Talk:Not All the Beautiful Things/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 19:08, 19 August 2018 (UTC)

• Starting a review. Aoba47 (talk) 19:08, 19 August 2018 (UTC)

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Lead and infobox

• Please add ALT text for the infobox image.
• References are normally discouraged for the lead and infobox unless it is controversial information. None of the information currently cited in the lead and the infobox is particularly controversial, and it all should be included in the body of the article with the appropriate citations.
• The information on the genres should be cited in the body of the article. Same goes for the record label.
• In the infobox, you say that the album was recorded between the years 2014 and 2018, but it is not included or cited in the body of the article. If this information does not have a citation, then it needs to be removed.
• The article on What So Not refers to it as a “musical project”, but the opening sentence of the lead makes it sound like “What So Not” is just an alternative name for Emerson. Wouldn’t it be better to revise the opening sentence of the lead to the following (Not All the Beautiful Things is the debut album by Australian music project What So Not, which consists of Chris Emerson.) to clarify this matter? I am just confused about this for most of the article. I would also make the second half of the sentence on the release date and record label into its own sentence.
• For this sentence (Emerson began his work on the album after completing an intense six-year long global touring period, which had left him unable to commit fully to a studio album.), I would remove “his” from “his work”, and I would make “intense six-year long global tour period” to “six-year global tour period”.
• For this sentence (His frequent travels influenced the sound design of many tracks in the album, including "Beautiful" and “Us”.), you can just say “sound” instead of “sound design”.
• I have two comments about this sentence (The record's title was named after the "important" things which are ignored by people who focus only on their grandiose ideas.). Please clarify who is saying this; was this something that Emerson said, someone else who worked on the album, or a critic? I would also paraphrase the “important” quote.
• For this part ( It featured collaborations with a wide range of artists), I would say “features” as the album will always feature these collaborations and thus should be in the present tense.
• I have two comments for this sentence (The album received generally positive reviews from music critics who praised the featuring guests and production quality.). Please put a comma after “critics” and I would say “features” or “featured artists” rather than “featuring guests”.
• I would see if you could divide the lead into two paragraphs as it is an awkward length right now.
• For this part (The record included three singles), I would use “includes” rather than “included”.

Background and development

• Please link “What So Not” on the first time that you mention it in the body of the article.
• When you first mention “extended play”, please add (EP) after its first use to make the acronym clear to an unfamiliar reader.
• I am a little confused the chronology of the first paragraph. I have never heard of this album or group prior to reading this article. I think that moving this sentence (Emerson had previously released four EPs under What So Not, three which was co-produced with Australian artist Flume before his departure from the project.) to the front would be helpful.
• I am not sure if all of the quotes in the first paragraph are necessary.
• You use the word “encounter” twice in the context of cultures. I would revise this to avoid it.
• The prose for this section could use work. I would put in a request for a copy-edit here. I think that this section as a whole needs work to read more cohesively.
• I do not really see how the Toto quotebox is relevant to this article. It is not really about the album at all.

Promotion

• This section is only about the tour so I either rename it to “Tour” or add more information about other promotional strategies done for the album.

Critical reception

• I would give more a structure to this section as it currently appears like a rather random assormtnet of critics and their opinions. I would look to Wikipedia:Copyediting reception sections for information on how to do this.

Commercial performance

• You will need to include information on the album’s commercial performance in the prose as either a separate “Commercial performance” section or combine it with the “Critical reception” section for a “Reception” section.

References

• Avoid WP:Shouting for Reference 3.

External links

• I would add a link to the discogs page.

Final comments

• I can tell that a lot of work has been put into this article, but I think that a thorough copy-edit is needed for this be considered for a GAN. Aside from issues with the prose, there are some bits of missing information (the genre is not sourced in the body of the article, the commercial performance is not in the prose, etc.). Apologies, but I will have to fail this. Aoba47 (talk) 20:10, 19 August 2018 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

@Aoba47: I agree with all the forestated comments, but I won't be able to add Discogs to the external links since the content there is USER:G, according to the discussion here. I'll work on the points you stated above, and thanks for the detailed review! Edit: What is an alt text, and how do I add it in? aNode (discuss) 08:30, 20 August 2018 (UTC)

• Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Accessibility/Alternative text for images. Discogs should never be used as a reference, but they are used in the external links. Aoba47 (talk) 15:52, 20 August 2018 (UTC)