Wikipedia

Talk:Only Girl (In the World)/GA3

< Talk:Only Girl (In the World)
Latest comment: 12 years ago by Calvin999 in topic GA Review

GA Review edit

Latest comment: 12 years ago18 comments3 people in discussion
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: I Help, When I Can. [12] 00:19, 10 July 2011 (UTC) Hello! Gonna do this in chronological order now. P.S. I'm human, so I make mistakes. If I to, simply say "Not Done" and state which policy says otherwise. Let's do this... I Help, When I Can. [12] 00:19, 10 July 2011 (UTC)Reply

Review comments edit

The following section of this reivew is closed
Article wide
  • You have a dead link (Check here).
    • It says Ref 87 is dead, but when you go to ref 87 on the article, it worked fine. It says "Media Control" on the link checker which is the German one, but that one works fine too. So I don't actually get which link is dead. Calvin • 999
      • Checked it out. There's something wrong with the tool. Look 86 doesn't match up to what it says in Checklinks. Oh well.
Lead
  • ""Only Girl (In the World)" is a song by Barbadian recording artist..." → "Barbadian" does not need to be linked.
  • "The song was released as the album's lead single on September 10, 2010 through Def Jam Recordings." → Do you have any references to prove this? The Radio add and release history section sources The Island Def Jam Music Group.
  • "It was written by Crystal Johnson, Norwegian production duo Stargate and Sandy Vee, and produced by Stargate and Vee." → The wording bothers me, but it is not a big deal.
    •   Not done How would you like to see it worded? Calvin • 999
  • ""Only Girl (In the World)" debuted at number seventy-five on the Billboard Hot 100..." → Since you are mentioning other countries in this paragraph, somehow indicate that the Billboard Hot 100 is the United States chart.
  • "The song also reached number one in many countries, which included Australia, Ireland, Italy, Poland, Norway and the United Kingdom, as well as peaking at number one on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Songs and Pop Songs charts." I used the colors to separate the two ideas in this sentence. Before this sentence there is a mention of the Billboard charts. I want you to switch these two ideas so that the Billboard stuff is together.
  • "The song also reached number one in many countries, which included..." → "The song also reached number one in other countries, including..."
  • "...as well as peaking at number one on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Songs and Pop Songs charts." → "...as well as peaking at number one on the Billboard Hot Dance Club Songs and Pop Songs charts."
  • "The song's accompanying music video was directed by Anthony Mandler and was filmed outside of Los Angeles." → "The song's accompanying music video was directed by Anthony Mandler and was filmed outside of Los Angeles." using "film" Past tense is enough to say that is was in the past. No need for the "was".
Background and composition
  • If you are going to include background and composition in one section, at least make two paragraphs. It's a blob of information. This must be done before I review the section further.
  • "'Only Girl (In the World)' was released as the lead single from Rihanna's fifth studio album, Loud, and premiered on Ryan Seacrest's radio show, On Air with Ryan Seacrest, on September 7, 2011." → This is about the release, not about the background and composition.
  • I'm not sure if they are (you will probably have to check your sources to find out), but if Tor Erik Hermansen and Erik Hermansen are the same person, you need to make this clear in this section.
    •   Done They are the same person, I just forget to put "Tor". Calvin • 999
Background
  • No need for citation #2.
  • Same as above with Sandy Wilhelm and Sandy Vee.
  • "...with regard to "Only Girl (In the World)" and "Loud"" → No quotations on Loud.
  • "During a webchat with her fansite RihannaDaily, Rihanna stated that she wanted to take the next step in the evolution of herself, with regard to "Only Girl (In the World)" and "Loud", and not make a re-make of her third album, Good Girl Gone Bad (2007)." → This implies she said the thing about GGGB in the webchat, which is not proven in the sources.
    • "She added: "I didn’t want to go backward and remake Good Girl Gone Bad. I wanted the next step in the evolution of Rihanna, and it’s perfect for us."" It is in the source given. Calvin • 999
  • "...and Rihanna chose it for inclusion on the album prior to having heard it." → The source says before she recorded it.
