Talk:Ian Smith (rugby union, born 1903)/GA1
Latest comment: 10 years ago by Jamesx12345 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Jamesx12345 (talk · contribs) 17:49, 24 April 2014 (UTC)
I'll review this in the next few days. Jamesx12345 17:49, 24 April 2014 (UTC)
- "Winchester College, Oxford University" - this is a bit confusing because there are colleges at Oxford. "Smith moved to England and was schooled at Winchester College, and then went to Oxford University and later Edinburgh University", or something to that effect, might read better.
- There is no mention in the body of the text of his going to Edinburgh University.
- "was qualified for" - "was qualified to play for"
- capped can be linked, since it is more than just a definition.
- "with whom most of his caps were won" - it is a bit unclear as to who the caps were won with.
- "tries of the Championship." - this needs a ref.
- Smith did not play in 1928, but returned in 1929. Again he played all four matches, and scored three tries, two against England. This year Scotland won the Five Nations outright for the first time since 1929." - "Smith did not play in 1928, but returned in 1929, when Scotland won the Five Nations again. He played all four matches, and scored three tries, two against England." - more concise.
- "three matches, missing the England game" - mention Five Nations again.
- "and scored 24 tries, which still gives him a share of the Scottish record with Tony Stanger" - "and scored 24 tries for Scotland, a record shared with Tony Stanger."
- how about something like "and scored a record 24 tries for Scotland, a record which has subsequently been equalled by Tony Stanger but never beaten"?
- Sounds good as well. The "but never beaten" could (possibly) be omitted without compromising the accuracy of the statement, but I don't know. Jamesx12345 20:57, 24 April 2014 (UTC)
- Yes, could definitely lose those three words without changing the sense. --Bcp67 (talk) 21:01, 24 April 2014 (UTC)
- Sounds good as well. The "but never beaten" could (possibly) be omitted without compromising the accuracy of the statement, but I don't know. Jamesx12345 20:57, 24 April 2014 (UTC)
- how about something like "and scored a record 24 tries for Scotland, a record which has subsequently been equalled by Tony Stanger but never beaten"?
- "until 1987 when the record" - "until 1987 when it"
- I've nearly finished addressing your comments. The Edinburgh and London Scottish material was added by other users, and when they did they didn't add any references. I've removed the statement (will re-add something if I find any references). He did go to Edinburgh at some point, will try to add something on this. -- Shudde talk 12:11, 25 April 2014 (UTC)
- I believe everything has now been addressed. Let me know if you're unhappy with anything. Cheers. -- Shudde talk 12:36, 25 April 2014 (UTC)
- I've nearly finished addressing your comments. The Edinburgh and London Scottish material was added by other users, and when they did they didn't add any references. I've removed the statement (will re-add something if I find any references). He did go to Edinburgh at some point, will try to add something on this. -- Shudde talk 12:11, 25 April 2014 (UTC)
Comments Thanks for your review Jamesx12345 (talk · contribs) -- I really appreciate it. I'll get onto addressing your comments as soon as I can. I also have no problems at all with Bcp67 (talk · contribs) commenting or editing the article, in fact I welcome it! I know Bcp from WP:RU and always welcome their comments and input. -- Shudde talk 08:16, 25 April 2014 (UTC)
- Looks great now. Thanks to both Bcp67 and Shudde for responding quickly to my comments. Jamesx12345 20:51, 25 April 2014 (UTC)