Talk:Kuiil/GA1
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Hunter Kahn in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 17:32, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
Infobox
- It seems odd that you list Kuiil's occupation in the infobox as "former Imperial indentured servant" when you say in the article that he is a moisture farmer. Maybe say "Moisture farmer; former Imperial indentured servant"?
- I'd expect Homeworld in the infobox to mean where his species comes from, not where he's living at the time of The Mandalorian?
Lead
- Again, I'd say "first appeared", but I don't think you like this from the other Mandalorian articles of yours that I've reviewed.
Appearances
- "making his first appearance in the series debut episode "Chapter 1: The Mandalorian", where he lives on a moisture farm on the planet Arvala-7, working as a vapor farmer" -> "making his first appearance in the series debut episode "Chapter 1: The Mandalorian", where he is shown living on a moisture farm on the planet Arvala-7, working as a vapor farmer"
- "with the hopes that" -> "with the hope that"
- "Kuiil returns in the next episode" Maybe "Kuiil appears in the next episode" or similar to avoid repetition of "returns"
- "Kuiil helps the Mandalorian avert a crisis with a local community of alien scavengers called Jawas" I think this could be worded better - it sounds like Jawas are local to Arvala-7
- Well, that sort of is the case here; these particular Jawas are local to that planet. Unless I misunderstand your comment? — Hunter Kahn 20:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
- "and agrees to accompany the Mandalorian for the save of protecting the child from Imperial slavery" Not sure what's happened here - do you mean "the sake" Even so, it sounds a bit odd "as he wants to help protect the Child from imperial slavery"?
- "While the others in the party does not understand his power" -> "While the others in the party do not understand his power"
- "During their journey at Nevarro" -> "During their journey on Nevarro"?
- "Later, the bounty hunter Greef Karga reveals the mission is an ambush" Maybe (briefly) say why Greef Karga decides to reveal this
- "Child's protection. But two" I think this would work better with a comma "Child's protection, but two"
Characterization
- "as shown by his willingness to assist the Mandalorian and other bounty hunters travel in finding the bounty they seek" Do we know that he helped other bounty hunters find The Child?
Conception
- Ok
Portrayal
- "on the Internet earlier" -> "on the internet earlier'
- "Nolte's casting was announced" officially announced makes more sense, given that you start the sentence with "although"
- "The motion capture performance of Kuiil was done by actress and stuntwoman Misty Rosas, who called it "the most amazing job of my life"" Suggest rewording to "Actress and stuntwoman Misty Rosas performed the motion capture for Kuiil, calling it "the most amazing job of my life".
- "which she fears would "be taking me out of the scene"" -> "which she feared would "[take her] out of the scene"
- "Rosas recited during the audition" -> "Rosas recited during her audition"
Costume
- "of makeup for part" -> "of makeup for the part"
- "give Rosas the great possible freedom of motion" -> "give Rosas the greatest possible freedom of motion"
- "Kuiil's eyes are not part of the mask, and instead, Rosas' actual eyes are visible through holes in the mask" Don't think "mask" is necessary at the end as you've already established that you're talking about the mask. Same for the next sentence, although you'd have to rewrite.
Filming
- "Rosas called these rehearsals" I think you have just say "Rosas called the rehearsals" here, as you've established which rehearsals you're talking about, and "these" is pretty repetitive
- "Misty Rosas prepared a great deal in advance for her scenes and study the dialogue carefully so they could go as smoothly as possible" -> "Rosas prepared a great deal in advance for her scenes, studying the dialogue carefully, so that shooting would go as smoothly as possible"?
- "particularly when in scenes that were dimly lit" -> "particularly during scenes that were dimly lit"
- "and multiple takes were required to get it correct" -> "and multiple takes were required to get a take that worked" (or something like that anyway!)
- "This made the Child relatively heavy, occasionally proving challenging" -> "This made the Child relatively heavy, which occasionally proved challenging"
- "the speeds at which it was made to run" I assume the prop didn't actually run? Maybe better to say "the speeds at which it was made to appear to run" or something?
Themes
- Ok
Critical reception
- "subject of Internet memes used by fans" -> "subject of internet memes used by fans"
- "At first glance, (Kuiil)" -> "At first glance, [Kuiil]"
- "Charlie Ridgely of Comicbook.com "one of the most"" -> "Charlie Ridgely of Comicbook.com described Kuiil as "one of the most""
- "and the choice to make a member" -> "and said that he felt the choice to make a member"
- "Den of Geek writer Megan Crouse called the character was a wise old" -> "Den of Geek writer Megan Crouse said that she felt the character was a wise old"
- "but that it worked well, in part due to his likeable personality" -> "but that this worked well, in part due to Kuiil's likeable personality"
- "provided "nicely acerbic voice" -> "provided a "nicely acerbic voice"
- "Fans on the Internet" -> "Fans on the internet"
Images
- All ok
Sources
- Look good
- Another well written article in The Mandalorian series. Placing on hold for now Cavie78 (talk) 20:36, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
- See reply above regarding the Jawas Cavie78 (talk) 10:13, 19 May 2020 (UTC) @Hunter Kahn:
- Thanks @Hunter Kahn:. I love this guy - happy to see the article reach GA! Cavie78 (talk) 15:18, 19 May 2020 (UTC)