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Talk:Royce White/GA1

< Talk:Royce White
Latest comment: 12 years ago by JDOG555 in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 12 years ago40 comments2 people in discussion

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: JDOG555 (talk · contribs) 21:06, 25 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

I will be starting the review shorty JDOG555 (talk) 21:06, 25 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

Quick Comments edit

Just some quick comments, the repitive use of "he" is annoying   Done. I noticed some of your sentences are a couple words long and start with "he". The personal life section needs to be expanded. I'll give a full list of comments later JDOG555 (talk) 21:31, 25 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

I have replaced a bunch of the "he"s.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:14, 25 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

Review edit

Okay here is my review, if I am off-base on any of these please tell me.

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

Lead edit

  Disregard
The lead for this article is good only 2 things I would consider changing or removing Lead seems pretty good, can't seem anything wrong with it
  Disregard
  • "He has endured disciplinary issues that have necessitated transfers in both high school and college."
    Is this neccessary? Sounds kinda uneeded to me.
Unless you think it is misleading or POV it should remain, IMO. So much of the text describes the issues at Minnesota, that I can't see how you could summarize the article and not include at least that.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:22, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
  Works for me JDOG555 (talk) 01:42, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
  Disregard
  • "His success at the college and professional level is highly anticipated."
    I would suggest removing this statement, too bias.
This is also a summary of points in the text: 1.) expected NBA first rounder 2.) Big 12 Preseason Newcomeer of the Year. Considering the specific prose it is summarizing, is it still biased?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:25, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
  Works for me JDOG555 (talk) 01:42, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

Infobox edit

High school edit

  • First line "Born in Minneapolis," expand to something like "Born in Minneapolis, White went to DeLaSalle High School for his freshman to junior years. For his senior year, White went to Hopkins High School.   Done
  • He had dozens of collegiate scholarship → He had dozens of collegiate scholarship offers.   Done
  • "During that season White beefed up his weight from approximately 210 pounds (95.3 kg) to about 225 pounds (102.1 kg)."

Is this really needed, I would get remove of it

  • I just can't see how it is really relevant, if you decide to keep it I would suggest changing the wording for "beefed up" JDOG555 (talk) 02:12, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

College edit

  • "White was initially a suspect in a November incident"

What was the incident?

  Disregard
  • "During his time away from basketball, he learned to play the piano."
    Is this relevant or needed?
  • Most sports bios are considered devoid of non-sports content. This helps us round out his personality for the reader.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:50, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
  • Change Because Whtie → Because White   Done
  • Rewrite "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season. The NCAA denied his waiver." to something like "He transferred to Iowa State prior to using any of his athletic eligibility at Minnesota and applied to the NCAA for a waiver to be eligible to play during the 2010–11 NCAA Division I men's basketball season, but his waiver was denied."
  Disregard
  • Move the reference for "Iowa State appealed the decision" at the end of the sentence
    • It belongs where it is. Refs preferably follow punctuation marks, not necessarily at the end of sentences. This is a ref for the first half of the sentence.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:53, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

Personal edit

  • Consider expanding a bit more if possible.
    • I got nothing unless you want the piano/music career stuff here.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:57, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
      • Well it said "While suspended from the team, he spent some of his extracurricular time on his music career." Add some details about his musical career maybe JDOG555 (talk) 02:14, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply
  • "His grandfather, who won a national intramural basketball championship, attended University of Minnesota with Winfield."

Who is his grandfather?

References edit

  Disregard
  • Alot of your references are after a comma, try moving some of them to the end of a sentence.
  • I noticed alot of your references are from the statribune by the same author can you find references from other websites?

Images edit

--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:16, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

GA PASS edit

Congratulations all of my issues have been addressed, your article is now a Good Article! JDOG555 (talk) 04:22, 26 December 2011 (UTC)Reply

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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