Talk:iPad (3rd generation)/GA1

Latest comment: 12 years ago by Czarkoff in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Czarkoff (talk · contribs) 16:02, 30 March 2012 (UTC)Reply

Status

edit

This section is supposed to be edited only by reviewer(s). Any questions and comments concerning this table should be posed in Discussion subsection below.

Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
  1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
  1. The phrase "Apple did not disclose in advance what would be announced at the event" in the History section should be reformulated.   Done
  2. The sentence "The announcement of the iPad affected the tablet resale market, and Apple's stock price reached a record closing figure on the same day that the Dow Jones Index reached a closing figure of above 13,000 for the first time since the Global Financial Crisis, though it is not a Dow Jones component." in the same section contains the words "closing figure" twice and feels too long. The "though it is not a Dow Jones component" note should be separated from this sentence, as the meaning of "it" isn't obvious and forces the reader to reread the entire sentence.   Done
  3. The sentence "At the media event, Cook talked about a 'post-PC world', a world where the personal computer is no longer the center of one's digital life, and of how the 3rd generation iPad will be one of the main contributors of the 'post-PC world'." in the same section should be reformulated to avoid nested phrase in the middle. Eg. "At the media event Cook stated that the 3rd generation iPad will be one of the main contributors to the emerging 'post-PC world', a world where the personal computer is no longer the center of one's digital life."   Done
  4. The sentence "Many users have reported overheating with the 3rd generation iPad, especially after running 3D games." in the third paragraph of the Critical reception section is somehow wrong. It should be either "overheating of" or "overheating issues with", with the first solution being preferable in the context.   Done
  5. The sentence "Thermal imaging tests were conducted and revealed it has gotten as hot as 116 degrees Fahrenheit." in the same paragraph uses grammatically wrong combination of times.   Done
  6. The sentence "It will also be released on March 23, 2012 in [...]" (emphasis added) in the Commercial reception section refers to the past date.   Done
  7. The sentence "Demand for pre-orders were so high for the third generation iPad that later orders were quoted shipping times of "two to three weeks" after the order was placed." (emphasis added) is grammatically wrong.   Done
  8. Infobox lists several "Audio formats" without explaining the meaning of list. Whatever this list is supposed to mean, the information should be given in the article body in more detail. Furthermore, if those formats are those hardware accelerated, it should be explicitly stated; otherwise this information should be omitted from infobox.   Done
  9. In the first paragraph of Software the sentences feel disconnected and some duplicate the statements. The text should be reformulated to make reading easier.   Done
  10. In the same section the word iPad (specifically in phrase the new iPad) occurs too frequently. Some way around should be found.   Done
  1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
  1. The abbreviation "PST" in the History section is ambiguous for non-US readers. It should be replaced with "Pacific Standard Time", otherwise explained or removed entirely.   Done
  2. The Features and Hardware sections intersect both in their scope and coverage. They should probably be reorganized into a section with subsections.   Done
  3. The Hardware sections discusses the accessories that are not bundled with device. This subtopic probably should be covered under subsection of Hardware.   Done
  4. The article sticks with Citation Style 1, but doesn't adhere the work and publisher guidance. The choice of template is also questionable: {{cite web}} is used for press releases instead of {{cite press release}}. Wikilinking inside citation templates is inconsistent.   Done
  5. The text of the History section is sandwiched between the image and infobox. The image should be removed or (if absolutely needed, which is not the case IMHO) right-aligned to float under the infobox.   Done
  6. The lead section doesn't adequately summarize the article. It speculates about main usage patterns of just released iPad, which are nowhere else stated and sourced; it omits the software changes, which take ¼ of the article length. Actually it does.
  7. Article suffers from overlinking. Generally each term is supposed to be linked in first occurrence in infobox, in first occurence in the lead section, once per reference (authors, works, publishers) and in first occurrence in the rest of article. Still App Store is linked twice, Apple is linked in Software while occurs first in History, etc.   Done
2. Verifiable with no original research:
  2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
  2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
  1. The statements that are likely to be challenged are tagged accordingly.   Done
  2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
  3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
  3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
  1. This devise isn't an e-book reader, so the {{Ebooks}} isn't appropriate.   Done
  4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
  5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
  6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
  1. File:The new iPad logo.png was deleted. It should get replaced with a new one with proper {{Non-free use rationale logo}} template.   Done
  2. There is an ongoing deletion discussion about File:IPad 3 keynote.jpg.   Done
  3. File:Apple A5X Chip.jpg displays a registered trademark but isn't tagged as such.   Done
  6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
  1. The caption for File:IPad 3 Store Lines.jpg is too long. Though most text is appropriate, the "at an Apple Store in San Francisco" part should be removed, as it is pretty evident that the building is an Apple Store, and its location isn't important enough to occupy an entire line of caption.   Done
  7. Overall assessment.

Discussion

edit

Please refer to issue by numbers. Eg., the second issue with 1a criterion is 1a2.

1b1
For the record: this solution isn't the best one IMHO, but this way the ambiguity is solved. Though MOS demands abbreviations spelled in full on first occurrence, this one seems to be known widely enough. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 01:54, 31 March 2012 (UTC)Reply
1a4
I have reworded the phrase and removed the word overheating as I believe that word made the sentence a bit awkward to read even if the suggestions were to be substituted in - feel free to use the suggestions but it just sounds a bit weird to my ear. YuMaNuMa Contrib 11:08, 31 March 2012 (UTC)Reply
My suggestion was worse then the new text. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 08:41, 1 April 2012 (UTC)Reply
2b
The citation needed tag in the infobox has been addressed. YuMaNuMa Contrib 11:20, 31 March 2012 (UTC)Reply
Not actually. The sound capabilities of iPad are an important aspect. There were speculations on changes before the release and some sources claim sound-related improvements, sometimes contradicting each other. Definitely this topic should get coverage. Furthermore, I would expect the hardware capabilities of the device (eg. hardware audio and video encoding/decoding) covered, though in case of iPad it may be not as critical as in cases of Android tablets. — Dmitrij D. Czarkoff (talk) 08:41, 1 April 2012 (UTC)Reply