Talk:James Murray, Lord Philiphaugh/GA1
Latest comment: 1 year ago by Dabberoni15 in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 14:11, 2 June 2022 (UTC)
I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:11, 2 June 2022 (UTC)
- Images appropriately licensed
- In the lede, before becoming involved in Scotland's political affairs the next year seems a little too vague if he was elected to Parliament.
- Reworded
- What are the functions of a commissioner for the borders?
- I'm not exactly sure, and my source (the ODNB) doesn't exactly say. Presumably it was some Scottish government office that dealt with issues surrounding the Anglo-Scottish border, though I can't find any concrete information on the subject. Do you recommend I just remove it entirely?
- When did Murray become Sheriff of Selkirk?
- Added the date and source.
- What's a bond of caution?
- Again, I'm not entirely sure, all the information I could find on bonds of caution was the modern definition, which defined it as "essentially an insurance policy that protects the beneficiaries of an estate." This I think has nothing to do with the historical definition. What do you propose?
- @Sturmvogel 66: Replaced the "bond of caution" information with something more understandable.
- Again, I'm not entirely sure, all the information I could find on bonds of caution was the modern definition, which defined it as "essentially an insurance policy that protects the beneficiaries of an estate." This I think has nothing to do with the historical definition. What do you propose?
- What are the dates of Murray's tenure in the Scottish Parliament?
- Added the dates.
- His position as Lord Clerk Register was succeeded by David Boyle, 1st Earl of Glasgow Awkward
- Reworded
- Way too much info on his son. Limit it to just a single sentence, folded into the first paragraph--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:50, 8 June 2022 (UTC)
- I condensed the information into a single paragraph; do you really think it needs to be only one sentence? After all, the new para contains information on the article subject's direct descendants.
- Yes, all that information on John belongs in his own article, not here.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:41, 20 June 2022 (UTC)
- I condensed the information into a single paragraph; do you really think it needs to be only one sentence? After all, the new para contains information on the article subject's direct descendants.
- Reading through the ODNB entry, there seems to be quite a bit of close paraphrasing of it in the article. Reword or quote with attribution.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:00, 8 June 2022 (UTC)
- Can you point out specific examples please? Otherwise this is (and I say this with all due respect) unhelpful in helping me to resolve this issue.
- And expand the info regarding his dismissal as Sheriff.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:03, 8 June 2022 (UTC)
- Done.
I've resolved the access problems I was having with the ODNB, so I'll be giving you any needed examples along with any other issues that arise on this second read through.
- Move the bit about the conventicles from a foot note to the main body since Mann explicitly states that that was the fundamental reason for his dismissal
- On rereading there are indeed examples, but I couldn't think of alternate ways of rephrasing them that wasn't clunky and worse reading, so I'm OK with them. Deal with the conventicle issue and we'll be done.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:41, 20 June 2022 (UTC)
- @Sturmvogel 66: I think I've made the changes that you have requested. "I am once again asking for you to get back to me as soon as possible." Dabberoni15 (talk) 18:58, 21 June 2022 (UTC)