Talk:Jaki Byard/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 04:16, 7 February 2014 (UTC)

I'll review this article sometime this weekend. Wizardman 04:16, 7 February 2014 (UTC)

Thanks! I'll be around, so should be able to respond quickly. EddieHugh (talk) 16:48, 7 February 2014 (UTC)

Sorry for the delay on this, real life got in the way. Here are the issues I found:

• Not sure if adding an old address for the parents is significant. I'd remove it unless I'm missing something.

The implication is that he was there as a child. They're not of the same standing, but see Bix Beiderbecke for a jazz example that includes a first home.

• "Byard began playing professionally, on piano, at the age of 16, in bands led by Doc Kentross and Freddy Bates" A lot of commas here, most of which aren't needed. If you feel they're required, reword to limit them.

Dropped the first two.

• "who encouraged Byard to take up another instrument – the tenor saxophone" this can probably just be shrunk to "who encouraged Byard to take up the tenor saxophone"

Changed to "encouraged Byard to add tenor saxophone to his array of instruments", to avoid implying that he was advised to stop playing the piano.

• "He then joined Earl Bostic's popular band as pianist in 1947 and they toured for around a year" popular isn't needed here.

Removed.

• "Byard also played solo piano in Boston in the ealy to mid-1950s and freelanced in the same area later in the same decade" early. Also, we have two "in the same"s back to back and it feels repetitive; reword.

Changed to "freelanced in that area later in the same decade".

• Technically this isn't wrong, but there's a few spots that just use "from [year]" Ideally there should be date ranges, and since it's not a living person it's not like it's a dynamic length of time.

Unfortunately, that's what's in the sources for some. I've added a period for the New England and Manhattan work.

• We need ISBNs for the book sources.

Not for GA, I thought, but done.

• While not a requirement, linking newspapers in references would be beneficial.

Done for those that are available.

I'll put the article on hold and will pass when the issues are fixed. Wizardman 04:09, 15 February 2014 (UTC)

Responses are indented above. I think that I've dealt with them all, but let me know if more is required. Thank you for the review. EddieHugh (talk) 12:47, 15 February 2014 (UTC)

Looks good now. For future references, I'd ideally use ISBNs automatically whenever you use a book source. It helps reviewers if only to make sure the book in fact exists (happened to me once when I found a hoax, and that was enough for me to crack down). Article is now passed as a GA. Wizardman 17:13, 15 February 2014 (UTC)