Talk:Shrek/GA1

Latest comment: 10 years ago by Koala15 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 18:00, 21 January 2014 (UTC)Reply

Hey, I'll be reviewing the article!

  • "But since Farley died in 1997 before he could finish" - poor way to start the sentence. Perhaps - "After Farley died..."?
  • "Mike Myers was put in to work for the character" - "put in" --> "brought in"?
  • In the lede, I think you should spell out BAFTA the first time, but it's not crucial
  • "who loves the solitude in his swamp, finds his life interrupted when many fairytale characters are exiled into his swamp" - could you find a way not to say "his swamp" twice in the same sentence?
  • " He brings along a talking Donkey (Eddie Murphy)." - is it worth mentioning that Donkey was the only fairytale creature who knew the way to Dulap?
  • "Shrek and Donkey stargaze while Shrek tells stories about great ogres and says that he will build a 10-foot wall around his swamp when he returns." - that's a bit long. Is the first part really relevant to the plot, even? The bit of the wall is good, I suppose, but keep in mind that that people in other countries use metres. Perhaps just say "will build a wall"?
  • "Shrek interrupts the wedding before Farquaad can kiss Fiona and tells her that Farquaad is not her true love and only marrying her to become king." - another fairly long sentence. Could you split this up with a comma or something?
  • Would you mind adding sources to the "Cast" section?
  • Thanks so much! Would you mind converting the ref for Fiona/Diaz into a full {{cite news}}: Empty citation (help)? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
  • "Because of Myers voicing the character, more ideas began to come; There were clearer story points, fresher gags and comedy bits" - either decapitalize "There" or change the semicolon to a period. Ditto toward the end of the Production section with "Instead of..."
  • You don't talk about Cameron Diaz replacing Garofalo. When did that happen? Ditto, how did they get Eddie Murphy?
  • "Making Human hair realistic" - any reason "Human" is a capitalized? Also, this sentence could be merged with the subsequent one.
  • Surely the "Music" section should mention the rock songs in the movie, such as All-Star or Hallelujah (which arguably became much more popular in the 2000s thanks to this film, but that'd require some research). I'd even say that the last paragraph of "Production" could be put here.
  • "The scene where Princess Fiona is fighting the Merry Men is a lengthy reference to The Matrix." - perhaps explain which reference? And, maybe say that the Matrix had come out in 1999 (?), to emphasize it just being a few years prior.
  • You start three paragraphs with of negative reviews, compared to two paragraphs of positive reviews, and yet almost all of them are just quotes. I think the section would be better if you paraphrased some of them, and included similar criticisms together. For example, a paragraph of more positive reviews (or two), and a paragraph or two of the negative reviews. That way it'll flow better.
  • "eleven of them showing them digitally" - don't mix antecedents
  • "It was nominated for the The Golden Globe" - the the? Find a way to avoid that :P
  • "It is also third on Bravo's 100 funniest films" - when was this list?
  • You should put the link to the Shrek musical at the top of the "Other media" section, so it's not in the middle
  • "They were however still box office hits" - awkward

All in all, the article is decent, but some sections could be improved. I'll put it on hold for seven days, since I don't think it should be too hard to finish all of these. Let me know if you have any questions! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:00, 21 January 2014 (UTC)Reply

Ok i think i fixed most of it, tell me if i missed anything cause some suggestions you wrote i didn't quite understand. Koala15 (talk) 21:30, 21 January 2014 (UTC)Reply

Alright, made a few replies. Thanks for fixing what you did so quickly! ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:06, 22 January 2014 (UTC)Reply
Ok, i think i fixed everything. The negative reviews are in the last paragraph of the critical response section. I couldn't find anything about the casting of Cameron Diaz or Eddie Murphy maybe there's just no story there or no info was ever put out. Koala15 (talk) 20:38, 22 January 2014 (UTC)Reply