  • "...and not make a re-make..." → Bad wording.
Composition
  • Citation #6 is useless right here. It doesn't prove this particular statement. Move it down to the next instance.
  • "Stargate and Sandy Wilhelm (under her stage name Sandy Vee) produced the song, which features "heavy whipping bass" with strong use of synths, while the chorus of the song incorporates a "strobing, dance club beat"." → "Stargate and Sandy Wilhelm (under her stage name Sandy Vee) produced the song,. which It features "heavy whipping bass" with and the strong use of synths, while the chorus of the song incorporates a "strobing, dance club beat"." This is one of those drawn out sentences I was talking about. Do a read through and check for them.
  • "Brad Wete, a reviewer for The Music Mix at Entertainment Weekly..." → Entertainment Weekly is a magazine. It needs italics.
  • "...described Rihanna's vocals as "seductive" and reminiscent..." → No need for quotes around "seductive".
Critical reception
  • "Gerrick D. Kennedy of Los Angeles Times..." → "Gerrick D. Kennedy of the Los Angeles Times..."
  • "He continued to say, "After taking a more macabre approach to her fourth disc, Rated R, she's gone in a decidedly more 'sassy, fun, flirty [and] energetic' direction", and concluded that "With its club ready bassline and Euro-pop influences, not to mention one heck of an epic chorus, the track is a surefire hit."" → This is unnaturally long.
    •   Done This section is finished now. Calvin • 999
Awards
  • You can't give any commentary on the Grammy Award instead of just creating a chart?
    • I have been previously told that it is not necessary. Plus, it wouldn't be notable of it's own section or sub-section, being about than a line or two long. A chart works well here I think. I tried making a paragraph about the awards for the song before, but due to a lack of sources or reliable sources, I couldn't publish it. Calvin • 999
      • Google and try to find more awards if you can. I just can't believe that prose cannot be developed for such a prestigious award. You will not be penalized for this, though...
        • I've added in the info which i wrote about 3 weeks ago, which I was told to remove. It's prose about the Grammys. I can't include anything about the MTV VMA Japan awards because there are literally no sources to support her one win out of two. Calvin • 999
Chart performance
  • "It was the first time in the chart's history that an album's lead single reached number one after the second single." → Make it clear what the second single was. This can be accomplished by a simple ", What's My Name."
  • You do not need to make it clear what the lead single was. It has already been established earlier in the article that "Only Girl" is the lead single.
  • Link "What's My Name", considering that this is the articles first occurrence outside of the infobox.
    • No it's not, look in the Lead. Calvin • 999
      • Still link it. Sometimes you must link things twice because the two mentions are paragraphs apart.
        • Nevermind. Instance in "Live performances" is linked.
  • "In Canada..." This is the perfect time to start a new paragraph.
  • I think that you need to list What country charts "Only Girl" charted on.
    • It's long enough already. Listing ten other countries will look messy, if people want to know where it charted in Scotland, then they can look in the Charts section below. Calvin • 999
  • "The song held the position for a total of three weeks before being replaced by Pink's, "Raise Your Glass"." Who cares what the song was replaced by?
  • "The song has since been certified Platinum by the for shipments of 600,000 units by the British Phonographic Industry (BPI)." Find the mistake. Fix it. Looks like the sentence got lost in translation.
Music video
  • The first two paragraphs could be split into a "Background and synopsis" while the last paragraph can go under "Reception".
    •   Done Yeah I misread what you said. Calvin • 999
Background and synopsis
  • This section does not mention the flowers from the lead section. Just add it down here (You don't need to find a citation for it; synopsis doesn't need citations, although they are helpful).
  • You should add a music video image here. Make sure that it is unique.
Reception
  • Did this vid get a VMA (or at least nom)?
    No, it didn't. And the show hasn't even happened yet. Calvin • 999 22:59, 26 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
Live performances
  • "...as well as featuring in a skit performance on the show." Needs better wording. Also link skit.

