Talk:Neo soul/GA1
Latest comment: 9 years ago by Retrohead in topic GA Review
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Reviewer: Retrohead (talk · contribs) 15:04, 27 September 2014 (UTC)
Before I review the prose, I want to ask if there's a style guide for music genres? I haven't noticed one at Wikipedia:WikiProject Music/Music genres task force, but I'm asking in case I'm missing something.--Retrohead (talk) 15:04, 27 September 2014 (UTC)
- Sourcing
- Most of the references seem appropriate. What caught my eye was no. 42–the article by Trevor Nelson, which seems to be self-published.
- Yes, but he's associated with bbc radio 1, whose listed he republished on his website. per WP:SPS, "Self-published expert sources may be considered reliable when produced by an established expert on the subject matter, whose work in the relevant field has previously been published by reliable third-party publications" Dan56 (talk) 22:14, 27 September 2014 (UTC)
- Reference 56 is dead link, and obviously from unreliable source (ConcertTour.org), even though the journalist is accredited with name.
- Other dead links: 10 and 21.
- There is inconsistency with the "access date" field from the citation template. The majority of the references contain that parameter, but other ones, such as the Chicago Tribune or Billboard, don't.
- What page from the McIver book is cited? Also, wasn't he a heavy metal writer?
- The title on ref 46 has "Original Soundtrack" written twice. While that is how it is displayed at Allmusic, I suggest losing the one in brackets.
- "Staff" or "columnist" aren't meant to be put in the "author" filed. That is for journalist names only.
- The article by Ben Ratliff is already cited in the references, so I suggest omitting it from 'Further reading'.
- The 'See also' section should feature other Wikipedia articles, not categories. If List of neo soul singers existed, then it might have been more appropriate than the category of the same name.
- Media
- The duration of "Something to Hold on To" is 4:06, which means the maximum portion allowed to use is approximately 24 seconds. The fair use rationale would benefit from some formatting.
- Images are under free use. I should note that incorporating image size is not necessarily needed since pictures appear differently at various computers. Alt text could be useful for screen readers.
- Prose
- Why is neo soul placed in quote marks? The opening sentence should contain the bolded name of the article, and the article's title is not in quotes.
- The first citation could be omitted from the lead. I see that the origin of the term is explained in the 'Etymology' section, so the cite there is redundant. Same for the rest of the references in the lead.
- Can you describe who is Mark Anthony Neal without the reader entering his article?
- "coined" is a common verb, and as such shouldn't be linked to etymology.
- "commercial breakthrough" is repeated in two back-to-back sentences. Can you shake the prose a bit here? Same for "coined" and "coinage"
- "viewing that it can be seen as contrived" is a bit wordy, and ineptly written (using two verbs with the same meaning "see" and "view")
- According to my rough estimation, the 'Etymology' has more quotations than prose. Can you paraphrase one or two of these?
- You can safely drop "ultimately" from the next section without losing the meaning of the sentence.
- Anne Danielson wrote, since the book is already published.
- The term "neo soul artists" is overly repeated here. For example, "have viewed neo soul artists' lyrical content" could be trimmed to "have viewed the lyrical content".
- raison d'être could be linked, since not all readers know its meaning.
- Another copyedit: "Neo soul's origins lie" to "Neo soul originated..."
- Is quiet storm a genre? I haven't heard of that term.
- Why are Zhané, Groove Theory, Joi, Tony Rich, and Me'Shell NdegéOcello mentioned here? What was their contribution to the genre? Listing them like that seems that they were randomly picked.
- The artist should be written with full name and linked only at his/her introduction in the article. For example, R. Kelly is linked more than once; Erykah Badu, Lauryn Hill, Raphael Saadiq, etc. should be mentioned with last name in further discussion.
- de-link honorific title
- "popular neo soul artists in recent years have included"–you mean are, right?
- Spotchecks
- "Dusting of Old King Soul" (Greg Kot)—D'Angelo's Brown Sugar is not credited as inspiration for coining the term.
- I mistook the second page's mention (start of the term vs. star of the genre as a movement). Removed. Dan56 (talk) 15:34, 1 October 2014 (UTC)
- The Billboard phrasing is properly done. I assume that Saadiq's statement was used for "soul music had ended at some point in time".
- Refs 58 and 59—only Badu is mentioned in the first, while the second leads to wrong entry