Talk:Moff Gideon/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Hunter Kahn in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 10:32, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
Thought I'd give someone else a chance, but still no takers so I'll do this one Cavie78 (talk) 10:32, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
Lead
- Our old friend "first appearence"
- "who does not hesitate" -> "and does not hesitate"
Backstory
- "Gideon knows the identity of and information about the show's title character, otherwise known as "The Mandalorian", due to his role in the Purge" Think this coule be worded better. Maybe "Gideon knows information about the show's title character, otherwise known as "The Mandalorian", including his identity, due to his role in the Purge"
- "is a title for high-ranking Imperial official who served" -> "is a title for a high-ranking Imperial official who served"
- "The "Moff" title
andhas been featured" - "Just prior Gideon's" -> "Just prior to Gideon's"
Season one
- Are we saying The Child/Client or the Child/Client?
- "and the meeting is a trap in which the Mandalorian plans to kill the Client and his stormtoopers" Make it clear this was a plan devised by all three. Current wording could be taken to read as though Greef Karga and Cara Dune don't realise it was meant to be a trap
- "Afterward" -> "Afterwards"
Changed. — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
- "and his party from the outside," -> "and his party from outside the cantina,"
- "to the wing
andafter briefly clinging" - "a black-bladed lightsaber and ancient Mandalorian artifact" -> "a black-bladed lightsaber which is am ancient Mandalorian artifact"
Season two
- Ok
Thanks again Cavie78! — Hunter Kahn 15:47, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
Characterization
- "that they cannot trust them"? "that they cannot trust him"?
- "or even for mere annoyances like when they interrupt him" -> "or even for mere annoyances, such as when they interrupt him"
- "determined to achieve his goals[35] and is willing" Add a comma before the cite or move the cite to the end of the sentence
- "His motivation to get the Child appear personal" -> "His motivation to get the Child appears personal"
Portrayal
- "Esposito said one of the first things he did after accepting the role" Make it clear you mean Moff Gideo as you've just mentioned the Jungle Book.
- "was a fan of the
firstoriginal Star Wars trilogy" - "and appreciated that there was a more minority actors in the later productions" -> "and appreciated that there were more minority actors in the later productions"
- "become an Internet sensation" -> "become an internet sensation"
Costume
- "concept designer and artist with The Mandalorian" -> "concept designer and artist for The Mandalorian"
- "costume was created based upon the design by costume designer Joseph Porro"? I don't understand this. You said the costume was designed by Brian Matyas?
- My understanding is that Porro designed it and then Matyas physically made it based upon the design. Maybe I should change "created" to "crafted" to avoid confusion? (Or if that's the only thing holding up GA approval, feel free to make the change yourself so you don't have to wait for me. :D) — Hunter Kahn 16:00, 22 May 2020 (UTC)
- "and he wanted to keep his costume" -> "and said he wanted to keep his costume"
Filming
- "said of
thefilming scenes" - "I'm on (a) globe 30 feet in (the) sky" -> "I'm on [a] globe 30 feet in [the] sky"
Reception
- OK
Images
- All ok and appropriately licensed
Sources
- Great