Talk:Solitary (Lost)/GA1
Latest comment: 8 years ago by Ruby2010 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 14:08, 21 June 2015 (UTC)
Happy to offer a review. I've never watched Lost, but (especially considering the articles I nominate!) I'm happy to muck in. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:08, 21 June 2015 (UTC)
- I don't think the plot introduction in the lead provides enough context for those unfamiliar with the subject. I'm unclear what the whole "flashback" thing is, for example.
- Clarified flashbacks—let me know how that is. What else do you think needs changing? Generally the lede offers a short summary.
- "the first mystery of the episode" Do you mean episode here?
Done, changed to "series"
- "the Pilot episode" This should probably either be "the pilot episode" with the whole phrase linking to the episode article, or simply ""Pilot"". (Again in the plot section- also, I'm not sure about the shifting from in-universe to real-world discussion, there)
- Done About the plot section, that's a good point— I removed the point about the pilot episode and just said "...the survivors heard when they first crashed on the island".
- "The episode was first broadcast in the United States on November 17, 2004" This seems to repeat what has already been said.
- Done Changed to "The episode's initial broadcast in the United States".
- "he recognizes a new prisoner" What do you mean by this? "He is shown a new prisoner, who he recognises", or "he sees someone, who he recognises as a new prisoner"?
- Done Changed to "he sees a new prisoner who he recognizes"
- "When they are alone" The "they" is a little ambiguous, here.
- Done Changed to "When he and Nadia are alone..."
- Repetition of "mysterious"?
- Changed the first usage to "peculiar" ("Sayid finds a peculiar cable running out of the ocean"), how is that?
- "on the island about three days out of Tahiti." Unclear.
- Done Changed to "they were shipwrecked on the island about three days after leaving Tahiti".
- "Sayid's events with Rousseau happened simultaneously with the events back at the survivors' camp." Which events?
- I'm not really sure what I should put here, as the "events" are explained in the plot section. It's everything that happened between him and Rousseau, and I think "events" is a good word.
- What's mythological about the episode? Is that clarified?
- If you're asking me personally, I'd say the introduction of the idea of the sickness and the others, but I'm not sure if I should add that to the article to avoid adding original research. The source that's used for that sentence doesn't specify either, here's the line from it: "And I do think it became characteristic of certainly the first half of season one in terms of the writing all the way up until "Raised By Another" and "Solitary" — the Sayid and Claire flashbacks — where the show started getting "weird and mythological.""
- "The character of Sullivan, whose medical woes Jack tended to, was created to make the rest of the survivors think that Rousseau's team was killed by an illness." This hasn't been mentioned yet?
- It was a minor scene, but I agree that since it's mentioned it should be in the article— I've added it.
- The second paragraph of the production section could be structured a little better to first talk about Rousseau, then lead into the discussion of the sickness, then finish with the golf stuff?
- Done
- "Writing for Zap2it, Ryan McGee wrote that he particularly enjoyed this episode, and thinks that it could be one of his top ten favorite episodes. He explained that "Solitary" contains "a lot of enclosed encounters between two people, set against a gorgeously shot B story that warms the heart."[14]" Is this in retrospect?
- It was published after season 4 (out of 6 seasons). Do you think that needs to be mentioned?
- Is The TV Critic a reliable source? "I have no specialist background in television (I studied politics at university) beyond watching a lot of it"
- Probably not. I've removed it.
- The date formatting in your references is inconsistent.
- Changed all to "Month Day, Year" (e.g. January 1, 1970).
- I'm fairly sure that there will be more good sources out there, but I admit that the generic search terms make it difficult... Can I ask what kind of searches you've done?
- Usually "lost solitary" works well on Google, but from writing a few Lost articles I've learned a few more tricks and sites that help (like Lostpedia [a large Lost wiki] for info to find references for, Google Books, etc.)
- Do you need both navigation templates?
- I think so, both have valuable information for all of Lost. Also, it's the norm for all Lost articles.
I've made some tweaks- please double-check them. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:51, 21 June 2015 (UTC)
- Done
Thanks for your thorough review Josh. Please let me know if there's anything else you think needs fixing. I apologize for taking this long to make these fixes. -Newyorkadam (talk) 04:27, 30 June 2015 (UTC)Newyorkadam
Ok, it's looking better- I've done some moderately heavy copyediting again, so please do double check that. Some last issues:
- "Sayid's time being captured by Rousseau happen simultaneously with the events back at the survivors' camp." I'm not clear what this has to do with the text around it, and it seems to contradict what is said in the plot section.
- I didn't add this part so I think I'd prefer if Newyorkadam commented on his addition, if possible. Ruby 2010/2013 03:13, 13 July 2015 (UTC)
- "they solved the first mystery" Who's "they"?
- "This reveal occurred despite the network encouraging them to wait" Again, who's the "them"?
- "The producers knew they had to tread carefully with the character due to possible prejudices against Arabs. The actor, Naveen Andrews, said, "we were all pretty nervous, in the sense that we all felt we owed a real obligation, not just to Iraqis but the entire Arab world about how this character would be played."[9]" I am not clear who/what you're talking about, here.
- "Writing for Zap2it, Ryan McGee wrote that he particularly enjoyed this episode, and thinks that it could be one of his top ten favorite episodes. He explained that "Solitary" contains "a lot of enclosed encounters between two people, set against a gorgeously shot B story that warms the heart."" Given that the review was written before a lot of episodes had aired, I think phrasing it like this is a little deceptive.
Other than that, I think we're good. Josh Milburn (talk) 11:25, 4 July 2015 (UTC)
- I'll jump in here since I'm not sure Newyorkadam will. Please see my replies above. Thanks Josh! Ruby 2010/2013 03:13, 13 July 2015 (UTC)
- Sorry I haven't checked up on this GA. Thanks for the fixes Ruby2010. Regarding your first point— I removed it as it wasn't very important, and fairly obvious, as events that happen in different locations in a tv series usually still occur at the same time. Hopefully that makes it more clear. -Newyorkadam (talk) 03:28, 13 July 2015 (UTC)Newyorkadam
Ok, great, I'm happy with how this is looking now, so I'm going to go ahead and promote. Great work! (If you get a chance, I've got an episode article at FAC at the moment which is struggling to attract reviewers: Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Last Gasp (Inside No. 9)/archive1. Absolutely no pressure to take a look, and, of course, there's no pressure to support, but if you're looking for something to do...) Josh Milburn (talk) 15:20, 16 July 2015 (UTC)