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Untitled edit
Recommending using the following format to clean up the page and make it more presentable, easier to follow:
Technomensch (talk) 18:01, 4 June 2015 (UTC)
References and External Links edit
This is a short summary of what StartupBus is
- StartupBus is a annual technology competition started as in March 2011. The competition is held across a 3-day bus ride where contestants with brilliant minds compete to build the best technological startup. Previously held contests are the 2011 StartupBus competition winners, North America 2012,Europe 2012, North America 2013, Europe 2013, Africa 2013, North America 2014, Startupbus Pacific, Europe 2014, North America 2015 (not yet) and Nashville 2015.
- Winners of StartupBus that I have currently collated are as follows:
- 2011 StartupBus competition winners: TripMedi & WalkIn
- North America 2012 - Cerealize [4]
- North America 2013 - CareerMob
- Europe 2013 - Aiden (mood-tracking app for depression)
- Africa 2013 - Workforce (mobile-powered planning app for connecting workers and employer) [5]
- Startupbus Pacific - People of the sun
- Europe 2014 - Zumo [6]
I am working on this article and these are the relevant references and external links. If there are any issues please feel free to contact me. Thank you very much for your guidance
Nbsntugrp4 (talk) 02:54, 4 April 2015 (UTC)
References edit
- ^ Lagorio-Chafkin, Christine. "4 Ideas From SXSW: StartupBus Edition". Inc. Retrieved 6 April 2015.
- ^ Perez, Sarah. "StartupBus Doubling To 12 Buses In 2012, But You Have To Vote Your Region In". TechCrunch. Retrieved 6 April 2015.
- ^ Taylor, Colleen. "StartupBus' Hackathon-On-Wheels Hits the Road to SXSW [TCTV]". TechCrunch. Retrieved 6 April 2015.
- ^ Colleen, Taylor. "Meet Cerealize And The Rest Of The Apps Born On The 2012 StartupBus [TCTV]". TechCrunch. Retrieved 2 April 2015.
- ^ Jacques, Coetzee. "8 pitches from StartupBus Africa, 'Workforce' announced as winner". ventureburn. Retrieved 2 April 2015.
- ^ Steven, Beeckman. "Announcing the winner of StartupBus Europe 2014". StartupBus. Retrieved 2 April 2015.
- Kye, White. "First stop Australia, next stop the Pacific for the StartupBus". startup smart.
External links edit
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Peer Review of Article for Education Assignment edit
The review will be in accordance to the section as shown on the Wikipedia page.
Contents & Infobox
Section 3: Competition Overview seems needlessly long. Especially since “Winner’s Creation” is repeated multiple times. Perhaps consider doing it in a list or table format instead, as the current list results in many unnecessary sub-headers at the beginning which may be distracting.
Examining the source code, the infobox used is one typically used for a company. Consider other using the infobox for “events” or recurring “events” since StartupBus is an competition and so that you can input more information in the infobox.
History
Language can be more formal and factual. When composing articles that depict a history of events, the wiki should avoid using word such as “eventually” and “soon after” and state explicitly the date and facts at the start of the sentence. For example your team used wordings like:
Soon after, starting from February 2011, StartupBus was officially an annual technological startup competition.
Perhaps consider rephrasing as:
In February 2011, StartupBus was declared an annual startup competition
To have a better idea of how to structure historical facts, perhaps consider looking at some wiki articles such as History of Singapore and Japanese occupation of Singapore.
Concept
Phrasing under “concept” sounds like a business plan or an instruction manual. Such language is more akin to selling an idea and should be avoided in a Wikipedia article. Hence, consider phrasing it in a manner that is more factual and less worded in a manner similar to a proposal. For example:
On-board are experienced mentors from prior StartupBus competitions, available to help the teams out.
Could instead be phrased as:
Experienced mentors are also present onboard the StartupBuses to render help to the teams where needed.
Also, some awkward sentence structuring such as the following:
- Buspreneurs are selected based on an invite-only basis after indicating their interest through submission of an application and proposal with an interview there after, if shortlisted.
- Each bus consists of 24 buspreneurs, which comes equipped with Wi-fi, charging points and tables among the seats with no other luxuries.
Competition Overview
As previously mentioned, avoid setting each year as a subsection of this section if possible, as this makes the table of contents appear messy and harder to navigate with it. Consider either putting the information into a table, or maybe sorting it by year.