Talk:Sarah Fisher/GA1
Latest comment: 4 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 00:23, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
1. Prose
Lead
- Ed Carpenter Racing to become CFH Racing - Ed Carpenter Racing, creating CFH Racing - better grammatically
Early life
- You start two sentences in a row with Fisher's - try rephrasing one of them for variety
- Link soccer, swimming, and gymnastics, then add a ; after gymnastics
- Change the last sentence of the first paragraph to read, She often watched her father compete at the local racetrack.. The way it is worded now makes it appear that she was only taken once.
- Both her parents supported her - add early racing career to the end of the sentence.
- In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, change watch to sample, as it seems they were evaluating the different ones to figure out which they wanted to enter her in.
- You don't need to link National Alliance of Midget Auto Racing, since there is not an article for it. Same goes for all of the following red links.
- Do link Ohio State University
- telephone call to enter - add inviting her between call and to
1999-2003
- Fisher forwent the series' race at the track to broaden her experience - after track, put a comma, followed by wanting first to broaden her experience - the way you have it now, it looks like skipping the race broadened her experience.
- End the next sentence after careers. Then, phrase the rest of the sentence as thus: Since most of her previous experience was at dirt racing, she worked on familiarizing herself with competing on asphalt tracks.
- Add IRL before debut
- Instead of generally stating she was off the leader's pace, either clarify how many laps down she was when she pitted or change the sentence to, She finished the race in 25th place, having driven into the pit lane after 66 laps to retire with a failed timing chain. Off the leader's pace could mean a lot of different things, from far behind on the lead lap to ten laps down.
- Before the Texas round - shouldn't "round" be "race"?
- Take out "was impressed with Fisher and"; this is redundant, since you've already stated he felt she was the ideal choice.
- Remove the comma after Pelfrey
- and was classified 31st - finishing 31st. More concise, less awkward-sounding
- Take out "due to her driving" - this is self-explanatory.
- Fisher came tenth - Fisher came in tenth
- finishing third - where she finished third - way you have it now, it literally says the season finished third.
- placing - where she placed same reason as above
- After ref 43, change to then finished the race 24th out of 33 drivers - the way it reads now, I thought she qualified ninth then qualified 24th.
- and the first for a woman in American open-wheel racing - , the first time a woman won a pole in American open-wheel racing
- Change ten to 10 - Wikipedia prefers numbers larger than nine to be written as integers
- of her campaign in eighth - of her campaign, placing eighth
- and coming 31st - and coming in 31st
- Change the next sentence to, However, Fisher received enough sponsorship funding at Indianapolis to complete the season. - flows better
- in second - recording the second-fastest time
- Fans voted Fisher IRL's Most Popular Driver Award for the third year in a row - Fans voted Fisher the IRL's Most Popular Driver for the third year in a row.
2004-2007
- for the majority - in the majority
- Place a comma after Afterward
- Drive for Diversity Scheme - change "scheme" to "program" as this more literally conveys what it is
- coming 12th in - coming in 12th in
- before her first - before earning her first
- and by her attending - as well as by attending
- sponsors for sufficient funding - prospective sponsors requesting sufficient funding
- Place a comma after Briscoe
More to come! Great start! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:17, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- to hie her - to hire her
- In the race, Fisher was 16th - Fisher finished the race in 16th - the way you have it now makes it ambiguous as to whether that was her final result
- a two-race points total of 32 and 25th in the drivers' standings - a two-race points total of 32. She finished the year 25th in the driver's standings. Way it is worded now is unclear.
- Although plans were made for Fisher not to compete on road courses - Although Fisher's team did not originally plan for her to compete on road courses
- 15th place at - 15th-place showing at
- finishing 18th position after the event was shortened by rain after 166 laps - finishing 18th in a rain-shortened 166-lap race. That way, you don't use after twice in close proximity.
2008-2010
- funding from fans, and had - take out the comma, not needed
- She qualified in 22nd place; in the race, Fisher was collected by Tony Kanaan after he spun exiting turn three on the 106th lap, finishing 30th. - She qualified in 22nd place. In the race, Fisher was collected by Tony Kanaan after he spun exiting turn three on the 106th lap. She finished 30th. - the way it is worded now, you can't tell whether Fisher or Kanaan finished 30th.
- about not competing in any more - about not being able to compete in any more
- Split the sentence about Kentucky and Chicagoland. End the first part with "battled with Danica Patrick in turn one." Then, start the next sentence, "At Chicagoland, she bruised..."
- Fisher did not contest the entire season due to - She did not race a full schedule due to - The way you have it now makes it look like she did not race at all
- Fisher's participation meant she surpassed the record - With the start, Fisher surpassed the record
- The media voted her to receive the Scott Brayton Award as the driver who - She received the Scott Brayton Award, voted on by the media and presented to the driver who - better grammatically
- The rest of the season was sub-par for Fisher; her year's highest result was a 12th-place finish at Kentucky - Fisher's highest result for the rest of the season was a 12th place finish at Kentucky. - The source doesn't explicitly say sub-par; that's a conclusion that should be left up to the reader. Fortunately, the sentence about her finishing 25th should cover it.
