Talk:Rikishi/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: OtharLuin (talk · contribs) 14:20, 4 January 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 11:18, 3 August 2024 (UTC)

I'll have a crack at this Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:18, 3 August 2024 (UTC)

General Comments

I'll try to do this all in one sitting, but it's quite long, I might be adding text as I go. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 12:34, 3 August 2024 (UTC)

I've done a bit over half of the prose review. I've found quite a few issues, but they will be pretty easily resolved. I hope you can see some of the issues I've identified (glosses, idioms, concision/redundancy, minor clarity) and do a copyedit of the rest of the article before I continue so that I am not repeating myself. When you ping me that this is completed, I'll continue with the review. Thankyou. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 14:41, 3 August 2024 (UTC)

Helo Rolling, first of all, thank you for taking on this time-consuming rereading. It's true that it's a rather heavy article. I've provided some answers and made the first changes in the body of the article. I look forward to your feedback on the rest of the proofreading. Thanks again! :) - OtharLuin (talk) 10:09, 6 August 2024 (UTC)

Prose and content

Lede

• are heirs to traditions dating less idiomatic
  •  Done
• as it has been in freefall since the 90s redundant, and too dramatic. It has already been noted that the numbers have been declining since the 90s.
  •  Done Simplified.

Terminology

• a priori relevant simplify
  •  Done Rephrased.
• In the old days less colloquial, more specific
  •  Done

History

• Sumo has its origins in traditions already present on the Asian continent awkward, present at the time of founding
  • I tried to develop, let me know if it's ok
• gloss Nihon Shoki
  •  Done
• were introduced at court is this the Heian court or general courts? If it the former it should be preceded with "the".
  •  Done. I was indeed talking about the imperial court.
• as it was Japan's only metropolis at the time → as it had been Japan's only metropolis.
  •  Done
• veritable what does this mean here?
  • Misleading. Iirc, I was trying to say that the wrestlers suites were institutionalized to such an extent that they were comparable to real royal households. It's a weird phrazing, I deleted it.
• put their martial skills put their martial art skills?
  • That's the meaning yes, I added "art" but I still think "martial" was sufficient on its own
• created conflicts over money awkward, "came into conflict over money"?
  •  Done
• You refer to these fighters as wrestlers for most of the article instead of rikishi. Given the terminology section criticises the term wrestler for them, is there a reason for it?
  • It's true, and I've asked myself the same question. The question of the term is raised in two books I've read on the subject of rikishi, so I still think that mentioning this conflict of terms is a good thing for the article. Most press sources on sumo, however, use the term "wrestler", so I've followed that convention, especially as biographies use the term "wrestler" more often.
• In 1684, these movements bore fruit idiom
  •  Done. Rephrased.
• by the name of concise
  •  Done.
• They were allowed to participate as special guests to official tournaments participate in? if not, attend?
  •  Done. To participate in.
• During sumo's first golden age give a time period
  •  Done
• Social movements in sumo did not cease, however this implies their reforms were successful, is this true?
  • Yes it was. It's explained in the continuation of the sentence
• Gloss on ōzeki or yokozuna
  •  Done

Lifestyle

• Change the section heading to just "Lifestyle"
  •  Done
• The life of a rikishi is first and foremost a gravitation of strict rules oriented towards absolute obedience and respect for superiors and seniors What does a "gravitation" mean here?
  • I don't quite understand why I phrased it like that now... I rephrased the sentence.
• that may seem outdated or feudal... in reality editorialising
  • The terms are the one chosen by the source (Cuyler p.138). I've added quotation marks for better understanding.
• defining exactly how a wrestler dresses, how much he earns and how he will be treated by his peers concision, i.e. determining dress, earnings and treatment from peers.
  •  Done.
• (as of January 2024) rearrange sentence, substitute Today
  •  Done.
• In this extremely demanding sport, statistics shows that Redundant
  •  Done. Simplified.
• on behalf of his superior on behalf of the sekitori or tsukebito's superior?
  • On behalf of the sekitori. A sekitori is always the superior of a tsukebito.
• The treatment a wrestler receives in his stable is based exclusively on his ranking Redundant
  •  Done. Rephrased.
• fighting spirit less colloquial
  • It's the term used by the source (Cuyler p.141). I've added quotation marks for better understanding.
• Sekitori-ranked wrestlers always turn up last at training sessions redundant
  • Removed some "training" and rephrased to make it less redundant.
• When the sekitori practice is at its height I had to reread this a few times to understand, reword for clarity
  • Rephrased, the source doesn't go into much detail about what it means by sekitori training, so I prefer to stick to a description close to what the source says.
• The sekitori are served by makushita wrestlers, who are in turn served by sandamme wrestlers, and so on down to the youngest apprentices summarise
  • Rephrased.
• who were up and working before anyone else redundant
  •  Done
• and gone upstairs are all stables multistory?
  • Most of them are. Sumo stables are mostly located in Tokyo's Ryogoku district (in Sumida Ward iirc). Most of them look like small apartment buildings. Nowadays, however, they are appearing in municipalities bordering Tokyo, due to rising prices. I've reworded to reflect this reality, even if the source does mention that you take a nap "upstairs".
• siesta-like redundant
  •  Done
• loincloths over the years what does over the years mean here?
  • Training mawashi are not changed often, so the more time you spend in the sekitori ranks the more yellow-ish your mawashi looks like. Senior sekitori have worned out mawashi yellowed by the years they spent at that rank.
• When wrestlers are ranked as jūryō and above, the sagari are rigid and made from strings of silk, whereas for makushita wrestlers and below, the sagari are dangling and made of cotton. dupe of table content, merge.
  •  Done.

Suggestions

• It has been noted by many authors interested in sumo Better attribution
  •  Done
• didn't MOS:CONTRACTIONS
  •  Done.
• to hold a tournament after proposing a new etiquette associated with tournaments avoid repeating tournaments here. Associated with tournaments may even be redundant.
  •  Done
• Glosses on some Japanese terms such Kibyōshi, daimyo; MOS:FORCELINK
• In recent years, sumo has developed MOS:DATED
  •  Done
• lit. 'ginko-leaf topknot') because it resembles the leaf of the ginkgo tree can you put a wikilink inside the translation? Because it is silly to have the translation repeated immediately after.
  •  Done

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 12:34, 3 August 2024 (UTC)