Talk:Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: AdrianGamer (talk · contribs) 03:03, 6 July 2015 (UTC)

Comments

• It was been re-released on PlayStation 3 alongside its two sequels. - you don't need "been" there
• Mechner served as creative consultant, designer, and scenario writer. - The original Prince of Persia, or The Sands of Time?
• he needed to work hard to create an appealing yet simple narrative that worked with the pace of gameplay - Can be rephrased so that it can sound more neutral
• The game used Ubisoft's Jade engine, originally designed for Beyond Good & Evil, another game developed by the company. - change "developed" to "published"

Gameplay

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. - Not a complete sentence
• The camera also goes out to different positions triggered by entering environments or performing actions - "goes out" is not the best word to use here. "Environments" does not sound specific enough
• His health and power metre is represented in the top left-hand corner of the screen. - should be "are" instead of "is".
• finding hidden magic fountains increases the Prince's health - You can increase health by only "finding" it? Do you need to do more to regain health?
• During several points in the game, the Prince is assisted by his companion Farah, who will fire a bow at enemies - "fires" - present tense
• Farah, who will fire a bow at enemies - "arrows" instead of "bow".
• though she can also hit the Prince if he strays into her line of fire. - she can't hit the prince, her arrows can.
• if she is killed, the game will end. - "ends". It is something always happening
• The Prince's main contextual move is a wall run - Personal opinion, not compulsory, but I would prefer "wall-running" instead of "a wall run"
• walking along beams swinging on and jumping from poles, jumping onto and between pillars, - You need a comma after "beams"
• Enemies can only be killed by stabbing them with the Dagger of Time, which gathers up the Sand inside them - Should be "sands" - consistency with the lead
• In combat, the Prince can also slow time immediately around him, - should be "slow down time"
• while they are unable to move. - Personal opinion, not compulsory, but I prefer "respond" instead of "move"
• Is the time-freezing part related to the Dagger as well?
• These more powerful abilities are powered by Power Tanks. - What abilities it is referring to
• The mobile version is a side-scrolling runner - should specify that it is an endless runner.
• featuring simple puzzles and traps that must be avoided. - The puzzles are avoided as well?

Development

• The initial concept work for The Sands of Time began development in the spring of 2001 - Change it to "The development of the initial concept work for The Sands of Time began in the second quarter of 2001. Also per WP:SEASON, season should not be used
• The game was developed by Ubisoft Montreal, who were also a year into developing Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell. - Ubisoft Montreal is a company, so it should be "was" instead of "were"
• Helper characters also count as a "main characters"?
• Their intent was the capture the original feeling of platforming an adventure in a 3D environment. - Change it to "They intend to capture ..." - sounds simpler and easier to read
• The Rewind function was suggested by Désilets - Who is Désilets? The article never mention his job post
• Each time a new action was created for the Prince - should use "ability" instead of "action"
• They also needed to make adjustments to the enemy and partner AI - wikilink AI to artificial intelligence, or to use "artificial intelligence" to replace "AI"
• This issue was compounded by the need to produce a demo for the 2003 Electronic Entertainment Expo - wikilink Electronic Entertainment Expo 2003
• Despite these problems, other parts of production including play-testing, management of creative tools, and the integrated testing system. - Not a complete sentence
• the team made improvements to the engine by adding additional animations between walking and running - Change it to "by adding additional walking and running animations". It sounds simpler
• They also made custom animations for the character - A full stop is needed.
• gave the lightning effects a more "magical" feel - more is not necessary. Nothing is being compared to
• The game used an updated version of the company's Jade Engine - Jade engine. The engine's name is Jade only
• Despite this, many of the features planned for her needed to be cut - Any examples? Any explanation why it is cut?
• while not being not pure Persian music - Double negative, and it hinders reading
• Tracks from the game were included in an album featuring from both The Sands of Time and its two sequels - It had plenty of sequels, so which one?
• the album was released by Ubisoft Entertainment - Ubisoft only, you do not need to wikilink it.
• with the rest being done in Montreal. - Should specify that it was done by the developer, so it should be "Ubisoft Montreal"
• To make the enemies in the game stand out, mixing an organic and evil feeling with whispering sounds, rather than using sound effects similar to zombies. - Does not sound like a complete sentence
• whose performance proved popular - Should be written in passive voice, "was proven popular"
• The track listing is not notable enough to be included per Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Video games/Archive 106#Soundtrack listings

Release

• The sales part is something related to the reception of the game
• The game was published in the region by Sony Computer Entertainment Japan, who were impressed with both the quality and the praise it earned in the west - impressed "by" instead of "with"
• the PS2 version had sold 218,000, the Xbox version 128,000, and the GameCube version 85,000. - You should add "copies" by the end of that sentence
• As of 2006, the game has apparently sold 700,000 units, - "apparently" is not needed

Reception

• Add "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time received critical acclaim upon launch" before the first sentence
• Edge is not in the review template
• Whether you're a diehard Prince of Persia fan or somebody with a mild interest in action-adventures, The Sands of Time is a must own -- a soon-to-be-classic worthy of a permanent place in your collection - italicized Prince of Persia and The Sands of Time.
• Official Nintendo Magazine ranked it the 86th best game available on Nintendo platforms - When?

References/Images

• One of the external links is dead
• No problem with the images

Overall

• 73.4% copyright violation, but it is not much of a problem since the only similarity between the sources and the article is the game's name

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

   B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and y:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. Has an appropriate reference section:

   B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

A great article. Really impressive job in expanding this article. It is very comprehensive, and most importantly, very interesting and engaging to read. Basically everything I mention above is just some minor issues. So, besides some incomplete sentences, the article is good to go. Feel free to raise any question and forgive me if I had made some mistakes. I am not really good at proofreading so if I introduce any grammatical errors in the review, I hope you do not mind that. AdrianGamer (talk) 06:57, 9 July 2015 (UTC)

@AdrianGamer:, I have addressed all the issues you raised above, and looking at the Copyvio Detector, I've also addressed a couple of the more glaring issues. Also addressed spelling errors and unintentional issues with the article's neutrality that you did not pick up. On a side note about your question on time powers, yes all time powers are associated with the dagger: without the dagger, the prince does not have access to them, but this seemed a little too detailed for a gameplay section and it only happens during a few small sections, so I left it out. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:00, 9 July 2015 (UTC)

With all issues fixed, the article is good to go. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time promoted to . Nice job. AdrianGamer (talk) 08:07, 9 July 2015 (UTC)