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Latest comment: 12 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Hawkeye closed the review just as I was adding this so will put here... Performed quick copyedit of first half. Looks pretty good but I think the lead is too long -- there's detail and repetition of wording that could be cut, for instance how she was the first designed but not first commissioned carrier. At the very least I would lose (or move to main body if the citation is required there) The design of Hermes preceded and influenced that of Hōshō, and she was launched before Hōshō was laid down, but was commissioned more than six months later than Hōshō. As another example, at the end of the lead, you don't need ...that the Japanese did not attack. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:34, 15 November 2011 (UTC)Reply
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