Talk:Parental rights movement/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Bobby Cohn (talk · contribs) 14:53, 6 June 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: FishLoveHam (talk · contribs) 18:23, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this! FishLoveHam (talk) 18:23, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Excellent, can't wait for your review! Bobby Cohn (talk) 18:38, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

Lead

• A lot of single-sentence paragraphs. Consider combining some to make the lead look a bit cleaner. My recommendations: Add "Additionally, the parental rights movement..." into the second paragraph and the last two can be merged and reworded into one sentence.

   Done, though alternatively. Worth a recheck as I went what I thought went together, which were generals aims/goals, and then start/spread/reaction. Open to further remarks. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:16, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• "preventing" → "to prevent".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:01, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Add a comma after "without disclosing to".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:01, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• Capitalise "governor".

   Done, also done throughout the article, with respect to other Governors as well, and in image caption. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:01, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• After "LGBT activists", ref 7 is shown before ref 4.

   Reordered. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:04, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• "indoctrination" → "the indoctrination".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:04, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• The word "abusive" doesn't feel right given the article's content, maybe "homophobic" or "unaccepting".

   Done: "unaccepting". Bobby Cohn (talk) 23:16, 26 September 2024 (UTC)

• I'll take a closer look at this when we examine sources, but this lead possibly violates WP:LEADFOLLOWSBODY as refs 5, 6, 8, 9, and 10 are all used once. 5 and 6 are passable, but no mention of the content discussed in 8, 9, and 10 in the body of the article is a problem as it is a key concern of this bill.

Definition

• "The phrase "parental rights" ... affiliations" This doesn't add to the definition and seems a little biased, it can be cut.
• "The modern ... similar movement in the 1990s" What movement? This could use a little more explanation. Also this sentence can be merged into the rest of the previous paragraph.
• I think to warrant its own subheading, the media responses section could be expanded a bit. There are many interpretations of this movement and this section could use more viewpoints.

United States

• LaToya Baldwin Clark is a red link.

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "at least the 1990s" reword.
• "...led to many conservative Christian parents" remove "to".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "In 2022, the US state of Florida ... government reach into schools" Merge into one paragraph, also add citations after sentences using quotes.
• Capitalise "senator".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• Capitalise "governor".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• In the lead, "Don't Say Gay" is italicised and here it is quoted.

   Done. Italicized throughout. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

Canada

• "At the time" remove and attribute the quote "parental rights clause".
• "home schooling" → "homeschooling".

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "introduced policy" → "introduced a policy"

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "by Wab Kinew's New Democratic Party." No citation after the paragraph ends.

   Added citation. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:40, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "— and" remove the space.

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "schools should leave LGBT issues to parents" reword, reads a little informally.

Europe

• Remove red links.

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "as Irish" → "as the Irish"

   Done. Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:32, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

Impact on LGBT children

• This section's title would be more appropriate if named "Impact on LGBT youth", as teenagers are more likely to be impacted by this bill.

   Done, I really like this suggestion! Bobby Cohn (talk) 00:44, 27 September 2024 (UTC)

• "A result of parental rights-focused policies is that forcibly outing individuals can exacerbate issues such as depression, anxiety, and self-esteem problems, potentially leading to long-term emotional scars and negatively impacting their overall quality of life." feels repetitive as the previous sentence talked about similar topics. Merge the sentences if possible.

@Bobby Cohn: These are my initial comments, ping me when you've addressed them. FishLoveHam (talk) 20:49, 26 September 2024 (UTC)