- reported she would - replace "she" with "Fisher," since this is her first mention in the paragraph.
- Take out the comma after Barber Motorsports Park
- her season's first round - her season's first race
- Fisher had her season's best finish was a 15th place at Texas and Chiagoland - Fisher's best finish of the season was 15th, which she attained at Texas as well as at Chicagoland.
- with a 22nd at - with a 22nd-place finish at
- In October 2010, she said she had sacrificed the running of her team because of her status as driver/owner. Fisher subsequently sought a full-time competitor but did not rule out a part-time schedule for herself - In October 2010, she announced she was looking for a full-time driver to replace her because she thought her driving was taking away from her ability to adequately run the team. She left open the possibility that she would still run a part-time schedule the next season.
- raced the No. 67 car - replaced her in the No. 67 car
- This isn't in order with my other comments, but Dale Pelfrey, Belterra Resort Indy 300, 2005 NASCAR West Series, and Whiteland Park Raceway all still need to be unlinked since there is no article on those.
Post-racing career
- an nonpartisan advisory - a nonpartisan advisory
- she watched her - she had watched her
- Newgarden won two races for the team at the 2015 Honda - Newgarden won the 2015 Honda
- and the Honda Indy Toronto, and two more second-place finishes - and the Honda Indy Toronto; he also earned two second-place finishes
- with sponsorship development and worked with - with sponsorship development, working with
- but she was unavailable for all of the races in the 2018 season, and shared the pace-car duties with former driver Oriol Servià - but she shared the pace-car duties with former driver Oriol Servià in 2018, since she was not available for every race
- Since there is no article about Whiteland Raceway Park, include that it is in Indiana for the benefit of readers who do not know where it is. Your source doesn't explicitly state that it's in Indiana, so you can add a source (such as the track's website) that states this if you think it is necessary - I don't think you have to add another source, since the source does say it's in Whiteland, but you can if you'd rather.
Public image and personal life
- She is described - Dave Scheiber of the St. Petersburg Times describes her
- Replace Fisher did not engage in media activities to capitalize on her glamorous viewpoint because of her wholesome personality with Unlike Patrick, Fisher did not promote herself by exploiting her glamorous side, stating "That's definitely not me. It's not my personality." Better conveys the message of those two articles.
- Take out "despite increasing attendance figures at IRL events" - not necessarily related to what is stated here.
- she was named Sports Illustrated's Top 10 - she was included on Sports Illustrated's list of Top 10
- engineering but left because of schedule demands - engineering but leaving before she finished her degree because of schedule demands
- Start the next sentence with "She" instead of "Fisher"
- studying a bachelor's degree - studying for a bachelor's degree
2. Verifiability
- Ref 9 is dead.
- Ref 15 is dead.
- Deleted both of the dead links to leave a bare offline reference
- Update: Reference 15 has a working link to the entry on Newspapers.com
- Should there be a page number for ref 58?
- Added link along with page number
- Unlink The Index Journal for ref 122, since there is no article for it.
3. Depth of Coverage
- I would put the name of Reba Fisher's mother, with a link if she has a Wikipedia article.
- There is no information that states the name of Reba Fisher's mother at present. MWright96 (talk) 10:29, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- That's fine, then. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 14:07, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- There is no information that states the name of Reba Fisher's mother at present. MWright96 (talk) 10:29, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- Does she still drive the safety car in the Indy races? If so, note that she resumed a full-time schedule (or that she continues to split time with Servia). If not, put who replaced her in 2019. If you can find this information - I know it's hard to find articles on minor details like that sometimes.
4. Neutral
5. Stable
6. Illustrations
7. Misc
- In the awards section of External links, "Incumbent" should be changed to "Discontinued," since the award does not seem to have been given out after 2009.
- The official website link doesn't seem to work.
I'll take another look once you address these, but the article should be good to go once these are addressed! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 14:07, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- @Sanfranciscogiants17: Have made changes to the articles based on the comments made above. Note I have added some other information that will need looking at. MWright96 (talk) 18:08, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- It's about ready to pass, but there is something else I need you to address. "and incorrect send a message that she was not committed to NASCAR" - this isn't grammatically correct; additionally, I can't tell what the statement means. Did she skip the 500 to correct a misimpression that she was not committed to NASCAR, or had she incorrectly indicated that she was not committed to NASCAR? Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:04, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- Also, the article still needs to mention (not just in the lead, but in the prose too) that Fisher still drives the pace car. Right now, it looks like she might have stopped driving it after 2018. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:07, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- Please specify that Whiteland Raceway Park is in Indiana. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:08, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- Also, just noticed that in early life, it says Fisher was attending Ohio State University. However, personal life says she attended Butler. To make clearer to the readers what happened, mention when she attended Butler and that this came after her time at Ohio State in the personal life section. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 20:11, 16 May 2020 (UTC)
- Added MWright96 (talk) 09:06, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
- Great work, passing. Nice job once again! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 12:29, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
- Added MWright96 (talk) 09:06, 17 May 2020 (UTC)
- @Sanfranciscogiants17: Have made changes to the articles based on the comments made above. Note I have added some other information that will need looking at. MWright96 (talk) 18:08, 16 May 2020 (UTC)