Talk:Ramsey Dardar/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 22:32, 11 July 2021 (UTC)

I'll give this a review shortly. Wizardman 22:32, 11 July 2021 (UTC)

Source and image review: Tried looking for a free image or something that could potentially be and came up empty unfortunately. As for the sources, everything looks good, everything's appropriately linked and dated. Prose review to follow. Wizardman 22:16, 12 July 2021 (UTC)

Copyright check also came back clean. Hopefully I can review the prose tomorrow. Only note I see on a skim so far if that I'm not convinced the college football seasons need to be split up since they're already relatively short; the headers can probably be removed. Wizardman 01:41, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

I appreciate the feedback. There's no hurry on my end for the rest of it. I also came up empty searching for a free image. On a Google Images search, there's a Sunbeam Bread LSU trading card that strikes me as the kind of card that might have been published without a copyright notice, but I'm not exactly sure how to check for that. Larry Hockett (Talk) 13:10, 16 July 2021 (UTC)

Came across the same pic, and it seems like that group of cards used various stock photos and there's no way of knowing for sure where the original copyrights are on those. For the prose, here's what I found:

• The childhood address thing feels a little odd to me. I'm not sure if there's a way to fine tune it or even if it's fully necessary, though it's an interesting anecdote if nothing else. Granted, I can't think of a better way to reword it, so if you can't either than I won't worry about it.
• This is splitting hairs, but I've never heard nose guard used, only even nose tackle or defensive tackle; is that how it's noted in the sources? (my subscription lapsed otherwise I'd check myself)
• You note his game against Alabama in both the lead and main article but there's no elaboration on it. Any specifics in the sources you can add in?
• "and he agreed to a series of one-year contracts with the team in late June" not entirely sure what this means, usually a one-year contract is just that, one year. Can you clarify?
• " that occurred in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, between May 1989 and May 1990." rm comma
• While not a GA requirement, it wouldn't hurt to make a clip or two on the more featured sources from newspapers.com.

Mostly good overall, on hold until the issues are fixed. Wizardman 01:18, 21 July 2021 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I shortened the bit about the confusion with his hometown(s). I'm not sure I have it quite right, so just let me know if you want me to take out that bit completely. Re: nose guard, I think this was probably the end of the era where that term was used. The first reference to it actually used defensive tackle, so I changed it. A couple of paragraphs later, when it's discussing his position change on the line, the sources (currently refs #13 and #14) use nose guard to distinguish the position from the right and left tackles, so I left those mentions in for now.

Re: the Alabama game, I was reading too fast. Dardar was describing it as his best game, but no independent sources really single him out as doing anything extraordinary. The whole defense dominated. I took the "one of his best games" stuff out of the lead and mentioned in the body that the whole front seven was named AP defensive lineman of the week. I beefed up some of the info on his senior year.

Re: the contracts - from what I'm reading, a series of one-year contracts is similar to a one-year contract with a team option for several more years; the team has the control to cut ties with the player after each year. I don't know if I fully understand it, so I just went with wording similar to what the source used. See here (under #3) for a discussion of something similar that was given to Kyle Van Noy in the modern era. I can't find a source that spells it out like that for Dardar's situation though. I can simplify the wording to "agreed to terms with Dardar" or "signed Dardar" or something if you think it's distracting.

On the comma after Louisiana, I just put it there to be consistent with MOS:GEOCOMMA, but I think sometimes it can make a sentence look weird. I can take it out or we can take out Louisiana, as I suspect most people know where Baton Rouge is.

I'll definitely make a few clippings on Newspapers.com. I was reluctant to do that because the username on my account gives away too much of my identity, but I figured out how to change my username a bit ago. I appreciate your thoughts on the entry. Let me know what else I can improve. It is definitely a unique experience writing in depth about an athlete with such a short pro career. Larry Hockett (Talk) 04:37, 21 July 2021 (UTC)

Everything looks good now, so I'm passing the article Wizardman 01:48, 24 July 2021 (UTC)