Talk:Nyuserre Ini/GA1
Latest comment: 7 years ago by Iry-Hor in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 16:14, 3 January 2017 (UTC)
I'll be happy to give this a review. JAGUAR 16:14, 3 January 2017 (UTC)
- Thanks, that's great, I am looking forward to your comments! Iry-Hor (talk) 16:22, 3 January 2017 (UTC)
Initial comments edit
Lead edit
- I note that this article is in American English, so I'll keep that in mind and will look out for any inconsistencies!
- "a move which may have been an attempt to legitimate his rule" - shouldn't this be legitimize?
- "In Nyuserre's case however, this official, that is state-sponsored cult, existed for very long" - reads a tad awkward, how about In Nyuserre's case however, this official—albiet state-sponsored cult—existed for very long. I'm not so sure about this, so feel free to change or ignore
- "seems to have continued until the New Kingdom period" - link New Kingdom of Egypt
- The lead summarises the article in accordance to WP:LEAD, so no issues there
Body edit
- "dying unexpectedly after a very short reign of about 2 years" - two years
- "scholars such as Nigel Strudwick traditionally credited Nyuserre with 11 years of reign" - 11 years (I usually write out smaller numbers in prose, but I don't know if '11' or '12' is the limit)
- "showing him participating in a Sed festival" - is 'Sed' meant to be italicised? I noticed that it is italicised in the header ("Nyuserre's Sed festival"). The Sed festival article doesn't use italics
- " Mere depictions of the festival do not necessarily imply a long reign however, [note 9]" - extra space before the note
- "and that "the sed-festival scenes from Abu Gurab [most probably reflect] the 30th jubilee of the king's accession to the throne"[17]" - missing full stop
- "Interestingly, the reliefs of Nyuserre Sed festival" - Nyuserre's Sed festival
- "To the extreme south of Egypt, in Lower Nubia" - is 'lower' meant to be capitalised here?
- " to the west or the Sinai and Palestine to the East during his reign" - not sure why east is capitalised
- Sun Temple of Nyuserre Ini is a red link, so it might be worth getting rid of it
- "Remarkably, on this relief both Khentkaus and Nyuserre appear on the same scale" - sounds a tad informal
- "Taken together these seals reveal that, at the very least, Menkauhor and Djedkare did not perceive Nyuserre as an antagonist." - needs a citation
- "manifested by the dedication of statues and the compilation of lists of kings to be honoured" - this too, needs a citation. And also honored, to stay consistent with American English
- The ref link Abusir and Saqqara in the Year 2000 is dead (I think)
This is a truly excellent article! It is well written, comprehensive, and all of the sources check out. These are minor prose nitpicks, so I'll be happy to promote this once all are clarified. It was also enjoyable to read. JAGUAR 16:11, 4 January 2017 (UTC)