Talk:Justin Wilson (racing driver)/GA1
Latest comment: 4 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:32, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
Comments
- " 2003, the Champ Car World Series from 2004 to 2007 ...." you don't link the F1 season to 2003 but you do link seasons to 2004 and 2007. I personally find such easter eggs undesirable full stop, but there's nothing in the GA criteria stopping you doing it. Just be consistent I guess.
- "1998, the International Formula 3000 Championship with Nordic Racing in 2001 and " comma after 2001.
- "then RuSPORT,teams " fix.
- "driver and was able t" replace and with who.
- " financially in the long-term." delete.
- "Wilson has a younger brother," seems odd to use this tense when Justin is dead, maybe "Wilson's younger brother,"?
- " at the Worksop services" what are these?
- A lot of sentences starting with Fullerton or Wilson, good use some variation.
- "and became the first 16-year-old to win a motor race in the United Kingdom" this needs context. What kind of motor race? An affiliated one? One which is somehow officially recognised?
- A few very short sentences makes for choppy reading, consider merging and reworking some to improve the flow rather than an almost CV-based stacatto.
- What's a pedal box?
- "a fully funded and sponsored" seems to be the same?
- " BRDC Gold Medal, the ERA Club Trophy and the Graham Hill Trophy" are these notable? Should they be linked?
- "due to sponsorship issues" unclear what that means in this context?
- "was rested for two races, Wilson was the team's preferred choice to replace him" rested to be replaced? Sounds unusual.
- "The capital was raised through Palmer searching for financial partners;[41] Wilson's father mortgaged the family home" no semi colon, this is an "and" moment. Or a "while".
- "900 individuals " don't start sentences with numbers.
- "Before the German Grand Prix, " state explicitly this was the 2003 one.
- Check image captions, fragments don't need full stops.
- " the Greg Moore Legacy Award that year" again I find it odd that formal titles are part-linked. Is the award notable?
That takes me to the "IndyCar Series (2008–2015)" section. I'll stop here for the evening if that's okay and continue tomorrow. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 21:09, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
- " In mid-race," no need for "in".
- "27th-place finish.[84] He finished" repetitive.
- " For his results during the season" verbose, just say where he finished.
- " team,[14][17][26] in February,[88] " cite hell, move to end and are three really required?
- "with 354 accrued" accrued redundant.
- "Having been linked with..." -> "Although linked..."
- "points standings with 183 points" repetitive.
- "21st and advanced fourteen positions to finish seventh" mosnum, consistent words or numbers for comparable figures.
- "In the season's first five races, he finished sixth at the Indy Grand Prix of Alabama." what?
- "his qualifying average dropped from 12.2 in 2013 to 13.11 " is this really significant?
- "ninth in class and 22nd " again, comparable numbers should be formatted the same.
- "Wilson finished tenth and scored one championship point for a 25th " ditto.
- "slowed faster than Wilson, who was following him, could do so." awkward construction.
- "in Paulerspury, Northamptonshire," probably worth reinforcing that this was back in the UK, presumably his body had to be repatriated.
- "could ever find",[19][144][145] " why three cites for one fact?
- "soft-spoken and highly analytical. " not referenced while the other traits were.
- "awareness of organ donation" did Wilson donate his organs?
- Tables could use row and col scopes for MOS:ACCESS. Some do, but some don't...
- "p. 073" no need for leading zero.
That's about it for a first pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 08:11, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
- @The Rambling Man: Have made changes where possible and have replied where appropriate. MWright96 (talk) 09:59, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
- Okay, good work, I'm promoting. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 09:39, 6 April 2020 (UTC)