Talk:Paul Ray Smith/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jackyd101 (talk) 02:12, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi there, I have reviewed this article against the Wikipedia:good article criteria and I am not quite prepared to pass the article for GA at this stage. I have listed below the principle problems which prevent this article from achieving GA status. The article now has seven days to address these issues, and should the contributors disagree with my comments then please indicate below why you disagree and suggest a solution, compromise or explanation. Further time will be granted if a concerted effort is being made to address the problems, and as long as somebody is genuinely trying to deal with the issues raised then I will not fail the article. I am aware that my standards are quite high, but I feel that an article deserves as thorough a review as possible when applying for GA and that a tough review process here is an important stepping stone to future FAC attempts. Please do not take offence at anything I have said, nothing is meant maliciously and if anyone feels aggrieved then please notify me at once and I will attempt to clarify the comments in question. Finally, should anyone disagree with my review or eventual decision then please take the article to WP:GAR to allow a wider selection of editors to comment on the issues discussed here.

I have to say that I am not impressed and came close to failing this outright. Large swathes are copy and pasted directly from the US Army website here complete with typographical and grammar errors. This plagarisim is not only unethical but it is also lazy (and I really hope that you haven't done the same thing with the book sources or it is illegal as well). A lot of work needs doing before this article can be promoted.--Jackyd101 (talk) 02:12, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

Issues preventing promotion

• It is reasonably well written.

  a (prose): b (MoS):

• In the lead, name the President (I know it was Bush, but future readers may not know that automatically).

• Done --Kumioko (talk) 11:23, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• "as a child enjoyed sports especially football, cats, skateboarding, riding bicycles, and playing pranks with friends and his younger sister Lisa" - A 2 second google search revealed that this is copied straight off the US Army website. While not a copyright violation, this is plagarism and lazy writing - It doesn't even make sense for goodness sake! "Cats" are not a sport! Neither are playing pranks. Rephrase this so that it is a)

not a copy and paste and b) actually makes sense. Also link the terms, particularly football, which means different things on different continents.

• Done --Kumioko (talk) 11:30, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

• "He was sent" - Don't call Smith "he" or "him" or "his" the first time he is mentioned in a paragraph. Name him.
• The list of awards has been copied from the army website complete with typographical errors. Tidy it up.

• Done - I think its ok now. --Kumioko (talk) 03:29, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• Link middle school: non-Americans won't know what this is (I don't).

• Done --Kumioko (talk) 03:29, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• The USS Freedom information is in twice. Cut one mention but make sure all of the detail is retained.

• Done --Kumioko (talk) 03:29, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• It is factually accurate and verifiable.

  a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

• "Later, he served during the Persian Gulf War." - How did he do that five years after the war ended?

• It is broad in its coverage.

  a (major aspects): b (focused):

• Expand the lead a bit - where was he fighting and in what capacity when he won the MoH (i.e. near airport and defending a field hospital)?
• "He liked to collect things from the sea such as rocks and marbles." - Again, this is a copy and paste job. So what? What possible bearing on his future notability did this have? Why are marbles in the sea? Explain this sentence and rephrase the ones above it so they aren't so repetative (even . . . even).

• Done --Kumioko (talk) 11:23, 6 April 2010 (UTC)

• What really irritates me, is that there are actually some nice quotes about him on the page you have copy and pasted from that you have failed to include at all. Take a look and see if they can be partially incorporated into the article in some way.

• It follows the neutral point of view policy.

  a (fair representation): b (all significant views):

• You use the word "enemy" a lot - although it is fine within context, perhaps try replacing it with other terms (i.e. Iraqi) where appropriate.

• It is stable.

  

• It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.

  a (tagged and captioned): b (lack of images does not in itself exclude GA): c (non-free images have fair use rationales):

• Overall:

  a Pass/Fail:

Leave a note here when this is ready for reassessment.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:45, 11 April 2010 (UTC)

Is this ready or not? I note that the Persian Gulf War problem has still not been addressed. You have until Monday 26 April to address any remaining issues or I will fail this article. Regards--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:04, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

No further action since I posted the above warning, so I am afraid that this article has failed its GA review. If you feel I was in any way unfair, please take your complaints to WP:GAR. --Jackyd101 (talk) 17:48, 27 April 2010 (UTC)