  Done Calvin • 999

  • "Rihanna performed the song at the MTV Europe Music Awards 2010 in Madrid, Spain, on November 7, 2010, where she was surrounded by flowers on a set which resembled that of a fairytale,[53] in addition to performing on The X Factor in Italy on November 9, 2010, which featured Rihanna wearing a red pig-tail wig and a flowered bikini,[54] as well as performing on Le Grand Journal in France on November 10, 2010." Long sentences... CHECK THEM.

  Done Calvin • 999

  • "On November 11, 2010, Rihanna appeared on a pre-recorded taping of The Graham Norton Show in the United Kindgom, where the singer gave an interview and sung "Only Girl"." → Suggested wording:"On November 11, 2010, a pre-recorded taping of The Graham Norton Show in the United Kindgom aired, featuring an interview with Rihanna, along with a performance of the song."

  Done Calvin • 999

Radio add and release history
  • Format column → The first use of "digital download" should be linked instead of the latter. The latter should also have the same capitalization as the former (Digital download).
  • Why are citations [136][137] in the Date column when all of the others are in the Country column?
Article wide
  • Since a portion of the song's title is in parentheses, you can drop out that part in subsequent uses of the title. I suggest this.
    • Do you mean just saying "Only Girl" throughout the article? I did that but a User can gone through and added (In the World) to everything. Calvin • 999
      • Yes. I'm telling you that it is ok.
  • The single cover needs alt text.
    • Needs what? Calvin • 999
      • http://toolserver.org/~dispenser/view/Altviewer
        • I don't know what you mean by this. Calvin • 999
          • Wikipedia:Alternative text for images.
            • Yeah I still don't get what I need to do lol Calvin • 999
              • You read that policy/essay and you still don't know what to do? Ok. Add |alt= to all images in the article and describe them in this parameter. Eg: "|alt=Rihanna is kneeling in the middle of a field. She looks off into the distance. She is naked, covering herself with a a red fabric."
                •   Done I've added it now but nothing looks any different on the article, I assume it is hidden? Calvin • 999
                  • Yes. Did you add alt text to all images?
                    • Yesss. Calvin • 999
                      • Use complete sentences in the alt property. Look at {{Infobox single}} to see the alt parameter for the cover image. Look at your image captions. If it isn't a complete sentence, do not add a period. If it is, use a period.
  • Watch out for extending sentences for miles with commas.
  • It is almost an impossible task, but try to add some stability to the article. I don't care how (semi-protection, reviewed changes) but do it.
    • It doesn't matter about the edit history if it is for GAN, that's to be expected. There is no way I'd get protection for this article, because there is no vandalism Calvin • 999
      • Article stability is a criteria. This will be considered in the final review.
        • Well, it's not as if there is any edit warring or loads of IP users editing the article whilst I am. It's basically just me making edits, you're gonna have that when so many changes need to be done. There is no way this article would achieve article protection, I know they wouldn't allow it. Calvin • 999
          • Just checked. It's ok now. The grade on stability isn't only limited to IP edits and edit wars. It is also includes numerous users making new edits, you understand me? Like the article is not at a stable place to be graded.
Lead
  • Lead does not mention critical reception
Background
  • It's Rihanna Daily.
  • Unneeded linking of StarGate along with unnecessary CamelCase.
    •   Done What is CamelCase? Calvin • 999
      • Hmm... Think of a camel... think of the word case (lowercase, uppercase)... now look at the spelling. CamelCase.
        •   Done This section is finished now. Calvin • 999
Composition
  • Add the product number to the Musicnotes citation. Also, double check your publishers.
  • Citation #8 needs to be added to the aforementioned sentence.
    •   Done Calvin • 999
      • Let me clarify. I meant the EW cite and the AOL cite. Both of them. (This sentence, "...the song incorporates a "strobing, dance club beat".")
        •   Done I think I've done what you wanted, just moving the sources backward? Calvin • 999
Track listing
  • Citation #65 goes straight to store. Try 7digital.
    • Where am I putting 7digital?? Calvin • 999
      • Replace the iTunes citation with one from 7digital that conveys the same information.
        • Whatttttt? I don't get what you want me to do. What exactly am I removing and what exactly am I adding?? Calvin • 999
Radio add and release history
  • Link first instance of "CD single".
External links
  • Add the X Factor performance from their official YouTube channel.
    •   Done Calvin • 999
      • Why on earth would I ask you to link the performance video of "What's My Name?" on an article about "Only Girl (In the World)"? LOL. PS. You must use the official YouTube channel only.
        • Oh fuck. Haha!! Okay well I can't add it in then because the 'TheXFactorUK' channel doesn't have it anymore. Calvin • 999
  • Comment I think the first paragraph in the lead could be a little more informative. Something about the song's background should definitely be mentioned. Maybe that Rihanna requested an uptempo song, as opposed to the midtempo Rated R, and chose to include it on the album before recording it? Pancake (talk) 22:45, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
    I don't think that would make it flow like how it already does. How would you phrase it? I'd put it in the first paragraph if I were to include that. Calvin • 999 22:51, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
    Maybe "It was the first song to be completed for the album and Rihanna chose to include it before she had recorded it"? Pancake (talk) 23:04, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
    I re-worded it slightly, go have a look. Calvin • 999 23:12, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
    Well done. I don't think it messes up the flow :) Pancake (talk) 23:22, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
    Lol, thanks and thank you. Yeah, I didn't know whether to follow on from the genre, but I didn't think that would flow. It works better as a separate sentence. Calvin • 999 23:28, 27 July 2011 (UTC)Reply

I'll finish up the point's you don't understand, then the formal review. I Help, When I Can.[12] 00:25, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply

The only point left to do is the 7Digital thing. Then everything is done. Calvin • 999 00:29, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
If you can see the comment in white, it is not done. I Help, When I Can.[12] 00:36, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
What on earth is a period in the literary sense?? What even is the point of this? I made S&M a GA and not once in the 3 GANs or the Peer Review was I told to add this. Calvin • 999 00:41, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
If your British, I mean full stop. I include this with the caption criterea. I'll do it since your being so pissy about it. I Help, When I Can.[12] 00:44, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply
You might need to do you edits regarding that again because you edit conflicted me and I am not going through changing every single "Only Girl (In the World)" to "Only Girl" again. Calvin • 999 00:56, 28 July 2011 (UTC)Reply


Formal review edit

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  
Add topic
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Only_Girl_(In_the_World)/GA3&oldid=1142331237"