Talk:Rashid Johnson/GA1

Rashid Johnson GA Review

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Review 1

Lead

He is also known for combining various science with black history so that his materials, which are independently significant, are augmented by their relation to black history

Some kind of ref for "materials, which are independently significant" or delete.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:08, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

FOUND REF--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:17, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

"His work relies on materials and visual sources that stand alone formally, but also have strong ties to African-American history." (Flavorpil)--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:19, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Background

He is a 2000 Bachelor of Fine Arts graduate of Columbia College Chicago and a 2005 Master of Fine Arts graduate of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.[6] His bachelors degree was in the field of photography

Change the sentence so they all in past tense. Also, I think the "degree was in the field of photography" part could be moved to the first part of the sentence about him being "2000 Bachelor of Fine Arts graduate".

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:13, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

He moved to the Lower East Side in New York City after obtaining his Masters degree.[7] In New York, he teaches at the Pratt Institute.

These sentences are too short, and could be combined.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:16, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Thus, the black experience does not need to be defined as aggressively for the contemporary masses. The basic exposure of many to the black experience has enabled him to achieve a deeper race and identity interaction.

Can you explain this part, especially the first sentence? Honestly, I have no idea what this means.

I am trying to say that he grew up in a generation where people saw The Cosby Show and rap music on television. Thus, his audience understood a bit about black culture. If it need further refinement let me know.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:03, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

His art is in the collections of most of these museums.[12] He is represented by art dealers in Milan, Naples, New York City and Chicago.

Again, short sentences.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:18, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Techniques and processes

Johnson uses a variety of natural and supernatural sciences including alchemy, divination, and astronomy to augment black history.

Are you saying he uses supernatural methods? Try to elaborate.

Here is the ref: "Rashid Johnson remixes black history with references to alchemy, divination, astronomy, and other sciences that combine the natural and spiritual worlds." (Flavorpil) --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:16, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Johnson works in a variety of media with physical and visual materials that have independent artistic significance and symbolism but that are augmented by their connections to black history.[11][6] He challenges his viewers with photography and sculpture that present the creation and dissemination of norms and expectations.[6] Despite his unique productions and process, The Chicago Tribune describes his work as lacking complexity or depth.

Instead of saying "Johnson works", "He challenges", you should try "X says he works", "he is described", and so on. Having it the way it is, it's really citing opinion as undeniable fact.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:48, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Also, saying "despite his unique productions and process, The Chicago Tribune describes..." is extremely POV (POV words marked by me).

Also, I think this section can go down below the "career" section.

I kind of think an overview of his methods is a good prelude to a detailing of his career.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:48, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Career

In 2000, some of his early black and white photography work was described as "spectacularly rich" by The New York Times.[18] The Chicago Sun-Times referred to his 2000 collection of portraits of homeless men "stunning."

Then, he exhibited in the notable 2001 Freestyle show.[1][4][20] This show is credited with having launched Johnson's career.

I think the sentences in these sections could be combined.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:55, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Half of the ten were women (four from Taiwan).

Is this needed?

The secondary source made the point and it surprised me. I guess for the fact that it is surprising it has encyclopedic value.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:57, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

In 2006, he exhibited a life-sized photographic nude self-portrait in an ensemble showing entitled Scarecrow that was suppose to be menacing and abrasive, but that was perceived as interesting and amusing.

Who the "he" is is not really clear here. Specify.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:59, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk • contributions) 11:37, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Review 2

Background

Although he is generally referred to as a photographer and sometimes referred to as a sculptor, in certain contexts, he has been referred to as an artist-magician.

You need to elaborate on why he is called "an artist-magician". Because he is one, or what?

In a sense you are asking me for WP:OR. The source really says nothing more. In this paragraph, we can see he is multitalented. I do not believe he is a magician in the true sense of the word. I do not know how to interpret artist-magician, but you can remove the phrase if you like. It may mean that he it so talented that it is magical.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 08:09, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Techniques and processes

The Chicago Tribune describes the productions resulting from his processes as lacking complexity or depth.

Would be good to say "However, " at the start.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:57, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Seattle Post-Intelligencer author Regina Hackett described Johnson as an artist who avoids the struggles of black people and explores their strengths, while inserting himself as subject in his "aesthetic aspirations" through a variety of forums.

Shouldn't it be "writer", not "author" (unless she really has written books)?

Did I really put the word author there? Hmm. fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:57, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Career

The exhibition was described as being as much a cultural commentary as a imagery display. They related to the previous "Chickenbones" exhibit.

Again, short sentences.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 08:02, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

The presentation was as likely to evoke humorous response to the Jackson dashika as well as critical commentary about the presentation of political attire. The presentation invited inspection.

Could be combined.

O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 08:02, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk • contributions) 11:25, 17 February 2009 (UTC)

Final Review

Well, I think this passes the GA standard. Congratulations. Noble Story (talk • contributions) 10:41, 19 February 2009 (UTC)