Talk:Marie Lang/GA1
Latest comment: 4 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:23, 20 April 2020 (UTC)
Comments
- The lead feels too large for an article of this length. The article is currently around 10,000 characters, and MOS:LEAD suggests "One or two paragraphs".
- Once that's been trimmed appropriately, I review it.
- " class[4]" move that ref to the end, it's not too many words away and it would improve the aesthetic.
- "Marie and Theodor Köchert, 1880–1884" I'm perplexed by how this year range applies to a photograph, a snapshot in time?!
- "they divorced, but the two would remain close.[6] Upon their marriage," they divorced, their marriage, I think it might be helpful to clarify who's who in this little segue.
- ", Erwin[6] who" comma after Erwin.
- "very involved in th" just my ear, but "heavily involved" would sound better than "very involved".
- "famously known" no need for famously.
- "Frederick Eckstein " our article has k instead of h for Fred.
- "Lang's friend Rosa Mayreder.[11] Lang and Mayreder" repetitive.
- "whom she cared for in " -> "for whom she cared in"
- "At the end of the 1880s, " again, my ears, but "Toward the end of the 1880s" after all the "end of the 1880s" is probably midnight on 31 December 1889.
- "of Section 30, " section 30 of what?
- "networks[19] pressing f" awkward ref, but I feel there should be a comma after networks anyway, so perhaps that would make it less awkward...
- Could link intelligentsia.
- " Frauenverein's" use the {{'}} template here to avoid the apostrophe crashing into the italic text.
- "1903[31] and " awkward ref placement again.
- Could link Austrian Parliament?
- "Amsterdam[36] and gave a" I would also move that ref just a few words to the right, behind the full stop.
- "support.[15][14] " ref order.
- "House[9] and then retired and devoted her time to her family.[4]" -> "House,[9] and then retired to devote her time to her family.[4]"
- "A – H" unspaced.
Excellent work. On hold while we fix these. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 11:00, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
- Thank you so much for taking on the review The Rambling Man. I truly appreciate it. I think I addressed the concerns, but if you need anything else, just ping me. (Safely in isolation in Mérida since February, though I do wander in my walled back garden, a lot. Someone must harvest the bananas and oranges ). SusunW (talk) 15:54, 21 April 2020 (UTC)
- You got the template sorted, and I'm happy with your updates, so I'm promoting. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 16:33, 21 April 2020 (UTC)