Talk:Joseph Drummond/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: B3251 (talk · contribs) 22:31, 4 June 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Rollinginhisgrave (talk · contribs) 11:47, 15 August 2024 (UTC)

Hey, I'm happy to take this on. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 11:47, 15 August 2024 (UTC)

@Rollinginhisgrave: Finished. I've made various changes and responses, please let me know what you think. B3251_(talk) 16:01, 15 August 2024 (UTC)

Looking good, just a few last comments. Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 22:48, 15 August 2024 (UTC)

Prose and content

• was a Canadian activist based in Saint John, New Brunswick. He became involved with the NAACP and the civil rights movement in the United States and later in his home province of New Brunswick. This is awkward, following up saying he was an activist based in... New Brunswick, and then in the next sentence that he later became involved in civil rights in "his home province of New Brunswick."
  •  Done tweaked wording.
• National Black Coalition in Canada did they change the in to of at some point?
  •  Done fixed.
• NAACP as well as civil rights activism Given the NAACP is a civil rights organization, can a greater distinction be drawn between this and the other civil rights activity he engaged in?
  •  Done removed "civil rights activism" and just stuck with NAACP.
• his hometown of redundant, as only one paragraph ago you said he was born there, and it's implied he was raised there as well.
  •  Done removed
• The owner, Tom Arbing, proclaimed having "never cut a colored person's hair in 55 years." better use of past tense, i.e. "had proclaimed"
  •  Done Changed to "had proclaimed having". Not totally sure of it, let me know if it's OK.

having -> that he had

• adding that "It is a terrible thing capitalization of "It" (sorry for the nitpick)
  •  Done fixed capitalization
• Can you elaborate on the reaction to the sit-in, if it is discussed in the literature?
  • When creating the article I don't think I found much reaction to the sit-in, but Backyard History did write that "Although Saint John newspapers seem to have chosen to report the news straight without taking a position on the sit-in, newspapers in Moncton ran strongly worded editorials". Let me know if anything here catches your attention.

I saw in sources while reading them (I think the NYT as well as something else) that the business community responded, and Tom later changed his stance.

• The sit-in made national coverage national coverage -> national headlines, or change "made"
  •  Done reworded
• which he later resigned from in 1971 a conjunction such as "but", "however" etc should be used.
  •  Done

Suggestions

• Drummond was also a parliamentary candidate for the New Democratic Party during the 1972 federal election use active voice, i.e. Drummond ran for parliament...
  •  Done

Sources

• [1] Y although I will see if there is another source lining him up for this date in case there are more than one Joseph Drummonds.
  • Source should be good, but let me know. New Brunswick's birth record archives record two Joseph Drummonds (search result), but the other one was born in Northumberland County in 1889.
• [2] clock

"became involved with" in the article should just be "joined"  Done

This article makes the stronger claim that he was forced out of the military, the source is less certain.  Done

This article is claiming that in 1972 he was still a member of the Human Rights Commission of New Brunswick

Not totally sure of how to address this, as the sources for the election (this one) as well as his obituary are both from the same news agency, The Canadian Press.

Address it in a footnote.

• [3] N In 1949, he helped lead a Canadian Seamen's Union strike. This appears to be an opinion piece and cannot be taken as a RS, as they are trying to create a sense of danger, which can involve inflating roles.
  •  Done Removed.
• [4] Y
• [5] Y
• [6] clock

Saint John and New Brunswick Association for the Advancement of Colored People Conflict over what the title is compared to just New Brunswick Association...

Response: Saint John Association for the Advancement of Colored People and New Brunswick Association for the Advancement of Colored People were two different entities. If I were to guess, the source just refers to the sit-in participants as members of both.

Museum of New Brunswick: In 2004, the Archives & Research Library of the New Brunswick Museum purchased a small, but important booklet that outlined the initial meetings of the Saint John Association for the Advancement of Colored People (SJAACP). The association was established in September 1949 and met at the Calvary Baptist Church at 39 Waterloo Street, Saint John, NB.

• [7] N Thesis is not a good source, especially given the only evidence given in the PDF attached is that it has been submitted, not even reviewed.
  •  Done Not sure why I added this, not even needed. Removed.
• [8] Y
• [9] Y
• [10] Y
• [11] Y
• [12] Y tension noted above with source 2
• [13] Y
• [14] Y
• [15] Y
• [16] Y

Images

• Appropriately tagged with reasons for using copyrighted material Y
• No NPOV/OR Y
• Stable Y
• Broad clock pending discussion reception
• Summary style Y
• Neutral Y

Rollinginhisgrave (talk) 12:29, 15 August 2024 (UTC)