Talk:Ismail I of Granada/GA1
GA Review edit
GA toolbox |
---|
Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Aza24 (talk · contribs) 01:19, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
Hi HaEr48! I'm excited to review your article. My process is pretty simple: I'll give comments/suggestions section by section, usually mostly on the prose. At the end I'll give general comments, such as something being overlinked or MOS errors. I'll also do a quick ref review and image review at the end. You should expect comments on each of the sections in the next 24 hours. 48 hours at the most. Cheers! Aza24 (talk) 01:19, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
Sorry for the delay, some comments:
Lead edit
- I know you use AH dates in parenthesis throughout the article, there inclusion in the lead for Ismail's birth and deaths dates, or perhaps the infobox, might make sense as well.
- Very well written lead, I read the article first before reading it and it seems to be summed up well.
Background edit
- I see you use the reign ("{{reign...") template for the first ruler you mention, Sultan Muhammad II, but not the others? Best to use for all or none.
- Since you mention a lot of names in the first 2 sentences that by the time I got to
"Abu Said was a member of the dynasty...."
I wasn't sure who Abu Said was. Perhaps add "His father, Abu Said, was a..." - Maybe add what the capital was: "Málaga was the second largest city of the Emirate of Granada after the capital, Granada, and its most important..."
Early life edit
"and the Nasrid rule in Málaga was still unstable"
maybe link the Nasrid dynasty here? Since you have only linked it in the lead so far.- Gotta love Ibn Khaldun :)
- Could one or two examples of "pro-Christian tendencies" (in "as well as the suspected pro-Christian tendencies of Nasr and his vizier.") be provided? I'm not sure what that would be off the top of my head, since the suspected tendencies surely wouldn't be anything too obvious.
"Initially, he faced an attempt to restore his predecessor..."
would perhaps "coup" be more appropriate here?- I wonder if the "pro-Ismail" were led by anyone notable mentioned earlier in the article?
- "Infante" is a title, correct? Could that be linked to the appropriate article? (since I don't think the average reader would be familiar with it)
- Since you have the reign of the other rulers in this article, perhaps add that of Ferdinand IV in parenthesis as well?
Rise to power edit
- Why is "katib" italicized?
- Because it is a foreign word (per MOS:FOREIGNITALIC). 22:13, 21 June 2020 (UTC)
"This became known to the"
might be more clear as "The negotiations became known to the..."- Rest of this section looks great.
Reign edit
Defending the throne edit
"Ismail laid siege to Guadix in May 1315 but left after 45 days."
I wonder if this line can be clarified with something like "but left unsuccessful after 45 days"- The line:
"Peter invaded Granada again in 1317"
could use some more clarification, or nuance. At the very least it should be "Peter invaded Granada again later in 1317" but I would suggest adding something like "The treaty did not hold (The peace did not last?) and Peter would invade Granada again later the same year." - "in exchange for a 'second/new' truce" maybe?
"At this point, Peter's intention was probably not the restoration of Nasr but rather the total conquest of Granada, and he declared, "I would not be...."
perhaps "total conquest of Granada, since he declared..."- Invaded in May of what year? (1318?) Clarification may be worthwhile here
Consolidation edit
- Is the leader of Murcia known?
- Yes , and even a wikilink is avaliable (Don Juan Manuel). HaEr48 (talk) 22:26, 21 June 2020 (UTC)
- Is Jofre Tenorio the same as this person on the spanish wiki? Might be worth linking across the wikis.
- Rest of the section looks great.
Death edit
- Why is Ismail suddenly referred to as the Sultan after the first sentence of this section?
Legacy edit
- This section looks great, wouldn't some info on his use of cannons be appropriate here? Surely it affected future rulers' battles?
General edit
- There are quite a few times where refs are not in the order they should be (in ascending order). This happens especially in the "Defending the throne" section with "21,10" "22,21" etc.
- The no symbols in prose and ref layout below are easily resolved by addressing the issues above. The article is extremely thorough and well written. Aza24 (talk) 06:34, 21 June 2020 (UTC)
Source review edit
Not finished yet
- @Aza24: Thank you for the very helpful feedback. Looking forward to continue working with you! HaEr48 (talk) 23:11, 21 June 2020 (UTC)
Image review edit
Looks good
Good Article review progress box
|
GAN - Pass edit
@HaEr48: After doing a quick source and image review, glancing through your changes and the article as a whole, I see no reason it would fail any of the criteria. Very well written and frankly, an engaging and enjoyable read! Congrats – will promote soon :) Aza24 (talk) 03:58, 23 June 2020 (UTC)