Talk:Jonathon Blum/GA1

Latest comment: 9 years ago by 98.189.161.8 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: -- BigDom 17:32, 20 January 2010 (UTC)Reply

Comments

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Lead
  • The prose is fine, but the lead should summarise the whole article and it contains nothing from the "Early life" or "International play" sections
  • "During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007 with the Vancouver Giants." --> "During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) with the Vancouver Giants, Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007."
Early life
  • "a couple years" --> "a couple of years"
  • "NHLer" isn't a word, maybe something like "NHL player" would be better
  • I don't think it's necessary to go into such detail about his mother's cancer. Just saying that she had cancer, was treated and then recovered in May 2006 is enough.
Playing career
  • The first paragraph could do with a couple more references, such as citing the sentence about the plus-minus award.
  • "plus/minus" --> "plus-minus"
  • In the second paragraph, the part about him finishing second among league defensemen should be cited since it's a pretty strong claim.
  • In the next sentence "would also set" --> "also set". This could do with a reference as well.
  • Why are there three very short paragraphs at the end of this section. Can they not be merged together?
International play
  • "but failed to medal once more" --> "but once again failed to win a medal"
Career statistics
  • This section looks OK
Awards
  • The awards without cites need references.
Records
  • Same as the awards, they need refs

A pretty well-written article overall, once the few comments are addressed I'd be happy to pass this. Message me if you have any questions about the review. Thanks, -- BigDom 18:07, 20 January 2010 (UTC)Reply

Reply

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First of all, thanks for taking the time to review. I addressed all the above issues as best I could. I think they're all properly taken care of, but I was unsure what from the "Early life" section I should include in the lead. I simply mentioned his birth place and where he was raised. Let me know if there's anything else I need to take care of. Thanks again! Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 07:23, 21 January 2010 (UTC)Reply

Article looks fine now those comments have been dealt with. Just done a couple of minor fixes myself but I'll gladly pass this now. -- BigDom 17:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)Reply

You should mention his early childhood as playing street hockey with the neighbors. Played every week and loved it! Miss you Ashley!!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by 98.189.161.8 (talk) 23:00, 9 June 2015 (UTC)Reply

Criteria check

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GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:  
    B. MoS compliance:  
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:  
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:  
    C. No original research:  
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:  
    B. Focused:  
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:  
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:  
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:  
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  


Awesome! Thanks. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 01:03, 22 January 2010 (UTC)Reply