poor.

• I've switched it around. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• I find "writing and premise" to be a bit redundant, as the premise is included in the writing process.

• I've dropped the "premise" bit. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• It's a bit strange to go from the first sentence to "Moore's original premise" which makes it sound like the two are entirely different.

• I've changed it from "original premise" to "plan" in order to avoid making it sound like the first sentence was separate. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "it had to be trimmed" What had to be cut down, and why?

• I've split that rather long sentence into two to avoid a run on sentence following the further explanation added. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• Copyedit the second paragraph of "writing"

• I've overhauled it. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "Producer Jeri Taylor" Be more specific about the "it" later in the sentence.

• Changed to "similarity". Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• I would put all the stuff about Brandy in the same paragraph.

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "get together" is very informal.

• I've redrafted to get around it. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "However this scene did feature" rephrase

• Managed to drop the "However". I use too many of those. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• What members of the crew made this comparison.

• Added - both redlinks atm, but I'll get around to those at some point. Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• I know what you mean, but say something different than "white scenes"

• I've made it more descriptive now. Miyagawa (talk) 21:00, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• "could be perceived like that" rephrase

• Done. Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• Can you put a critical consensus at the top of the "critical reception" section?

• Done. I managed to avoid saying "overwhelmingly positive" though. :) Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• It was not immediately clear to me what DeCandido novel had to do with the episode until the next sentence, so could you condense that portion into one sentence?

• I've flipped it around so that the "Tapestry" reference comes first. Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

• Why is "The Morton Report" reliable?

• It was created by Eric Olsen and Andrew Morton (the former still acting as editor). Therefore it has the required editorial oversight. Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

@Miyagawa: That's all I have. I will definitely pass after these are cleared up. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 19:19, 28 March 2016 (UTC)

@Johanna: I think that was everything. Let me know if there's anything else. Miyagawa (talk) 21:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

@Miyagawa: Wonderful. Pass. If you plan on taking this to FA (which I would recommend) I would just have a copyedit (GOCE or self) done beforehand. Nice work! Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 21:35, 29 March 2016 (UTC)

@Johanna: Thanks for the review - it'll be good to get a TNG episode to FA to go with the TOS and Enterprise eps (and hopefully the DS9 one shortly). Miyagawa (talk) 21:38, 29 March 2016 (UTC)