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Latest comment: 16 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Just a few comments on improving the article. It's a good start.
It needs more than one reference. I may have something laying around, but I don't know if I'll have time to add anything.
Needs a thorough copyedit and rewrite for style issues. I suggest taking it over to the League of Copyeditors and seeing what they can do for you.
The sentences are generally very long and should be broken up into clauses or shorter sentences. For example:
Expanding his rule to all of modern Central Tibet, including the Lhasa region allowed him to rule over many groups, and to begin the establishment of a centralized and strong state, with skilled troops who gained experience in their many battles in the early 7th century.
might become
As he extended his rule to all of Central Tibet, he began to establish a strong, centralized state with the help of skilled troops, who had gained experience in the battles of the early seventh century. Or something. I don't really know.--Gimme danger (talk) 17:20, 28 April 2008 (UTC)Reply
