Talk:Joseph Lonardo/GA1

Latest comment: 4 years ago by Vaselineeeeeeee in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 18:11, 6 April 2020 (UTC)Reply


I'll take a look at this. Harrias talk 18:11, 6 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

Early life
  • "..and his three brothers and his sister emigrated.." Above, we were only told he had three brothers: could his sister be added to the family list above?
  • What are "commission houses"?
      • This is addressed in footnote now lettered "b". It's currently at the end of the sentence that mentions commission houses; should it be moved up against the phrase? - Tim1965 (talk) 01:34, 8 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
Criminal career
      • Is that not explained with the last sentence in the section "Boss of the Cleveland crime family"? That sentence reads "More and more distillers and distributors of corn whiskey were joining a new Italian American gang run by the Porrellos that had formed near the intersection of Woodland Avenue and E. 55th Street." - Tim1965 (talk) 04:24, 8 April 2020 (UTC)Reply


Death
Personal life
Lead
Images
  • All images are appropriately licensed and captioned.
  • Consider adding alt text to the images, but this isn't a GA requirement.
References

Overall this is a well-written and engaging article. In places, it goes into excessive detail for me; the most obvious example of this was the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section, but throughout the article there are examples of it; consider going through the article and considering each fact presented and think "Does this add necessary and valuable information to the reader about Lonardo?". Using the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section as an example, knowing that Yorkell was "muscular, plain-looking, shabbily-dressed" adds nothing to the reader's knowledge of Lonardo. Other than that, it is just the minor copy-edits listed above. Harrias talk 07:48, 7 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

@Harrias: I think most of the points have been addressed. Any other concerns? Regards, Vaselineeeeeeee★★★ 15:34, 10 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
I'm still concerned that the article goes into excessive detail too often; as I said before, try and go through the entire article questioning each point, and whether it adds to the reader's understanding of Lonardo. With everyone around and hyper through the weekend, I might not be able to have another read through until Monday, but if I can squeeze it in sooner, I will. Harrias talk 18:02, 10 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
I trimmed a bit more in the Yorkell and Brownstein murders section. I had a read of the rest of the article and I don't see an inherent things that could be trimmed, but if you still have any specific reservations, please raise them here and we'll see if we can rework it. Regards, Vaselineeeeeeee★★★ 02:21, 11 April 2020 (UTC)Reply
Some more points
  • "..which he organized from a competing number of organized crime gangs." The repetition of "organized" in the lead is a bit awkward.
  • Can you move note b closer to "commission houses", ideally by ref #11.
  • "..a somewhat loosely organized Italian American gang.." Remove "somewhat", the meaning remains the same without it.
  • "..at $2.19 a pound.." Provide a metric conversion for "pound".

Those aside, I think this is pretty much there. Harrias talk 14:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)Reply

@Harrias:   Done, also for $3.50 a pound. Vaselineeeeeeee★★★ 16:41, 16 April 2020 (UTC)Reply