Talk:Mandeep Dhillon/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Bait30 (talk · contribs) 17:40, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

I'll try to get started on this review soon. I'll review prose first going down the page by section, then do images, then do references last.  Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 17:40, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

Lead

• "In 2012 she had a leading role": I've noticed that throughout the article, when a sentence begins "In YEAR", it's sometimes followed by a comma and it sometimes isn't. I'm not sure if without a comma is done in some variety of English that's not American English, but at least try to make it consistent. (1a)
  • Amended. (Also slightly reworded a couple of instances so that not so many sentences start with "In 20xx ...") BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:01, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Early life

• The first sentences of each paragraph, are kinda wordy and complex (lots of dependent clauses). It is grammatical and understandable though so I won't hold it against you if you choose to keep it haha.
  • I've broken one of them up - very happy to hear any further suggestions.

Career

• "In 2011": the comma thing again. (1a)
  • Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
• "The Financial Times': The "The" shouldn't be italicized. (1a)
  • Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
• "at the behest of her family who want her": I believe it should be "family who wants". Unless again it might be an WP:ENGVAR thing. (1a)
  • Looks like there is a difference between American and British English around collective nouns. I've added the word "members" but happy to revisit. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
    • Ok, yeah I sort of remember hearing something about that but I wasn't sure. In that case, it's fine to keep as is.  Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 03:35, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
• "In the show...UI Qoma": these two sentences seem to be extraneous. (3b)
  • Removed. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
• Instead of "(2019 to 2020)", shouldn't it be "(2019–present)"?
  • Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:18, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Filmography

• Nothing that would affect the GA review, but per WP:FILMOGRAPHY, you should use "Title" in your tables instead of "Film" and "Programme".
  • Amended. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 02:52, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

Images

• I feel like the Bush Theatre image is in the gray area between relevant and irrelevant. It's a picture of the place she worked at from 6 years before she worked there. (6b)

 Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 22:58, 5 March 2021 (UTC)

• • Fair point. Should this be removed? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:19, 6 March 2021 (UTC)
    • In my opinion, yeah.  Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 03:35, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

References

Reference numbers come from this version of the article.

• Ref 1: dead. Also how can the tweet be from 2004? Twitter was founded in 2006. (2b)
  • Added an archive url, and corrected my typos in the year here and in the hidden comment "tweet confirms day of birth; ES article states that Dhillon was 27 (in April 2020)" BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 03:34, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

GA checklist

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

 Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 23:45, 5 March 2021 (UTC) Looks good now!  Bait30  ^{Talk 2 me pls?} 05:09, 6 March 2021 (UTC)

• Many thanks for taking the review on and for your constructive comments, Bait30. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 14:39, 6 March 2021 (UTC)